Monday, April 23, 2007

Oh Yea? So What Is YOUR Child Wearing?

Valley of the Moon Park Anchorage, AlaskaMert at Almost Somewhat Positive had a Dorkiest Moment Contest that I missed but I dug through the journals to bring you this entry that would have qualified from July 24, 2002:

***

It was a hot summer day so I decided to take the kids to the park. They picked The Valley of the Moon Park--a giant three-story rocketship, open spaces, a nearby creek--this park has it all.

They had lots of muddy fun down by the banks of the stream, floating sticks and leaves and plunking rocks into the current. When they were done (they weren't done but I was) they were filthy from the elbows down to the tips of their fingers and from the waist to the ends of their toes, so when we got to the van I stripped David (age 3) down to just his shirt so he could sit in his car seat without muddying the seat. He didn't mind too much, the warm fuzzy upholstery on his tiny hiney felt pretty good compared to the wet muddy pants and underwear he'd been wearing--they'd begun to chaff a bit. I loaded everyone up, including baby Lillian in her car seat, jumped in the driver's seat and made the jump to warp speed.

It was a 20 minute drive home and while zooming along the highway I realized I needed to stop at Carrs grocery on Huffman to pick up an ingredient for dinner. I was in a bit of a hurry when I pulled into the parking lot and was thrilled to find a spot by the door. I grabbed Lillian in the car carrier, the kids piled out the other side and followed me into the store like little baby ducks in a row.

I made good time, grabbed what I needed and was headed to check out when I got a fair distance ahead of the kids and looked back to make sure they were still behind me. They were there all right. Grace, Spencer and my lovely little David--naked from the waist down. I realized in horror that I'd forgot to put his pants back on and he'd been following me obediently through the store in his shirt and bare feet enjoying the breeze and his new-found freedom.

There he was in Carrs--and the nice Carrs mind you, not the downtown Creepy Carrs--sporting the Donald Duck look. Half-naked. And that half being the most important half. Come to think of it, I had noticed a few strange looks people had thrown my way during my brief excursion through the store, but then with four children I get that a lot and hadn’t thought much about it. So I then faced the ultimate dilemma: Do I go back for his pants? Or do I check out since I’m practically there?

I opted for the "you might as well finish what's too late to fix" plan and ignored the raised eyebrows of the cashier as she wondered what kind of a white trash mom I must have been to take my son out naked in public. I should have come up with a great one-liner like "We're potty training and this is the punishment for accidents" or "We don't have enough pants to go around so the kids take turns wearing what we've got."

Go ahead, call social services, I dare you.

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47 comments:

Marty: said...

This is a funny story! I'm sitting at my computer at midnight laughing out loud picturing it.

Poppy Fields said...

I might start a first laugh of the day post entry...anyway, today you were it. I think we moms all get a little distracted once in awhile :)

Robin said...

I just spit diet coke out my nose!

la bellina mammina said...

that is hilarious, Michelle! When I let the baby go shoeless, the hubby grumbles, can you imagine if I let him go naked!!

Heather said...

Thanks for starting my day off with a smile!

jchevais said...

I remember when I was little, I had a friend with a younger sister (3 years old) who would, if you didn't watch her closely, strip nekid and start running down the street. She'd always start by a good shrieky scream so we knew to stop what we were doing and run off after her.

She drove her mother spare.

Jeana said...

"The Donald Duck look"

Too funny!

Blondie said...

OMG. I'm trying to imagine how I would have reacted if I had seen this in the grocery store or something. I probably would have started laughing out loud. Love it.

Amy said...

I love the line about punishing him- I almost spit out my drink reading that. Thanks for starting my morning out with a laugh! I think we have all had those moments as mothers.

The Late Bloomer said...

How hilarious! I'm sure I would have had my mind on a million different things at once too... with your four kids! I don't know how you do it, so I certainly wouldn't have been all that shocked. Heck, kids like to be naked, don't they? Sounds like he was having a good time...

Great story!

Jennifer said...

Funny! I am here through Meredith's link. That was a good laugh!

jen said...

oh, friend. this is the first post i read today and it so cracked me up.

Inkling said...

That is too funny! I needed a laugh this morning, and you provided just the thing. Thank you!

Julie Q. said...

Oh this is a classic! I'm so impressed that you've kept a good journal (no doubt full of such stories). Not only does it make for good blog fodder, but just wait until your kids are old enough to appreciate all the details you have retained for their amusement.

so grateful to be Mormon! said...

oh michelle: i started laughing from the moment the baby ducks followed you in a row, laughed the whole rest of the way through your post, and am still cracking up. you even made my eyes water. this was sooo funny. what a joyous memorable moment. thanks for making me laugh my guts out this morning dear!

i have the number to DFYS if you ever need it :) ha

oh, this was a riot and i love that you wrote about the whole experience.

all things good to the tiny hiney boy and his family today :)

Marie N. said...

My 5 year old would be envious! He loved to undress in his bedroom and carry each article of clothing separately to the laundry chute in the altogether, streaking 5 times down the hall and back. Sometimes he will also put his pajamas away them carry his clothes for the day into the living room or kitchen (wherever I am) and go about dressing there.

Tendrils said...

Oh My Gosh! I nearly had Diet Coke come out my nose! Thank you for making me laugh today!!!! WHAT A GREAT STORY!

Ni Yachen said...

That's a funny one. Our Ben would have loved that.

TeaMouse said...

That's too funny - if you had been wearing some pink fuzzy slippers, housecoat and had some rollers in your hair this would have been a perfect white trash moment.

Just goes to show you that not every moment with kids is picture perfect - and sometimes those are the most fun ones we have with them.

allysha said...

Oh, that is so funny. I've been laughing outloud.

Gina said...

Social Service is on their way now Michelle !=) Sorry, but I just ratted you out.
Funny mommy (in a tight spot) moment! =P

J Fife said...

I'm still getting over the shock that you went to the grocery store with 4 kids! You are a brave woman - with an excellent story.

Danielle said...

That is so hilarious. I thought I was bad when we head out the door and I haven't "noticed" how grubby one or all my boys faces have become.
I love how he was all gunho about not wearing pants.

Thanks for the smile.

Be well and enjoy the day

so grateful to be Mormon! said...

ah michelle: i am still cracking up over this and it was 3 hours ago that i read your post. what a trooper he was! oh, the joy. it also amuses me how NONE of the other 3 kiddos ratted him out and reminded you, MOM, david's nekid!!! so funny :)

my4kids said...

Oh my that is to funny. I am sure I have had my moments with four little kids at grocery stores but I try to block them out...Not really but I use that as my defense. Honestly sir he was wearing pants when we came in! I think....
I figure just be grateful they were all still with you when you got to the check out stand. Not losing any of them when little is a good day...long story...maybe when I get over the trauma I will tell. Even though it was 4 years ago

emma said...

Too funny. Thank goodness he didn't have a little poopy trail behind him.

:)

Leslie said...

Now that's funny.

laughing mommy said...

Thanks for the great laugh! What a great story!

Coach J said...

So funny!! I'm rolling, reading this to my hubby. Wished you'd been able to enter the contest!

mcewen said...

I don't know what all the fuss is about! 'Naked' is a positive choice for some of us. There again, Immigration and Deportation officers are due for another visit soon.
Cheers

chelle said...

Ok you have to check out In The Motherhood and submit one of your stories!!!!

hehehe!

Jen said...

O-kay, that had me nearly laughing til wet. I could just see little David, happily traipsing through the store, all bits flapping in the wind, joyful in his newfound freedom. Boys. :)

Anonymous said...

That is one of the funniest stories I've heard in a long time! I would have died of embarrassment! LOL!

Kailani
An Island Life

tongue in cheek said...

I came over from Poppy Fields...I enjoyed your story and laoughed aout loud too!!

Melissa R. Garrett said...

Hahahahahahaha!! Oh my goodness, that is so funny! How wonderful to be three and have no worries about modesty :-)

And only the coolest of the cool would dare to finish her shopping trip!

Damselfly said...

Oh, man, this is the best story! The Donald Duck look, hee hee! I'll be laughing all day.....

Will your older kids someday be like, "Remember that time Mom took David to the store half-naked?"

JAM said...

What a great story, I could feel the embarrassment as I read it.

You should have gotten a black magic marker and blacked out one of your front teeth and grinned real big at the cashier. Might as well look the part.

Meeta said...

That was hilarious, Michelle! I loved it! In Germany they are a little more open about these kind of things. In the summer my little one runs around the yard with other kids naked - not one neighbor looks on us weirdly. I guess this behavior in the US might cause a real ruckus!

Mafalda said...

I laugh to tears. That´s a really funny life episode.

Regards from Portugal (Europe)

annie said...

That's the funniest thing I have read all day!

sara - The Estrogen Files said...

ROTFL!! Everyone is looking at me now, wondering just WHAT I'm doing at this ocmputer!

Amber said...

Do you think you would have gotten the same reaction at New Saguya? ha ha! Awesome! Rock on that you finished checking out!

so grateful to be Mormon! said...

michelle: i am still cracking up over this one! i had fun linking this to my 7 dorkiest moments meme a couple days ago. you are going to have so much fun sharing this story with david's future spouse/family in law and friends when he is an adult!

~blessings :) kathleen

Summer said...

So funny! Thanks for being part of the Carnival of SAHMs!

So Sioux Me said...

This ws so funny I posted the link at www.traceesioux.blogspot.com and www.blogfabulous.com.

jtcosby said...

You have NO idea how much I needed that story. It is so something I would have done, LOVE IT!!!

Edi said...

I remember my sister telling a similar story - but she only has one kid!

They were driving some distance from home when she realized that her young son was only in his underwear I believe.

Don't know if they turned around and went home or what - but she is the one that advised me to always keep a change of clothes in the car for the kids.

Especially in the summer I keep my trunk full of "just in case" stuff - which includes a change of clothes for the kids now...you never know when they are going to do something crazy like sit DOWN in the lake 'accidentally' when you told them only to wade.