Ugliest Animals on Earth

We've had our share of animals around here--hamsters and parakeets, frogs and fish, but these guys are pets for people who want to be just a little different than your average animal lover. To be honest, these are the animals that make a pretty good case for natural selection.

1. sphynx cat
These guys inspire nothing but pity in me--they didn't grow this way they were specifically bred not to have any hair which of course makes them rather cold and eager to cuddle with other animals and humans. Poor things.

They were bred in the 1960s and now there are several different strains including Mexican hairless. Why Mexican? Not sure. All the Mexican people I know have plenty of hair.

2. proboscis monkey
Proboscis means "nose." Not sure why someone thought that was appropriate but for whatever reason it's stuck.

Living in Borneo, only the males have such large facial characteristics and when they get angry their noses swell with blood and get all red. I'm really, really glad that humans don't have this particular characteristic as well. Really glad.

3. warthog
The animal world's answer to body piercing.

I actually don't know much about these guys, I had to look it up and found that they live in Africa (obviously I haven't seen The Lion King enough or I would have figured it out on my own). What The Lion King doesn't tell you is that they can run and jump pretty well and sometimes kill lions with those tusks of theirs. Take that Simba.

4. California condor
The rush to save these birds from extinction was the most expensive conservation effort in history and I won't say anything more about that. I think the picture speaks for itself. Condors are one of the longest living birds, surviving fifty years. Seems that I heard parrots last forever too--but condors are one of the rarest with only about 300 alive.

Because the world needs all the gigantic, bald, hideous, meat-eating flying scavengers it can get.

5. Irish lord
We catch these periodically out in Resurrection Bay when we're halibut fishing, they're a deep-water fish that are truly hideous in a way that deserves a round of applause.

Spiny, big mouthed, bulging and nasty the only thing that makes these guys uglier is if you pull them up too fast and they kind of explode from the change in pressure. Not pretty.

6. axolotl
I'm not a fan of salamanders in general, they're slimy and rather creepy with their underwater thing and the gills and the not-quite-fish-yet-not-quite-lizard issue. The axolotl lives in Mexico and is facing problems from shrinking habitats and polluted waters (I'm trying to feel some sympathy here) but in Japan they've got an enormous salamander cousin that is something like four feet long.

Can you imagine swimming in some quiet pool and coming across a four foot salamander? I know they're not dangerous but I would completely flip out if one of those bumped up against me.

7. elephant seal
Whenever the word "elephant" is used as an adjective you know the results aren't going to be pretty.

And this is even the guy's good side.

8. star nosed mole
You kind of have to take your hats of to this one, he's so ugly, so freaky-looking, so artistically disturbing that he really deserves a prize.

I've never seen one in real life, never seen a regular mole either, and I guess keeping this one buried in the ground isn't a bad idea.

9. naked mole rat
I guess it really means something that all of the animals on the list are hairless, not one has a good covering except maybe the condor though it's the naked head that gets him noticed.

Naked mole rats really couldn't be uglier if you painted them green with pink spots, heck that would probably be an improvement. I've seen these at the zoo in a huddled pile and it kind of makes you question things when something so strange can survive like that.

Oops! I take that back--the monkey has hair.

10. blob fish
I think fish are over-represented in the category of Ugliest Animals, there are so many out there that you could fill three or four lists but this one really takes it.

It looks--forgive me--like a big pile of lard or a big stomach or something. Like a pile of Playdough with eyes.

I think they're a deep-water fish as well--all the ugly stuff lives way down deep--and I'm kind of glad. It's not exactly a candidate for the aquarium at the dentist's office is it?

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