Cruising the Caribbean, AARP Style

Different cruise lines are known for different things: Princess is affordable, drawing families and couples, Royal Caribbean has mammoth ships with ice rinks and Holland America has a reputation for catering to the older crowd.

When Andrew and I arrived at Pier 6 in Tampa I’d never seen so many walkers, wheelchairs, oxygen tanks and liver spots in one room. I counted three families with children and a few that appeared to be honeymooning but the majority had been collecting social security for years. What did this mean for our cruising experience? Well here’s my summary of things both good and not-so-good:

1. Bingo is very popular. Andrew and I caught the end of the final bingo game while waiting for the next show to start. An eerie diaglogue ensued between the announcer and his subjects, he’d pull a number and after announcing it, the group would intone the proper answer in unison--if it had been in Latin and a bit less energetic I would have thought it'd stumbled into mass. For example:

“I-66! I-66! Get your kicks . . .”

Here he would pause and the audience would reply: “On Route 66!”

Or perhaps he’d say, “B-7! I said B-7! Where do all the good bees go when they die?”

And the group would say with a slight buzzing quality, “Bees-heaven!”

It was like walking into some secret society, one with its own set of bylaws and behavior that would warrant exploration during a National Geographic special. Only problem was, when they finally had a winner—Gladys Merfred from Ontario, Canada—the old girl was so excited they almost had to bring out the defibrillator. Easy there Gladys. Breathe.

2. The early dinner seating is very popular. Five forty-five and everyone is ready to turn in—so get the prune juice flowing ASAP.

3. So, conversely, if you have a later dinner seating the world is your oyster—when 99% of the ship is in bed by nine you’ve got it to yourself.

4. But be prepared because it also means that come 6 am all those who can walk without assistance are doing their morning deck-walk on Deck Six’s quarter-mile teak loop. Kind of a mall walkers gone wild. I stepped outside my door one morning to catch the sunrise and was nearly trampled by a fleet of old men in Bermuda shorts, sneakers and navy blue dress socks all vigorously marching counter-clockwise.

5. The swimming pool is usually available without interruption day or night—ditto the weight room. I had the treadmills and salt water pool all to myself whenever I wanted them. On Deck Twelve the M.S. Veendam has a “teens only” area that’s called The Loft. Equipped with a waterfall, hammocks and a tropical theme it was one of the coolest places on the ship. I never saw one teen use it. Andrew wanted to sneak in but I put my foot down, afraid they’d cart him away.

6. But not so with the hot tub which was so popular it was “sagging” room only. The white wrinkled bodies tended to resemble chickens stewing in a pot. But who wants a hot tub in 90 degrees anyway, right? I’m fine with sticking to the pool.

7. You won’t have to dodge people on the stairs, they’re all in the elevators.

8. You’re not going to run out of pizza at the snack bar with the passengers all taking Nexium and worrying about heartburn. The spicy stuff is all mine.

9. There’s plenty of space available in shore excursions involving anything more exerting than walking down the gangway.

10. However, be careful as this can work to your disadvantage. We were booked on a shore excursion to go to San Pedro Island, Belize and snorkel in a place called Shark-Ray Alley. We love snorkeling and I booked that excursion a year ago to be sure we’d get a spot (it was listed as a favorite among guests). The day before we docked in Belize we got a message that the excursion was cancelled due to lack of participation. Seems that they needed 30 people to make the trip and only 10—out of a population of 1285 mind you—signed up.

We were crushed, but not as disappointed as the shore excursion guy at the front desk. He said that as long as he’d been at the job not once had they had enough people to make the excursion, evidently there’s no interest in snorkeling with sharks when you're taking high blood pressure medication. Oh how he’s longed to make that trip. So it’s a dicey situation, can go either way.

11. With that many elderly people on a ship, Andrew wondered if they’d ever had anyone make the Ultimate Disembarkation. I noticed they had ambulances on hand at the pier. Odds are it’s had to have happened. We wondered how Holland America would handle that. It’s seems a little odd, it says specifically in their brochure that women who are pregnant past a certain point of gestation cannot travel with HAL. Surely it would only be fair to add that people with an unusually high chance of dying during the cruise shouldn’t be allowed on board either.

12. Even though you’re 36 with four kids and crows’ feet you can be mistaken for a honeymooning newlywed. Don’t be surprised if you’re referred to as “kids” with kindly affection. Enjoy it or not. I chose to be flattered.

13. But the number one reason I'd recommend a geriatric tour of the Caribbean is that your odds are good that you will be the best looking body in a bathing suit for 2,000 miles.

Here are a couple tiny clips of that last day at sea if you have nothing better to do.

Andrew at our juggling workshop--don't laugh it was totally fun

Eating ice cream on the Lido Deck--our daily ritual

More about the Thursday Thirteen meme

Technorati tags: Thursday Thirteen, cruises, AARP, Holland America