Friday, May 25, 2007

The Scribbit Mailbag

Dear AbbyYou may not know this, but I can go to my Google Analytics account and see exactly which words or phrases people type into Google to arrive at my blog. Any time anyone goes to Google, types in a phrase where my blog is included in the search results and they click through to it Google records the visit and the words that got them here. Let me tell you it's quite a window into humanity.

I'm no Dear Abby but judging from some of the questions leading my direction it would appear I'm the fountain of all knowledge. Unfortunately for those poor Googlers though they came with answers they left empty handed because I'm pretty sure none of these topics were adequately addressed in previous posts.

But being that concern for you, the reader, is my ultimate goal (well that and getting a really cool job as a travel writer) I thought I'd take a minute out of the day to answer some of this week's highlights so that future Googlers can find answers where others failed. Here, in no particular order are nine questions people Googled and then arrived at Scribbit:

1. My husband wears my pajamas.

Now this isn't technically a question but being that it presents such an interesting visual image I thought I'd ask one of my own: At the same time? And what are you wearing? Is this an extra set we're talking about or does he wear the bottom while you wear the top? I need more information before passing judgment on this one.

2. I have cannibal goldfish

This too being a statement rather than a question I'm a little fuzzy on what you'd like to learn but all I can say is: My condolences, at least you don't have to worry about feeding them.

3. Can my hooves help me travel over snow and ice?

And am I speaking with Prancer or Vixen? I recommend the studded hooves over the all-weather models. Though you have to change them over every winter the added safety really pays off in the end.

4. Why am I married to an attorney?

Because he put up the most convincing case.

5. Can I eat kimchi while I'm pregnant?

While I was pregnant with Grace we had some Korean neighbors below us who frequently fixed kimchi and I'm here to testify that no pregnant woman should ever smell kimchi let alone consume it. Definitely.

6. My husband spanked my bottom red.

No response. Nothing at all to say to that one, I'm still mulling it over.

7. Can I get a tumor in my head from a cell phone?

Couldn't say but I'm pretty confident in advising that you can't get one out with a cell phone.

8. How much does Toby McGuire make?

More than I do but he's having a lot less fun. He never gets questions about pregnant cannibal goldfish swimming over ice and snow with cell phone-induced head tumors.

9. What does the lochness monster eat?

Krill. It's all about the krill. But I hear he'll take a Scotsman when he can get them.

That's all the questions I have time for today folks, but thanks for playing. And look at the good side, I've just doubled the probability that someone Googling the phrase "Can my hooves help me travel over snow and ice?" will make it to this site.

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37 comments:

Mary Alice said...

Ohhhh - googled words, now that sounds interesting. You must take pity on a new blogger and allow her to learn things how to do such things at your all knowing knee.

And may I just compliment you on your magnificent answers. How very kind of you to attempt helping people with these soul-wrenching questions. My husband wears pajamas, hummm, clearly disturbed.

Jenn in Holland said...

Too too funny. Once again scribbit, you can make even the most disturbing things humourous. Seriously? "My husband spanked my bottom red"? Needs some long time mulling. That's more than a little weird.

I was actually looking at my google searches just this morning, but none are as hilarious search and finds as yours. Still, I think I am inspired to write a post of my own of all things people are asking about living in Holland.

Kudos to Andrew for making the best case. He wins!

Amy W said...

I love looking at the stats and seeing these, makes for a good laugh...

so grateful to be Mormon! said...

scribbit: hello. you silly girl! happy friday, kathleen :)

G's Cottage said...

Hilarious. I guess I knew I needed to quit stalling and finish signing up for Analytics. But really, doesn't the hooves thing sound like a fourth grader doing a science report? Just a thought.

Ally Bean said...

Love your answer to #4. Will use that one in my own life.

But about #9, I'd always heard that the Loch Ness monster likes haggis. Hence, his preference for a Scotsman when he can get them. ;-)

Julie Pippert said...

LOL very funny!

Oh my some of the google searches that lead people to my blog...yeah funny...and scary.

Lisa Milton said...

What an odd world we live in...Hopefully the ABC producers were not the ones posing the 'spanking' questions - it could explain a lot and double the reasons to avoid the swapping of spouses.

Kelly said...

Wow. Now those are some questions. And they're complete thoughts too, which both fascinates and horrifies me.

I love Google. My computer illiterate Mom thinks it's weird that I run to the Google gods every time I want to know something. But you know what? I usually get my answer.

And for the record, my questions have never involved hooves or red bottoms.

Islandsparrow said...

hilarious!

I especially love #4.

Gina said...

Funny ;)) Delicious picture of # 1 in my head ! This sounds like fun, I've got to try it. See if the search will find its way to my humble blog!

Damselfly said...

You *are* the fountain of knowledge! Dear Scribbit, please help me....

chelle said...

People never cease to amaze me :)

Patois said...

Darn, I missed your posts about feeding the Loch Ness monster your pajama-clad cannibal goldfish. Or maybe it was all one post? Very funny how people find stumble across. For her sake, I hope the red-bottomed woman is reading you still today.

minerva said...

That was hilarious!! :)

Ni Yachen said...

In response to #9 my kids would shout "KRILL CHEESE SANDWICHES!," which is the response to the current family joke.

Sweat/Salty blogger learned you never use the words hot, man, or galoshes when posting a picture of your husband berry picking. It brings out the wierdest google searches.

TeaMouse said...

I have to say you have some pretty intersting googled words come up!

I wonder what would direct 'my husband spanked my bum red' to your site...lol! It doesn't seem like that kind of place.

I have to go and check my google words out now and see if I have any good ones.

TeaMouse said...

Now I am going to sound really dumb, but I thought you got this info from Sitemeter. How do you check your google words?

Lei said...

I rarely get funny ones. It appears that most of my hits come from disgruntled pregnant women. Lol.

sugarsandsalts said...

Nice to know your man wears your pajamas.Nice blog.

Yusuf Abdulla Shunan said...

you are stalking your own website?

nice post!

Susan said...

Absolutely genius, Michelle. My husband did that once, and we were hysterical with laughter at some of the phrases people entered. We like yours even better.

CoachJ said...

Although I have NO IDEA what Google Analytics are, but this was absolutely hilarious, and so are the comments. Maybe you can clue me in....?

my4kids said...

6. My husband spanked my bottom red.
Oh my I saw that and laughed!

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Oh, I sometimes save the things people search for and find my blog- strange strange people out there!

Steph

Megan said...

This post made me laugh. A lot. Thank you. :)

Anonymous said...

I had a pet site a while back (I quit due to getting upset at really stupid questions), but you should have seen some of the nasty stuff people where looking up when they found that site!!! EWWW

Thanks for the giggle!

Terra said...

Darn it I am not Anonymous!!! Awww, well thanks for the giggle anyway!!!

jen said...

oh that is hilarious. kc over at Where's My Cape does a monthly or so roundup of her googleness...it is hilarious.

and so was yours. the commentary is priceless.

Stephanie said...

Well I've had some interesting hits, but never quite that interesting! Too funny!

K T Cat said...

Great tip! I just installed it on my blog.

Leslie said...

Hilarious! I love looking at my search info. Lately, "nobody likes me" is the winner. I'm the destination for the lonely and depressed. Right on!

Mama Luxe said...

You are brave...I'm always afraid to post these in case it lifts me even higher in these sorts of searches. I haven't had any really strange ones on my new blogs, but I had a ton on my older one...probably because I had "wife" in the title. I'll let your imaginations consider what sort of searches I was getting.

Scribbit said...

I'm glad you liked the "questions" please forgive me if you notice your comment was deleted. Though I joke about the search engine questions I am pretty careful of the words I use so that I don't get certain types of visitors. So if you had a innocent comment that used a word that might have been picked up in a bad way I deleted it. Loved it but deleted it just for safety's sake. Hope you understand. :)

And as for Google Analytics, you can sign up for it here:
http://www.google.com/analytics/

It has all sorts of tools for tracking.

Once there and running you look under Marketing Optimization, Key words, overall key word analysis.

Amy said...

Hee, hee, hee! You are a brave woman to answer some of those questions. I get a lot of those about spanking and nursing...most unpleasant :) This cracked me up!

Scribbit said...

Okay--Island Sparow, if you're reading this I want to know more about you. You don't have an email so I can respond to your comments, I've Googled you to see if you have a blog or site I'm missing, but nothing.

You've said you're from P.E. Island and as a huge, sappy A of GG fan I'm sure you know how I love that place and would die to visit.

I will often wonder and have interest in any visitors I get but usually they have blogs that will tell me more about them. You don't and I'm curious! :)

elena jane said...

rofl, i love it, too funny!!! :D