tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post8147635156834916511..comments2024-03-15T23:39:29.134-08:00Comments on Scribbit | Motherhood in Alaska: Motherhood MidtermsScribbithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03178711182424809035noreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-59978980825683457342008-01-05T07:27:00.000-09:002008-01-05T07:27:00.000-09:00First of all - I think everyone has had some simil...First of all - I think everyone has had some similar thing happen with their kids before. Doesn't mean I'd just "forget it" - but pretty much anyone that has kids, understands how these things happen.<BR/><BR/>Before we went to our family Christmas (and I do this before birthdays etc too) I SPECIFICALLY talked to the kids about what kind of reactions were ok and not ok. We discussed what would happen if they already had the gift they were given or didn't like it. <BR/><BR/>They are instructed to think of SOMETHING they like about it and they feel they can say it while still being truthful (ie. "I like how the little bells jingle on the socks"). <BR/><BR/>We talk too about how not everyone in the family might give them a gift and that it is rude to ask if someone brought them something. we also talk about how people giving us stuff, don't HAVE to do it, and that they spend time and money trying to find the right thing.<BR/><BR/>I think having this information fresh in their minds (driving in the car to the event) - prepared them. Plus it gave them time to absorb the fact that maybe they will get something they won't like.<BR/><BR/>If I was in the situation you described (yeah always easier figuring something out from the side lines). I'd have had an apology right then and there. I'm not sure what I would have done with the DVD - probably we would have donated it and not let her have it.Edihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01881967873653190545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-75999888147350659542008-01-02T16:51:00.000-09:002008-01-02T16:51:00.000-09:00My oldest is 5, and so far, we've gotten lucky and...My oldest is 5, and so far, we've gotten lucky and haven't had this kind of episode ... YET. My SIL told me that she gave her 4 and 7 yo boys the "smile and thank the giver profusely, no matter what" talk before going to the Christmas party this year. I thought that was a good idea.<BR/><BR/>Good luck handling this situation ...<BR/><BR/>How did the great grandma handle it?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-15461087173215420542008-01-02T11:18:00.000-09:002008-01-02T11:18:00.000-09:00when i was a kid (older than 5 so i should have kn...when i was a kid (older than 5 so i should have known better), my younger sister and a younger cousin and i got forks and banged the hell out of the wooden arms on my grandfather's recliner. why? i have no idea. but we knew immediately it was wrong and my mother gave me a talking to and i was humiliated and remorseful. but worse, she made me give my grandparents a verbal apology which was torture for me and i cried and of course they forgave me and hugged me and that moment has stuck with me forever. how i could have done something so ugly and yet they forgave me so quickly.<BR/><BR/>i think i also had to work to pay for the repairs, but i don't remember that part clearly.Melissa Stoverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12839619836478423452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-9714396773706265792008-01-02T09:06:00.000-09:002008-01-02T09:06:00.000-09:00I'm reeling in horror at the images I'm projecting...I'm reeling in horror at the images I'm projecting into the future. MM is more than capable of that behavior. I remember being disappointed on numereous occasions by gifts, but I was never outspoken about it. MM definitely has the force of personality that I don't. She'll be 4 next week, so Christmas 2008 has potential for just such an incident. And I have no advice that hasn't already been given, and mine would all be guesswork anyway!<BR/><BR/>the coiuntess formerly known as janetJanethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02190489990653412687noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-40180960725516416742008-01-02T04:51:00.000-09:002008-01-02T04:51:00.000-09:00My daughter just turned 6, and I would have made a...My daughter just turned 6, and I would have made a big deal about it. I may be wrong, but I feel she is old enough to know better. <BR/><BR/>I voted that she should apologize. First and foremost, definitely the most important thing. <BR/><BR/>If my daughter did that, I also would be taking away some privilege, whether it is not being able to watch ANY DVD or TV show for a while, or not being able to play with whatever her big/favorite Christmas gift. I would want to do something that would impact her enough that she would remember to NEVER act like that again without serious consequences. <BR/><BR/>BTW, I LOVE the time out picture. That is priceless!<BR/><BR/>Happy new year!!!!Irenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01270545811471785078noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-29047396572255951962008-01-01T22:40:00.000-09:002008-01-01T22:40:00.000-09:00I would make her apologize and then not let her ke...I would make her apologize and then not let her keep the DVD. <BR/><BR/>My 5 year old has been in rare form these days, too. Hopefully, it's just a stage. *crossing fingers*Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-13388044202653388712008-01-01T21:31:00.000-09:002008-01-01T21:31:00.000-09:00I'd watch the DVD with her (it's a great movie, ri...I'd watch the DVD with her (it's a great movie, right?), just the two of us. I'd explain later that for whatever she receives, she should appreciate it,and say thank you to the giver.<BR/><BR/>It has not happened to me. My 4 year old has smirked on some gifts we got from relatives last Christmas but she was polite enough to say thank you (because of the eye darts she got from me maybe). I don't know though what will happen in the coming years.<BR/><BR/>Of course, I think it would be good to have her call grandma for an apology.<BR/><BR/><A HREF="http://sandierpastures.com" REL="nofollow">-Grace-</A>sandierpastureshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14310674774213974305noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-32936697170308446062008-01-01T20:23:00.000-09:002008-01-01T20:23:00.000-09:00OH BOY! I was in that situation with my now 13 yea...OH BOY! I was in that situation with my now 13 year old when she was 2 and got the WRONG Buzz Lightyear!SabineMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02686426828860840308noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-22129274281711679722008-01-01T16:51:00.000-09:002008-01-01T16:51:00.000-09:00Wow, everyone has such good suggestions. I will ju...Wow, everyone has such good suggestions. I will just add that the empathy thing often gets overlooked and so all the suggestions about simulating a role play is an excellent idea. Five year old is a good age to start this. I think you did well under the circumstances. There is no right or wrong situation during a quick judgment call. We are all learning. <BR/><BR/>With that said, my three year son received gifts from his grandparents in Israel for Hanukah/birthday but thanks for the reminder about being grateful to grandparents about gifts. I'll probably have to deal with all this in some way or another.Pieces of Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04096718033921488677noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-26488375084524540172008-01-01T15:44:00.000-09:002008-01-01T15:44:00.000-09:00I would have made her sit down and watch the DVD o...I would have made her sit down and watch the DVD over and over again. (Not really!). That was my feeble attempt at being funny for the first time this year!)<BR/><BR/>OK. She's five for crying out loud. Mothers often take things like this personally. I do not think your reaction, to your five year old, had as much to do with her as it did with you. This was an excellent opportunity to teach your daughter some of the great gift giving lessons so many have already commented about here.<BR/><BR/>Having said this, I would have (and did) lecture my daughter til I was blue in the face when she was your daughters age about how bad her behavior was. Several decades later, she still has a warped attitude towards gift giving and receiving and I take full responsibility. <BR/><BR/>And subsequently, my four year old granddaughter didn't even blink at the gifts we sent and had to be prompted by my daughter when she called to thank us. She was all about some Barbie horse someone else gave her. I was amused, not offended. <BR/><BR/>Happy New Year!!!!!luckyzmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04176703683321469118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-36016343915740467032008-01-01T15:13:00.000-09:002008-01-01T15:13:00.000-09:00Did you try the whole "there's a little girl in Af...Did you try the whole "there's a little girl in Africa who would love to have this movie?" <BR/><BR/>Seriously, mine has pulled this stunt before and I made her apologize on the spot after explaining how awful she made the person feel. The mortification of having to say she was sorry so far has been enough to keep it from happening again. <BR/><BR/>One other quick thing? I warn my kids ahead of time when I know they are getting gifts that they may not particularly like what they are getting, but say thanks anyway. That was particularly helpful at Christmas when mine got a duplicate gift. <BR/><BR/>LisaLisa @ The Preacher's Wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14448791069728897001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-74010911616780115712008-01-01T14:23:00.000-09:002008-01-01T14:23:00.000-09:00My six year old did very nearly the same thing thi...My six year old did very nearly the same thing this year. He wasn't happy about a gift he was given and very nearly threw a tantrum until he saw the "look of death" I was giving him. Of course, that only works if your child happens to look your way.<BR/><BR/>I showed him how the gift worked and he was relieved, yet less than enthusiastic. He gave an immediate apology and a thank you (also less than enthusiastic), both at my urging.<BR/><BR/>You were right to deal with it immediately. Certainly. She is only five, and probably like my son, incredibly honest. I don't think severe consequences are necessary.<BR/><BR/>Upshot: Time out to cool off, yes. Apologize, yes. Taking something she adores away for a few days, yes. I think that's enough. <BR/><BR/>This parenting thing is hard, yeah?!jubileehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07924715623122612454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-92027422263084932962008-01-01T10:01:00.000-09:002008-01-01T10:01:00.000-09:00I wouldn't take the DVD away. I would have her wa...I wouldn't take the DVD away. I would have her watch it. if she likes it explain that Grandma knew she would like it and that her feelings were hurt when it was thrown on the floor. then have her tell, or write to, her grandma that she loves it and is sorry about the way she acted.Ice Creamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10720267761985766740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-84366350538428370092008-01-01T08:48:00.000-09:002008-01-01T08:48:00.000-09:00What an adventure! I voted for her to write an ap...What an adventure! I voted for her to write an apology letter (after she understands with her heart why a letter would be a good thing), and I also voted for her to get the DVD back after she understands. I've been in her shoes, actually, and have to admit that my teenage years were filled with near meltdowns from disappointment. (peach colored jogging suits are never cool, even if they are from Grandma)<BR/><BR/>But the one thing I've learned in the last decade of my life is that I'd give just about anything to have those childhood moments back to show my appreciation and love to both of my grandmothers. I realize now what thoughtfulness and work and even sacrifice went into their gift-giving, and now that one of them is gone and the other is recovering from a stroke, I treasure my memories even more. But the memories where I was ungrateful for a gift really hurt my heart, and if those were possible to change, I would. Even if it meant wearing a painfully bright peach sweatsuit in public.Inklinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02775312085301951675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-57855524821025993372007-12-31T20:48:00.000-09:002007-12-31T20:48:00.000-09:00Quite a difficult situation. I'm interested to fi...Quite a difficult situation. I'm interested to find out the results, if your decision matched up with the majority of the pole. <BR/><BR/>I voted to talk to her about her behavior. I have a five year old diva, I mean daughter myself. I know how they can be especially when things don't go the way they think they should. Sometimes you just have to get out of the situation and then talk about it. It's easier to rationalize with them that way.<BR/><BR/>I hope grandma wasn't too upset.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-86487891462015820332007-12-31T17:54:00.000-09:002007-12-31T17:54:00.000-09:00I wouldn't be too hard on her, given that she's 5....I wouldn't be too hard on her, given that she's 5. I distinctly remember throwing a similar fit at a slightly older age (6 or 7) when every birthday gift my parents gave me was clothing. I yelled, "I hate clothes!" and burst into tears.<BR/><BR/>I can't remember how my mom dealt with my behavior, but I did learn empathy and still feel guilty about that outburst to this day. I think I turned out pretty well, 30 years later. :)<BR/><BR/>I like the role playing idea to help her understand how her reactive behavior made the gifter feel.Kaseyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12835701399105294561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-48174258870468716542007-12-31T17:20:00.000-09:002007-12-31T17:20:00.000-09:00I am going to play devil's advocate for a second.I...I am going to play devil's advocate for a second.<BR/><BR/>If she sat and watched as all her cousins and such got all these cool toys and then unwrapped a DVD that she wouldn't be able to actually WATCH while at the party I would be PISSED too. Not that that excuses her behavior.<BR/><BR/>I have a five year old, and had one that is now 8 and one that in 4 years god help me will be a non-tantrum-y (not a word I know) five year old. Been there done that. She's five and THAT is how five year olds act. They are still learning how to act (especially in public) and unfortunately sometimes it goes terribly freaking freight train wrong! That being said I do feel badly for her.<BR/><BR/>I'd make her write that apology note BUT perhaps she might include some ideas for things...for future consideration...that she might have liked to receive, especially if she never gets DVD's.<BR/><BR/>I don't know...just ignore what I said. I have no freaking clue what to do with my own kids. Hehe.<BR/><BR/>K.Krishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06372904383979683415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-69879647860486970682007-12-31T16:57:00.000-09:002007-12-31T16:57:00.000-09:00As much as I think this is unacceptable, it happen...As much as I think this is unacceptable, it happened. I personally think that trying to make her understand the feelings she created by reacting the way she did would be the best thing. Sometimes, if kids have not been put in a situation like this before, they don;t know how to act. This is a perfect learning experience.<BR/>With my daughter, who is also 5, every time we are put in a situation where she could potentially be receiving a gift, i remind her privately about manners. I always remind her that if she doesn't like it, or any other negative thing, she can talk to me about it privately. i remind her that she should always say thank you. It has really worked so far. <BR/><BR/>I have a book to suggest:<BR/>Family Virtues Guide<BR/>by linda kavelin popov i think.<BR/>It is an awesome book. There are 52 brief lessons for families about the virtues. It covers everything from compassion, empathy, generosity, etc.... I read it myself (you can share it with kids but i wanted to read through it first) and what I noticed about that book is that it talks in a child friendly language so it is VERY easy to understand. Also, it gives us parents ideas on how to react to things, and how to positively guide our kids. If ever you do get it or read it, let me know what you thought.<BR/><BR/>...<BR/>i would suggest making sure your daughter understands that it is not the fact that she didnt like the gift that caused the whole issue. it is how it was communicated :)<BR/><BR/>best of luck....!JennPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14706897431406564741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-60477906790404387052007-12-31T15:16:00.000-09:002007-12-31T15:16:00.000-09:00I am definitely with carri k. and kacie on this on...I am definitely with carri k. and kacie on this one. While you want your children to be gracious about gifts they receive, even if they don't really like them, you (collectively) should consider their ages. While I would be totally embarrassed if my 8 year old did that, I could excuse it from a 5 year old. With that said, I voted that she should write an apology letter.<BR/><BR/>I remember a Christmas when I was 10 and my 5 year old cousin got a really cool gift that I wanted, too. I pissed and moaned about it all night long. Come to think of it, I did a lot of that in regards to gifts that my cousin received and I didn't. Trust me, spanking doesn't help. At all. At least it did nothing to curb my appalling behavior and I got A LOT of spankings. The only thing that did work was a bit of time, growing up, and relatives who understood that 1.)I was probably lonely from being flown about the country between my divorced and dysfunctional family and 2.) I was utterly exhausted from it all. <BR/><BR/>I say cut Lillian a bit of slack. She's only five.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07570437173288571934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-53850151001208388042007-12-31T15:00:00.000-09:002007-12-31T15:00:00.000-09:00OK, I only read a few of the comments because I ha...OK, I only read a few of the comments because I have a houseful of guest arriving shortly (happy new years by the way).<BR/><BR/>I've been terrified of this happening with one of my kids, so we talk every once in a while about being grateful, which I define as "being happy for a gift even if it isn't exactly what you want". I used something similar to what Carrie described, trying to have them feel what it would be like to be the giver. It is just one of those things that will bear lots of repetition-5 year olds by their nature are pretty self centered still.<BR/><BR/>Good luckJenn @ Frugal Upstatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11737088723989230434noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-49507717370211657702007-12-31T12:32:00.000-09:002007-12-31T12:32:00.000-09:00Oooo - that's bad! Sounds like my child...I like a...Oooo - that's bad! Sounds like my child...<BR/>I like all the advice previously posted and have nothing profound to say of my own since I am constantly stumped as a parent to a 3 1/2-year-old with a very "big" personality. However I recently read this suggestion: (can't remember where...)<BR/>Before any holiday where presents are involved, this mom practiced "present opening" by wrapping up some seriously crappy gifts - like old socks, empty cans, etc. Then the kids had to take turns opening them and thinking up really positive things to say about the gift, and not letting their face show their disappointment. I don't know if this would work for a 5-year-old, especially in the moment, but I thought it was a neat idea.<BR/>I think the way you handled the situation was great - I might not have been so patient and kind. As for what to do next - you got me! I guess the question is, will she benefit from having the DVD taken from her? Will she remember WHY she isn't allowed to have it? Will it help her act any differently in the future? Good luck!<BR/>(BTW I just found your blog - love it!)Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15835829874538015850noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-56045856433846373932007-12-31T11:10:00.000-09:002007-12-31T11:10:00.000-09:00I voted for taking away the privilege of dvds...bu...I voted for taking away the privilege of dvds...but I think all movies and a reminder of why there is no watching. It is a tough situation.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-52557184190976788002007-12-31T11:07:00.000-09:002007-12-31T11:07:00.000-09:00I know she's five. But really, five isn't that ol...I know she's five. But really, five isn't that old. I remember being completely disappointed when my great aunt gave me mittens for Christmas. Reliable BROWN mittens. They weren't even red, for heaven's sake. Apparently my reaction was not impressive. <BR/><BR/>Of course talk to your daughter about it (which I'm sure you have). And how she should have acted and how we receive gifts. But it helps to admit that we've all received gifts that we weren't thrilled with. Give her a little empathy. A little consequence. And a little hug.Allyshahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10638969631863483061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-37419701261212984842007-12-31T11:00:00.000-09:002007-12-31T11:00:00.000-09:00She probably doesn't want to see the DVD, since sh...She probably doesn't want to see the DVD, since she wasn't thrilled with it, so giving it back to her or not isn't really the issue.<BR/><BR/>As someone here said, she's only 5. She hasn't yet learned how to smile and nod and be polite when getting a gift she doesn't want.<BR/><BR/>I say have her write a short thank you note, explain to her why this is the proper thing to do and then next time she's getting a boatload of presents, remind her quietly beforehand that she must be nice even if she doesn't like all the presents. I would reinforce this until she's got it down.Karen Olsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05867709664100997228noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14194867.post-84163641357473651842007-12-31T10:59:00.000-09:002007-12-31T10:59:00.000-09:00Okay. I figured it would be extremely unhelpful, n...Okay. I figured it would be extremely unhelpful, not to mention just plain mean, to vote for the "You should do something entirely different", but not say what. Seeing as how I have double the kids you do, I may have had more experience in this punishment/consequences/character training thing. Not that that qualifies me for anything other than frequent visits to our local psychiatric ward. <BR/>So if this happened to me, I would take away all TV/VCR/DVD privileges for a few days. I would also let the other children enjoy HER DVD that she got for Christmas. At the end of the period, I would let her watch it, and then write and tell Grandma all the things she loved about the gift, what she did that was wrong, and how she is sorry for what she did. Our society is chock-full of ungratefulness, and we need to be teaching our children that if they received a package of Hanes underwear for Christmas, they should be thankful that they were even thought of! <BR/>Just my $.02. Or maybe less than that if you think I'm waaaayyyy off base here.Mikala B. Heykoophttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05505653194100434486noreply@blogger.com