Things I've Recently Learned

It's been a while since I've said anything about how things are going here, we're coming up on the six-week anniversary since Andrew lost his job and when I first mentioned it here many of you commented and said, "Wait and see, there will be good things that will come from this" and while I agreed you'll pardon me if I was ever-so-slightly skeptical at the time.

Panic has a way of doing that you know. But six weeks is six weeks. Andrew mentioned to me that the whole thing reminded him of the other traumatic time he had this summer when his boat capsized and how he felt when he finally popped up after being under water. We agreed that by now we feel that we've popped up and are getting some air and it's time to swim for shore. A good metaphor I think.

But while I've talked about ways we're cutting back and things I'm worrying over I thought I'd like to concentrate today on a few things I've been learning during this time. Maybe there are those who have been here before who have learned other lessons as well but for now this is what we're noticing and I'm coupling it with cute pictures of my kids in the picnic we had last week.

Because I have that kind of power and because it was a really, really nice evening where we could forget stress and just enjoy being outside together (and by the way, that water is just above freezing but they stayed in it for hours).

1. There are a lot of very kind people out there. It's interesting how when you're struggling with something that the slightest thing can be a blessing. A kind word, a plate of cookies, a thoughtful gesture--and there have been quite a few who have said and done such nice things. And while a loaf of homemade bread may not solve all the problems it goes a very long way toward making you feel not so alone and worried because it's proof that the world isn't so bad after all, right? I'm grateful for each gesture.

2. Now I know what to say. Have you ever had it happen where you know someone has had something bad happen to them, say a death in the family or something else tragic, and while you sympathize and want to say something appropriate to comfort them, what can you say? There have been plenty of times when I worry about saying the right thing or I worry that bringing it up might be embarrassing or painful so I make the worst choice of saying nothing at all.

There's nothing like having something unfortunate happen to you to teach you exactly how to react to others in similar circumstances. You don't tell a mother whose just miscarried, "It's okay, you'll have other children" if you've had it happen to you right? Well when I have friends who have lost their jobs I now know that the kindest thing to do is to say, "I'm so sorry to hear what happened, I'd love to be able to help you however I can. How are you holding up?" because things like that have been the most comforting to us.

The hard thing about losing your job is that there's a certain amount of shame associated with the experience. It's not something one is typically proud of no matter how the situation came about and having your friends ignore the issue and pretend it didn't happen makes you feel as if they're embarrassed about it (not a nice thing to feel). Never again will I not say anything because I'm worried about saying the wrong thing, I've learned better.

3. I'm more compassionate. Andrew came home one day this past month and commented that it was funny how that when he now saw homeless people his attitude was so much softer and more compassionate. He thought, "Gosh, that poor guy's down on his luck, what a hard life to have" rather than ignoring him altogether and I agreed with him. When you're down on your own luck you start to notice that others may not have it so rosy either and feelings of sympathy come quicker than feelings of judgment.

A little more compassion is always a good thing.

4. I waste less. I already mentioned Andrew's ramen noodle episode which I thought was funny but really it's indicative of a switch to a less wasteful lifestyle. We save gas, we save electricity, we save leftovers, we save the ends on the loaves of bread for goodness sake. It makes me feel rather ashamed of so many things I have wasted over the years (oh how Mom used to lecture me for not drinking the milk in the bottom of my cereal bowl!) but we've been excellent at recycling and reusing. You'd be so proud of us.

5. I'm rather excited for the future. You'll laugh at me but earlier this summer before all this happened I was outside being lazy and I remember looking up at the blue sky and thinking how smoothly things were all going in our lives followed by, "Gosh it feels like something bad is about to happen to stir things up."

I must have ESP or something. But I secretly admitted to myself that it was all becoming a little boring--cruise control gets tiresome. The same routine every day, the same things, the same patterns. I was right, something did happen to shake things up and now that we're working so hard to keep afloat at least I can say it's really kind of interesting, even exciting. And who knows what might happen? Before things were laid out so stiff and solid in front of us but now it's kind of open to improvisation and sometimes that can be a good thing. I'm pretty sure it's not going to be easy but sometimes the things that aren't easy can be very rewarding in the end. I'm just hoping that "The End" isn't right around the corner, like say in eight months where we're living in a cardboard box off 36th Avenue.

6. It's going to be great for the kids. For years we have seriously struggled with our children living in a society filled with excess. So many gadgets and toys to have, places to visit and things to own and it just isn't good for anyone let alone an impressionable, growing mind. It is tiring to feel as if we're always having to say, "No, you can't have that," "No, I'm not going to buy that for you," "Yes, you'll be the only child left on the planet without the shoes with rollers on the bottom but you'll live" but now the situation is taken completely out of my hands for a glorious reprieve. I don't have to be the bad guy anymore--at least at this point--because they know the money isn't there so they don't even ask.

In fact it goes farther than that, they can see that things have changed and it's teaching them the same things I've mentioned above and they're handling it fine. Would they rather have their "stuff" back? I'm sure but they're learning that life can be good without a lot of stuff, maybe even better.

I hope they still feel that way in six months.

7. It's kept me blogging. I had fully resolved to shut things down in September and everything I did was leading up to it but once we needed all the extra cash we could collect from the sofa I figured it might be a bad idea.

So I kept going and wouldn't you know it, something about this past month has changed things. It's not as if I'm a brand new person, married to my blog till death do us part but somewhere during the month new things came up, new opportunities and it all fell together where I now kind of realize where I want to go with things and what place blogging has for me and it never would have happened if I'd shut things down. Funny how things like that go. . . .

8. It's kept me exercising. In general principle I really really hate to exercise. In fact the only good thing about exercise (for me) is how good it feels when I stop and when we went through that whole barefoot-running thing this summer I wondered how long it would take for the honeymoon to end. But once all this stress hit I could tell that it would be critical for Andrew to have regular ways to work it out at the track and I thought it would be good if I did it with him so we could spend that extra time together now that time would be at a premium.

So it's been three months now and we're out jogging several times a week. I'm not any marathon star or anything but I'm jogging two miles in about 26 minutes--nice and easy is my motto--and it feels good to be keeping fit and spending time with my friend. So that's been another good thing that wouldn't have probably happened if this all hadn't happened (especially since you know how there are two types of people in this world: those who don't eat when they're stressed and those who eat when they're stressed? I'm the second kind. Sigh. Or losing a few pounds fro the stress would be on the list).

9. I'm more creative with solutions to our needs. If we needed something at the store it was easy to run on down and pick it up but you should see me now. The kids' Halloween costumes have already been thoroughly discussed (they start planning for them around August) and we're not spending a dime, it's all from stuff we already have.

If I have to run an errand I'm a genius at plotting a path that will take the least amount of time and gas and I've been learning new ways to use every scrap of extras we have. In fact, I just harvested a bunch of cabbage from the garden and after using it in the meal for that night David even used some of the extra leaves for food in his worm tub.

Worm tub? I haven't mentioned that? It's another post for another day. Let's just say we've got more worms than you'd normally feel comfortable with living under our roof.

10. I don't have a number ten. It's only six months into this thing and while I'm being extremely positive today you'll forgive me that I could only come up with nine good things. I'm sure there will be more later but for now nine is all I can handle.

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