tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post6388879177047646340..comments2024-03-15T23:39:29.134-08:00Comments on Scribbit | Motherhood in Alaska: Teaching Children Responsibility: The Homework BattleScribbithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03178711182424809035noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-75137001910895410382007-05-08T15:27:00.000-08:002007-05-08T15:27:00.000-08:00Oh my gosh, boy did I read that wrong! LOL, okay s...Oh my gosh, boy did I read that wrong! LOL, okay sorry to start rumors on the web about another little one! ;) Late night reading gone awry.Alexandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12356420873078531863noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-63327587127174925072007-05-08T15:17:00.000-08:002007-05-08T15:17:00.000-08:00Oh, and anonymous, thank you for your comment. Not...Oh, and anonymous, thank you for your comment. Not everyone has to agree, I'm fine with hear a dissenting viewpoint.<BR/><BR/>I'm not sure I understood all that you were trying to say, and if you read previous comments it was brought up several times that if a child has special needs that their situation could be different.<BR/><BR/>Perhaps your irritation results from feeling that this post is critical of the way that you approach things? It's not, if you've found a way to get your kids to do homework that works for you and for them, terrific. Keep up the good work.<BR/><BR/>My main purpose in writing was to say that if you are having trouble getting your children to do their homework--assuming there isn't a biological reason your child is having trouble--that giving them more room to be responsible has worked for me and should be considered. When a parent takes too much control over an unpleasant task the child will gladly give up responsibility for the task.Scribbithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03178711182424809035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-63049789728940822922007-05-08T15:09:00.000-08:002007-05-08T15:09:00.000-08:00I'm sorry Rory but that's just not been my experie...I'm sorry Rory but that's just not been my experience in the fourteen years I've been at this. Children are wonderful but they don't absorb values by osmosis, by parents sitting back and assuming that children will catch the vision. <BR/><BR/>If I tried to explain to my 8 year old that he needed good grades to get into a good college and get a good job in order to support himself and his family someday he'd shrug his shoulders and happily go about his business. I the teacher expresses disapproval of his work that's only of minimal interest to him. But if I tell him that he can't play with Derek if his homework isn't done properly he'll listen. We do things in life for all different kinds of motivations, and young children don't find the lure of Harvard motivation. <BR/><BR/>Some kids can get the "I'm disappointed in you" talk for poor academics and have it work, that may be a suitable consequence for some (like my oldest) but not for every child.<BR/><BR/>And as for who decides what the consequences are--I do! I'm the parent here, that's my job, to make tough calls like that. It doesn't mean I'm right every time but I'm pretty sure I'll have better success-to-failure ratio than if I leave the parenting up to my children. <BR/><BR/>My teenager has grown enough to be able to talk with, reason with and discuss things in a rational way that allows her to make many of her own choices now. But I wouldn't have expected that kind of maturity from her at six. <BR/><BR/>I'm teaching them to make their own decisions, but responsibility is not something that children are born with, it must be taught and taught in a way they can understand.Scribbithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03178711182424809035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-46664626043500499222007-05-08T14:42:00.000-08:002007-05-08T14:42:00.000-08:00Who decides that meeting with friends or watching ...Who decides that meeting with friends or watching TV are the privileges of the responsible?<BR/><BR/>Are there no consequences from the school for sloppy homework or poor grades? Would they not get "chewed out" by the teacher? Find themselves with a letter home?<BR/><BR/>These seem like pretty severe consequences to me. The child gets to experience the genuine cause and effect of their actions.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-27822793333624620452007-05-08T14:38:00.000-08:002007-05-08T14:38:00.000-08:00I am so not there yet, however I always *thought* ...I am so not there yet, however I always *thought* that I would help my kids, since no one was around to help me. After reading through your post, I realize I have a lot more to think about besides my own childhood insecurities *before* my kids reach school age. Thanks for the thought provoking post!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-39960907893613009942007-05-08T14:03:00.000-08:002007-05-08T14:03:00.000-08:00I am happy to see this post -- We'll have homework...I am happy to see this post -- We'll have homework (and the battles that come with it) to do soon enough.Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08527762200993175239noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-56672092300043310522007-05-08T09:33:00.000-08:002007-05-08T09:33:00.000-08:00As a mother of 4, I read this post and it got on m...As a mother of 4, I read this post and it got on my nerves. <BR/> I was not going to comment yesterday. But after reading all of the comments thought I would add my 2 cents. Need more balance in reviews.<BR/> My oldest children attended Northern Lights ABC School for 4 years. (Now we home school)<BR/> My daughter did great, fine etc. My son on the other hand needed extra help. <BR/> I can recall one night when it took 2 hours to teach him how to spell top and 9 other easy words like that. We used full body movement to help get it to "stick". <BR/> Had I told him it's yours to do and yours alone he would have shut down and quit on me. Not all children are alike. This needs to be noted. Your ways may work for you. But not all kids can hack your approach. <BR/> I strongly believe in teaching responsibility. With that also comes respect. I think you must like to read all the feedbacks of you get. It shows people are paying attention to your work. <BR/> Well, that's what I think kids are asking for when they say they want help. I did that growing up. I did not really need help. I just wanted my hard work to be noted. "LOOK WHAT I DID".<BR/> Kids don't have posted comments from all over the world. As parents lets not get too tied up with the dishes, dinner and talking on the phone. Give them a high five, great job.<BR/> Congrats on your responsible children. May they prosper and grow in all areas, not just homeworkAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-84500449833705205902007-05-07T21:05:00.000-08:002007-05-07T21:05:00.000-08:00Not so. The definition of arbitrary is "without r...Not so. The definition of arbitrary is "without reason, capricious" my choice of punishments are neither. <BR/><BR/>I'm afraid with many children, mine included, the consequence of having good grades--and I'm afraid this is particularly true of boys nowadays--is irrelevant to them. What do they care if they get good grades? They do, however, care about seeing their buddy on Saturday afternoon at the playground. <BR/><BR/>Once I've established that if they exercise proper responsibility by getting good grades and having good study habits they can be allowed to enjoy privileges reserved for those who are responsible--such as having t.v. time--I've made my point.<BR/><BR/>You can't reason with very young children and deal in abstractions the way you can with an older child or an adult.Scribbithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03178711182424809035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-5828223685070071562007-05-07T20:57:00.000-08:002007-05-07T20:57:00.000-08:00I don't see it as tangential at all. Discussing "c...I don't see it as tangential at all. Discussing "consequences" has everything to do with a child's learning responsibility. <BR/><BR/>Surely the consequences of <EM>turning in assignments, having incomplete or sloppy work and grades falling</EM> are those that are felt at school. <EM>That</EM> is the way responsibility is learned, rather than threats of punishment at home. The consequences you suggest are arbitrary, they bear no relation to the error.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-49268401919118330952007-05-07T17:53:00.000-08:002007-05-07T17:53:00.000-08:00I'm not sure I could help with my daughter's homew...I'm not sure I could help with my daughter's homework even if I wanted to. Their homework seems so much more advanced than I remember it being before.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-42740426508450194742007-05-07T17:38:00.000-08:002007-05-07T17:38:00.000-08:00This is a great approach! In a way, I grew up with...This is a great approach! In a way, I grew up with this since my parents were both working and busy just keeping things going. I have seen many other kids my age walk into high school and even college without the inner resources to make it on their own. I fully agree with the stance you took and know from experience it works to their advantage. Like you said, better to fail in the beginning when the stakes are not that high.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-59169913621780223392007-05-07T17:07:00.000-08:002007-05-07T17:07:00.000-08:00Thanks for this. I encouraged my kids to do their...Thanks for this. I encouraged my kids to do their own homework but I go through with them when they're done. I'm gonna try doing it your way as I'm having difficulties with the second one who always "forgets" that he has homework to do, etc. maybe this tactic will help - tough love.la bellina mamminahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05480564746644285382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-22385486767676850632007-05-07T17:01:00.000-08:002007-05-07T17:01:00.000-08:00I'm trying to be hands off on homework. Sometimes...I'm trying to be hands off on homework. Sometimes I succeed better than others. Mostly I tell my boys, ages 8 and 11, when its time to start homework (4pm generally) and then I'm done with it. <BR/>I told my older one 2 years ago that he had to study the spelling and had to do well (I expect at least an 80) or there would be consequences - I would help if asked, but I would not make him study. It eased the tension greatly. I do still quiz my younger one on his spelling words on Thursday, but he reminds/asks me to do it (and spelling is one where I always found it hard to quiz myself).<BR/>I'm always amazed at my friends who know what all the kids are studying in class - because they are reading/reviewing/helping with homework/tests. I generally don't know until the tests come home or if it figures into dinner conversation.<BR/>I need to work more on getting projects to be completely theirs.<BR/>I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts on money management.owlfanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16864203297228110988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-24794214881656099472007-05-07T16:51:00.000-08:002007-05-07T16:51:00.000-08:00I can comment on this post from three different an...I can comment on this post from three different angles, as a parent of two different types of kids and a former teacher. <BR/><BR/>My job was a 9-10th grade Sped teacher who also ended up with kids who were failing. Some had learning disabilities, but most just wouldn't do the work. I would teach study skills and organization and some would sink in, but then for others, the kids were just lazy. Frustrating...but now with my own slacker 10th grader, I have backed off and let him choose his road. He wants no help, resents reminders and it's his transcript that won't get him into college. Is it hard to sit back? Sure it is, but I can't have the battles at home over his work.<BR/><BR/>That said, I have two other sons who work for their grades. The only homework I will help them with are the "stupid" assignments, the staining of the paper for Lewis and Clark journal.<BR/><BR/>My biggest complaints about homework, is the unclear directions that the kids are given by teachers and some teachers expect parents to help with homework. These are the same Teachers who don't have kids in school yet. <BR/>Good post.Jenny McBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11260376064122225845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-87357323652923161652007-05-07T16:09:00.000-08:002007-05-07T16:09:00.000-08:00Great post. Hope I can do the same thing in a cou...Great post. Hope I can do the same thing in a couple of years.Anjalihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17469613639032593194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-60361304693334706872007-05-07T14:30:00.000-08:002007-05-07T14:30:00.000-08:00What wonderful comments, I love hearing from all o...What wonderful comments, I love hearing from all of you and your mounds of experience.<BR/><BR/>Let me see about responding . . . <BR/><BR/>Alexandra--NO! Not expecting. But I can see where you might have got that idea. No, I meant Lillian was starting kindergarten this fall. :)<BR/><BR/>Pieces--I agree with you that there is a balance. And as another commenter put it, there's a big difference between giving your child responsibility and not caring. Big difference.<BR/><BR/>Also, I'd want to point out (because I didn't make this point and I should have) that if I had a child with special needs that my feelings/rules would probably change. Some children can also handle more responsibility than others. For some reason Grace is amazing that way and she'll handle things without me even having to think about it. Others not so much. <BR/><BR/>Cagey--I was planning on the next installment being about money and allowances. For what my opinion is worth :)<BR/><BR/>Rory--as for consequences I didn't get into this much because it was a bit tangential but I've found that the secret to parenting is to find what they most like and then use it as leverage. Do they love their tv time? Their best friend? Their books? Whatever they love if they don't get their responsibilities done then I take the fun stuff away.<BR/><BR/>Works well when it comes to fighting. Rule is: if you can't get along with your brother or sister then I can't unleash you on the world and you're grounded from being with friends. It's worked well. Zero tolerance for cruelty or fighting.<BR/><BR/>The funny thing is, Spencer was having trouble for a while in 2nd grade mostly because he was too into reading his sci-fi books instead of paying attention in class. I took all his books away and you'd thought I'd killed him. He shaped right up to get his books back and I wondered how the teacher would respond when she heard I'd taken away the books but she was very supportive. Mostly because she was glad I was willing to correct his behavior rather than leaving her to deal with it.<BR/><BR/>And finally, thanks for offering another perspective Heffalump, I appreciate you being willing to point out things I've missed (and I miss plenty) :)<BR/><BR/>I like the way you used my own metaphor to prove your point :) Excellent! And I'm glad you've found a way to work through things that works for you.Scribbithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03178711182424809035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-23862261367934924982007-05-07T13:09:00.000-08:002007-05-07T13:09:00.000-08:00So duct taping the child to the chair wouldn't be ...So duct taping the child to the chair wouldn't be one of your recommendations?<BR/>CheersMaddyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05828186178060722812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-75347755121363027522007-05-07T12:16:00.000-08:002007-05-07T12:16:00.000-08:00I am glad that you have found a system that works ...I am glad that you have found a system that works for you and for your kids. I am glad that the people who have commented on this post find this system good for them and support you in your use of it. <BR/>I thought about just not commenting on this post because it made me feel like I was somewhat of a bad parent for having to remind my kids to do their work. Then I thought about it for a while. Not every kid is the same. I have five boys, two of whom have high functioning Autism. Only three of my kids are in school until this fall when #4 starts Kindergarten. #2 son does his homework. He is one of our "normal" kids as people say. #1 and #3 have to really be pushed to do their homework. I don't do it for them, and I don't check over it other than to make sure they actually finished it, but they will not do their work if I don't remind them, and give them consequences for not getting it done. The school's consequences are not enough to motivate them. Am I a bad parent because your system doesn't work for some of my kids? No. And I have read your posts for long enough that I don't think you intended for parents that use another system to feel bad. I would love it if all of my kids came home and just did their work like #2 does. But for me, the fact is that when I wasn't reminding them every day, they just didn't do the work, and that makes for bad work habits when they get older. So I remind them. They earn their computer time by doing their homework, and I am evilly going to give them homework on the weekdays over the summer to earn their computer time, just to keep the routine up. Some kids don't want to swim to shore, they just want to go where the current takes them. Sometimes they need that encouragement to make the shore look worth their effort.Heffalumphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13166154112206680302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-73181479276316925292007-05-07T11:31:00.000-08:002007-05-07T11:31:00.000-08:00This is great stuff, Michelle. Homework being the ...This is great stuff, Michelle. Homework being the responsibility of the children themselves does take a bit of an epiphany moment. You give some helpful suggestions here through your experience.<BR/><BR/>I do have a question - which I asked over at hamelife, but this affords a good opportunity: <EM>I further explained that though I wasn't monitoring her homework that the expectation was that she would do her best and that if she failed to turn in assignments, had incomplete or sloppy work and her grades fell that there would be consequences. Bad consequences.</EM><BR/><BR/>Can you elaborate on this?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-70005322098640369342007-05-07T11:20:00.000-08:002007-05-07T11:20:00.000-08:00To School or Not to School “School is stupid!” The...To School or Not to School <BR/><BR/>“School is stupid!” The outburst had erupted from my daughter in Year 7. “What’s the point of it anyway? “Why do we have to have this stupidness? You are just learning all this stuff you will never use in life.”<BR/><BR/>The ‘stupidness’ of school is the ongoing debate in our home at present.<BR/><BR/>Point to consider. Ok how much do you use from your years of general schooling?<BR/><BR/>Apart from learning to read and write and do sums? I was rattling my brain to come up with a decent answer, as I am a strong believer in education. Coming from a family history of journalists, I was automatically editing my daughter’s statement of outburst - correct grammar, spelling and punctuation are vital, that’s for sure. “Stupidness” though grammatically incorrect, does in fact have a certain descriptive impact, that it should be considered perhaps, to be entered into the dictionary.<BR/><BR/>But reflecting on her statement, maybe she does have a point. Rheams and rheams of information, week upon week, month upon month, year upon year, your head buried in books hours on end, cramming your brain with so much information that there is no room for imagination.<BR/><BR/>I love finding out details about people and their lives. I love discovering new things about the world around me. I wonder at the intricate detail of the different markings of fish, birds, and insects, even amphibians and reptiles (as long as I don't have to touch one :-)). I love to read, it is a means of escapism for me at times, yet I wouldn’t read an encyclopedia or dictionary front to back like a book, though I have known some, such as my own brother, who have done just that. If they enjoy doing it, it’s fine by me. That’s the whole point here - Love, enjoyment.<BR/><BR/>Learning about the world, people and life around you should be enjoyed. Cramming information should be a choice not compulsory. Children need room for imagination.<BR/><BR/>“You’re daydreaming again!” Sound familiar?<BR/><BR/>Have you ever watched a baby sit, crawl, stand, and walk? The sheer excitement of parents and the wonder of achievement on the little one’s face, that’s how it should be with everything in our life. Learning should be natural, enjoyable, a part of the life around us, instead of your head buried so far in information that you might as well be an ostrich!<BR/><BR/>As parents, we are automatically teaching our children about the life around us. Making beds, cleaning house, cooking, baking, mending, repairing, taking care of equipment, and animals. Have you ever thought of all the maths, reading, writing, science and social studies that is required for those everyday things? Who needs a bunch of ink on paper for that! A toddler can’t read an instruction manual, yet he knows how to operate the DVD player or the TV, or how to change over to satellite or cable.<BR/><BR/>Look around you, what do you see? Can you see the trees, the birds, the flowers, the children playing in the yard or the parks? Or, do you have to shut your eyes from the 4 walls, a computer and desk, and pile of papers that need to be completed by 5pm this evening, take a deep breath, and enter a daydream to see the beauty of the world around you? How can you dream if you have never seen it?<BR/><BR/>Children need to dream, to imagine, and to live reality. Yes, I said it correctly, reality. If reality is being buried in a pile of paperwork, deadlines, meetings, phone calls, stress, insomnia, have we not created a prison around us? We might as well be planning our funeral! To me, reality is seeing God’s creation, and in it we can see the Creator Himself. That’s what is real, that’s what is alive. Show me a rainbow any day, and colour my world.<BR/><BR/>´Look what I drew, Mum’ I smile………………<BR/><BR/>Copyright 2006. Rebecca Laklem.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-68551039061821976202007-05-07T10:55:00.000-08:002007-05-07T10:55:00.000-08:00OMG, Scribbit! This is such good stuff! We are s...OMG, Scribbit! This is such good stuff! We are still years away from the homework thing, but I can totally see myself falling into the "Here, let me check that for you" trap. Thank you for this and I SO look forward to more!Megan@SortaCrunchyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17202909752129884370noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-86543593750083530892007-05-07T10:45:00.000-08:002007-05-07T10:45:00.000-08:00My older child, Stinkerbell is finishing kindergar...My older child, Stinkerbell is finishing kindergarten this month. She is an intelligent child and is reading well already. I have helped her with her cut and paste homework this year and enjoyed it.<BR/><BR/>Your perspective is new to me. It makes perfect sense. Like you and the other commenters here, I want to raise an independent, responsible child. This seems to be a good technique to encourage that.Kerihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08472241005977420201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-86651456534319537322007-05-07T10:27:00.000-08:002007-05-07T10:27:00.000-08:00Every Monday, Hannah receives a packet of homework...Every Monday, Hannah receives a packet of homework which must be returned on Friday. And for the most part, she does everything herself with little help from me. I still have to remind her to actually get started (or else it won't get done at all), but I don't have to stand over her shoulder with each page and problem. Hannah's the type that has to be thrown in the deep end or else she just assumes that whatever it is is too hard for her to accomplish. I think it's most difficult for me, though, to take a hands-off approach considering I was a 4.0 GPA student ~ very anal and very "in control." Hannah's more like her dad ;-)<BR/><BR/>PS - She LOVED that salad! I asked if any of her friends commented about it ~ nope!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07570437173288571934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-26404856471686157832007-05-07T09:58:00.000-08:002007-05-07T09:58:00.000-08:00I like MRLT's comment: "There is, of course, a dif...I like MRLT's comment: "There is, of course, a difference between parents who don't monitor because they don't care and parents who don't monitor because they've given the child ownership. Part of the latter is helping the child identify tools (e.g., organization, note cards) and providing an atmosphere conducive to continued learning outside the schoolhouse."<BR/><BR/>I enjoy teaching my children how to study on their own. Studying and finding answers to questions is not an innate art, but a learned art.An Ordinary Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05497066145696617241noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-51366868276200094312007-05-07T09:26:00.000-08:002007-05-07T09:26:00.000-08:00Good for you! My parents had the same homework pol...Good for you! My parents had the same homework policy for me. I'm so thankful that they did. The gift of responsibility is priceless. Now, I just have to remember to pass it on to my daughter.J Fifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14325591177491315599noreply@blogger.com