Why Family Vacations Are Important

Andrew and I are working on plans for a family vacation in March, we're taking the kids to Florida because Lillian wants princesses, David wants alligators, Spencer wants water parks, Grace wants roller coasters and Andrew and I want sun. Florida fits the bill.

If I think back to my favorite memories from childhood they're always connected to family vacations: beaches, camp grounds, fishing holes, theme parks, it really doesn't matter where we went if we were together we were having fun and those are the times that stand out.

I've met people who, for whatever reason, don't believe in taking vacations but I'm here to tell you they're crucial for a happy, close family and here's why:

1. Vacations make you healthy. While goals, hard work and ambition are important without periods of rest and relaxation we are less capable of appreciating the benefits of all our work. We're not machines and we need a break now and then to be most productive.

2. Vacations promote humor and play. This may be obvious but when we're relaxed we tend to joke and play more. Families need a bit of goofiness and laughter, it's like the grease that keeps the wheels turning. Dignity and formality have their place but when we can sit back years later and laugh about how funny it was when Luke ate all the sand at the beach or when Danny sat on the ski lift with Phil Meyer it binds us together with the shared experiences.

3. Vacations deepen relationships. If I didn't have family vacations how else would I ever know that Mom detests scary rides or that Andrew lives for roller coasters? How would I know that Andrew wants to someday plan a canoe trip where we portage our canoes through the river systems of Alaska? I'd never know that my father can burp the "Stars and Stripes Forever." I know exactly what my children are like when they come home from school, I know what Andrew is like when he's getting ready to leave for work but vacations add another layer to our relationships and if we didn't play together I'd miss critical parts of their personalities.

Now, having said all this here's a few tips for planning a vacation:

* Vacations don't need to be expensive. My family did a lot of camping and I remember my Dad coming home from work Friday evening and all of us piling into the wood-paneled station wagon to head to the Kenai for an overnighter or maybe just to be together until 1 or 2 am when it finally got too dark to fish. There are lots of websites that specialize in ways to cut costs for vacations but however inexpensive you go it should be something you plan for in your budget--it's really more important than a new car, bigger home, fancier clothes or more lessons for the kids because it's something that will promote family unity and love. Cars don't do that and won't mean a thing when your child is grown--there are studies that show that experiences, not possessions, have a much greater influence on happiness anyway.

* Vacations shouldn't be thick with expectations. If you plan a trip with a checklist of things that must happen to make it successful you're doomed to be disappointed. While vacations can bring out the best there is a natural amount of stress and trauma and if you hang your hopes on creating the perfect experience you'll fail. Be flexible, be realistic and be relaxed. Don't demand things from family members, don't require that they like certain activities and be prepared to change things around if they're not working. Most of the best parts of vacations are the happy coincidences.

* Family vacations shouldn't be individual experiences. Andrew and I took a cruise a year ago--just the two of us--and we loved it. We've thought about taking the kids on a cruise, but I have a natural aversion to taking my children because of one thing: family cruises run the risk of being nothing more than expensive daycare. The big selling point of the Disney cruises, for example, is that there are activities for each family member so everyone can do what they like. What kind of a family vacation is that? You end up spending the trip in separate activities, without any increased time together, without doing anything that you might not like. There is inherent value in just being together and a cruise, with it's multiplicity of activities, negates that unless you're very wary.

When we sat down to plan our Florida trip we held a family council where we researched what was available, made a list of everything we wanted to do, then each person got to vote for two things they wanted to do--that was our activity list and we went from there. Lillian may not have Kennedy Space Center at the top of her list but it's good for her to see something that she may not have thought she'd like and while Spencer may not have been dreaming about Sleeping Beauty's castle it's good for him to participate in something that's important to his sister.

* Vacations shouldn't be confused with obligations. Because Alaska is so far away from the Lower 48 and many people who live here have family Outside, when they go to take a family vacation they feel the need to spend their time and money visiting relatives. This is a fine thing to do of course but it means that family vacations get eaten up with family obligations. Take, for example, going to a wedding. This doesn't give much together time, there are usually stressful situations and expectations placed on children that don't make it fun at all. If you haven't seen Uncle Lucius and Aunt Portia (how do you like my made up relatives?) for years then you'll feel obligated to spend time reconnecting with them rather than reconnecting with the people you live with and see every day--though they are the people who are your first priority in life. If you need time to reconnect with extended family do it, that's great, but it's not really a family vacation and shouldn't be confused with one.

So! Got all that? Good, because I can't wait until we leave for Florida--it's going to be wonderful and every dollar and minute will be worth it. There will be pictures, oh yes. There will be pictures.

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