Friday, February 24, 2006

Odd Things About the Olympics


10. 17 days--I mean there have been wars that were shorter.

9. Speed skaters' legs---pretty hard to tell the men from the women (and that's not a good thing).

8. Luge v. Skeleton, the difference seems a technicality but we're still talking about sledding here folks.

7. We say Turin, they say Turino--Turin . . . Turino . . . so when did all the broadcasters defect to Europe? But they're still calling it Italy (not Italia) last time I checked.

6. Opening ceremony disco. The only thing missing was the Bee Gees, but that would have made it much cooler.

5. Personal medals, as if the proliferation of unusual events isn't enough the announcers seem to think anyone who tries hard and has a family member suffering from cancer deserves a "Personal Medal."
Hmmmm . . .

4. Obvious questions. "How did you feel Lindsey when you were way out ahead in the race and were sure to win the gold medal and then did that really stupid hot-dogging trick and fell, losing your chance at a gold medal and incuring the ridicule of most of the free world?" The only interesting thing about questions like this is that the athletes actually take time to listen to them.

3. Aerial ski stunts. I may be wrong but isn't this just a way to including diving in the winter olympics? This isn't new--doing flips with a snow board, with skis, with a swim suit or with a set of uneven parallel bars, it's all the same stuff--they even practice in a pool. Seems we're being taken in here--the only thing different is skiing toward the jump and even I could make it that far.

2. Costumes for skating. This goes beyond words, I won't even try. But if skaters want skating to be considered a sport maybe they ought to start dressing like it's one. Forget the feathers and tulle and try some high-tech performance suits--save the dresses for the encore performance at the end.

1. Okay, this one sounds pretty grumpy, but maybe, just maybe during all the things Team USA does for its athletes to prepare them for the games they should start including a 30-minute prep class on how to properly treat the flag. Hard to see the athletes wrapping themselves up in the flag, dragging it behind them, holding it improperly, kissing it, or crumpling it in a frenzy of pseudo-patriotism. They're really just jazzed that they won and haven't a clue what to do to show their national pride. I imagine you could get a few Marines from Iraq to take the weekend off and give a crash-course of what patriotism means and how to properly display the flag. See I told you it sounded a little grumpy--but after all, it has been 17 days!

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