Five Points of Time Managment for Children

My mother is the kind of woman who can whip up a gourmet dinner with one hand while painting a work of art worthy of any wall with the other--all with a spotless house. She gives Martha a run for her money. But with all her talents and interests she had a rule for her six children: only one extra-curricular activity per child at a time.

I figured this was merely a survival tool for our family--I can't imagine what life would have been like if each of us played after-school sports and had weekly instrument lessons in addition to church and family obligations--but now as a mother of four I've come to see the wisdom in this policy, a wisdom that many families today have lost.

The majority of my children's peers are simultaneously involved in music lessons, tae kwan do, soccer, drama and dance, where their families plan their lives around the football, hockey, basketball or baseball seasons. As I watch the world around me rushing to get their child to the next lesson, tryout or game I can't help but wonder if parents realize the long-term consequences of producing overly-involved children.

Putting the issue of money aside (though the cost of these activities is staggering) there are three major reasons why having children involved in more than one activity at a time is detrimental to their development.

First, it gives children an unrealistic view of the world and success. Children who are black belts, starting forwards on the basketball team and youth-symphony violinists come to expect that life is measured by the trophies on your shelf. They feel they aren't successful unless they have received recognition for their latest accomplishment which is simply not true.

How many adults are prize-winning authors, top marathoners, and concert ballerinas? Life has many awards and accolades to hand out but the majority of humanity goes through life largely unnoticed, unrecognized and unquoted. If children are taught that happiness comes from a perfect 10 instead of through successful interpersonal relationships and meaningful work they will grow to expect the impossible.

Second, it makes it difficult for children to choose one path of pursuit. The average time it now takes to get a four-year college degree is now six years according to an article on MSN. Students are finding it increasingly difficult to find and stick with a course of study.

If a child is introduced to so many activities and areas of study how can he or she possibly be expected to suddenly, at age 18, choose one field of study to follow for the rest of their life? An overwhelming task at best. No wonder there are so many college students lingering in the abyss of general education or recycling through the educational system seeking one degree after another--taking lessons is a safe, comfortable place because that's what they have been taught to do.

Third, it teaches children to be consumers rather than producers. In an age of instant gratification and self-indulgence the last thing a child today needs is a parent who chauffeurs them from one activity to the next, scheduling their lives like a personal secretary, videotaping every recital like a personal film crew. When children are enrolled in multiple activities the message they receive is that their parents' lives and the family's existence revolve around their schedule.

It is more important to teach a child that there are many things that they might like to do but that are impractical, that no one has time to do everything, that the world can't accommodate every desire of their heart and that they'll grow up well-rounded and happy nonetheless.

Perhaps this is more difficult to teach a mother than it is to teach a child. Mother Guilt is a powerful force and I too have felt pangs of worry that I'm somehow placing my children at a disadvantage if they're not given the opportunity to explore all life has to offer. But in reality a child learns more about getting along with others, accomplishing something that is difficult or unpleasant, working hard and teamwork from meaningful family activities than they ever would from a soccer team. They don't need coaches, they need parents.

As an antidote to this over-scheduling epidemic here are five points that, if followed, will not only simplify your life but to teach your children that life is a wonderful thing with many amazing opportunities--but that it's not all about them.

1. Only one activity per child at a time. In our family this doesn't include church or family obligations, which means that during school months my children have church activities one time during the week outside of Sunday and then one other activity of their choosing. They are highly encouraged--though not forced--to make that one activity a music lesson. Mostly because I can save money by teaching them piano lessons myself but also because I think that's a valuable thing to learn for both artistic and analytical skills.

During the summer, however, they are allowed to participate in swimming lessons and they're encouraged to play outdoor sports with the neighborhood children. All other physical recreation during the year, summer or winter, comes from family activities such as cross-country running, sledding, ice-skating and hiking--and we do plenty of that.

2. Encourage your children to stick with it. In whatever activity they've selected there is much to be learned from perseverance and overcoming obstacles that they'll never discover if they jump ship the first time things get rough. Teach them to pick something and keep at it.

3. Change your view of your child. Don't look at your child's success as an extension of your own and allow them their own life, skills, talents and failures. I Speak of Dreams is a blog I found that discusses this growing phenomenon of having Trophy Children and has a long list of articles on the subject.

4. Remember what a family activity is. A "family activity" is NOT watching another member play baseball. Family activities are those where all members are participating equally, all others are merely family obligations.

5. Don't allow family obligations to get in the way of family activities. Have priorities and stick to them. Supporting a family member in his or her endeavors is one thing, putting everything in the family on hold until the season's over is another.

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