Cleverest Song Lyrics

There are plenty of catchy tunes out there--lots of great songwriters and I'll probably tackle a list of my favorites there in the future but today I'm giving a nod to the songs whose lyrics are just too fun not to sing along with.

I've combed through my play lists for my favorites but feel free to add any of your own tongue-twisters--all I ask is that you quote them correctly. Easier said than done, right?

1. I Am the Walrus by John Lennon and Paul McCartney 1967 (d'uh). Actually it wasn't written by both Beatles, it was written by Lennon but credit was given to Paul for some reason.

Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog's eye.
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess,
Boy, you been a naughty girl and you let your Knickers down.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, I am the walrus,
goo goo g'joob . . .

Expert texpert choking smokers,
Don't you think the joker laughs at you?
See how they smile like pigs in a sty, see how they snide.
I'm crying.

Semolina Pilchard, climbing up the Eiffel Tower.
Elementary penguin singing Hare Krishna.
Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allan Poe.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, I am the walrus,
goo goo g'joob

And plenty more terrific lines. Actually, I could fill this whole list with Beatles songs--how about this beauty from Maxwell's Silver Hammer? "Joan was quizzical, studied metaphysical, science in the home . . . Maxwell Edison, majoring in medicine, calls her on the phone . . ." but I had a hard time including a song where the main character goes on a killing spree with his hammer. This IS a family-friendly blog you know.

2. Istanbul (Not Constantinople) by Jimmy Kennedy 1953. I like the remake that They Might Be Giants did of this tune but whoever is singing the lyrics are hypnotic:

Istanbul was Constantinople
Now it's Instanbul, not Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople,
Now it's Turkish delight on a moonlit night.

Tell me you're not singing along.

3. Southern Cross by Crosby, Stills and Nash 1982.

Got out of town on a boat goin' to Southern islands. Sailing a reach before a followin' sea.
She was makin' for the trades on the outside, and the downhill run to Papeete.
Off the wind on this heading lie the Marquesas. We got eighty feet of the waterline. Nicely making way. In a noisy bar in Avalon I tried to call you.
But on a midnight watch I realized why twice you ran away

I LOVE this song. I think it's because it's about sailing and the ocean--I would have included Billy Joel's Downeaster Alexa and Sting's Why Should I Cry? in the list but this isn't a list about ocean songs now is it? Ah, someday I'm going to build a sailboat and sail around the world. Twice.

4. Rapture by Blondie 1981. I'm really including this as a tribute to Grace, my teen daughter who's recently discovered 80s classics. I had to laugh though, I caught her singing along with it:

And out comes a man from Mars
And you try to run but he's got a gun
And he shoots you dead and he eats your head
And then you're in the man from Mars
You go out at night, eatin' cars
You eat Cadillacs, Lincolns too
Mercuries and Subarus . . .

But instead of saying "Subarus" she said "Chevroloos." As in "Chevrolets" only "ChevroLOOS." After I stopped laughing I asked her what Chevroloos were and she sheepishly said she didn't know but that it somehow rhymed. Ha! I guess Chevroloo isn't any weirder than Subaru if you think about it.

5. The Codfish Ball by who-knows-who. You'll laugh at me over this but the only reason I'm including it is because it was part of a Shirley Temple movie I watched when I was young and Shirley does this cute little dance to the tune and the words are just as adorable as she is. The kind that stick with even 30 years later apparently. Hey, I'm just delivering some variety, okay?

Lobsters dancing in a row shuffle off to buffalo
Jelly fish sway to and fro at the Codfish ball
Finn-an-haddie leads the eel through an Irish reel
The Catfish is a dancing man but he can't can-can like a sardine can

6. Girlfriend in a Coma by The Smiths, 1987. The only way to balance the sugary-sweetness of Shirley is to follow it up with the eye-gouging acidity of The Smiths. It was a toss up as to which song of theirs I would include--they have so many light-hearted little ditties--There Is a Light is another of their lovely songs that I find myself singing periodically.

Girlfriend in a coma, I know I know - its serious
Girlfriend in a coma, I know I know - its really serious

OR:

And if a double-decker bus crashes into us
To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten-ton truck kills the both of us
To die by your side well, the pleasure - the privilege is mine

Yes, either little tune is a beauty and better than Prozac for what ails you.

7. Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon, 1975. Or, as they joked on the Muppet Show, perhaps it is Fifty Ways to Love Your Leaver? Whichever way you sing it the words are classic, I love the unique drum beat and the catchy words:

She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself, at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

It's one of the songs Mom used to sing around the house every once in a while--she has quite a repertoire you know. Yea, we're an odd family.

8. Big Rock Candy Mountain by Harry McClintock 1928. A hobo ballad that sings of the longing for utopia as only a hobo could create it:

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains you never change your socks
And the little streams of alcohol come a-trickling down the rocks
The brakemen have to tip their hats and the railroad bulls are blind
There's a lake of stew and of whiskey too
You can paddle all around 'em in a big canoe
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains the jails are made of tin
And you can walk right out again as soon as you are in
There ain't no short handled shovels, no axes saws or picks
I'm a goin to stay where you sleep all day
Where they hung the jerk that invented work
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

Because we need more songs about free-flowing alcohol, laziness and poor personal hygiene. Well, after songs about girlfriends in comas who am I to criticize?

9. Anything from The Music Man, 1962. Meredith Wilson's musical has the funniest dialog ever in a musical--and though that's not saying much it's still a crack-up. My favorite line? When Mrs. Shin is ranting about smutty literature and--speaking of Omar Khayyam says, "Omar Khy-yi-yi-yi-I am appalled!" Cracks me up every time.

Anyway, the songs have the cleverest lyrics--Rock Island, Trouble, The Sadder but Wiser Girl, Pick a Little Talk a Little, Gary, Indiana, and of course Marion the Librarian all roll like taffy on the tongue.

Gary, Indiana, Gary Indiana, Gary, Indiana,
Let me say it once again.
Gary, Indiana, Gary, Indiana, Gary, Indiana,
That's the town that "knew me when."
If you'd like to have a logical explanation
How I happened on this elegant syncopation,
I will say without a moment of hesitation
There is just one place that can light my face.
Gary, Indiana, Gary Indiana,
Not Louisiana, Paris, France, New York, or Rome, but--
Gary, Indiana,Gary, Indiana, Gary Indiana, my home sweet home.

10. It's the End of the World As We Know It by R.E.M. 1987. I would quote it for you but I couldn't begin to get the words right and would just embarrass myself. If you can sing along I'd be very impressed. VERY impressed. Go ahead, I'll join in on the chorus . . .

11. Rocky Raccoon by John Lennon and Paul McCartney 1968. Written mostly by Paul and released on the White Album this is one of the funniest songs ever--we sing it around here quite a bit because it fits so well with Lillian's name:

Rocky Raccoon checked into his room
Only to find Gideon's bible
Rocky had come equipped with a gun
To shoot off the legs of his rival
His rival it seems had broken his dreams
By stealing the girl of his fancy.
Her name was Magil and she called herself Lil
But everyone knew her as Nancy.

Because if you can't laugh about blood-letting love triangles and drunk doctors what can you laugh at I ask?

12. One Week by Barenaked Ladies . Yes, it's been done to death in the commercials but the lyrics are just as snappy as they come and once you've got it down those words are in the brain for-ev-er.

Chickity china the chinese chicken you have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin
Watchin x-files with no lights on, we're dans la maison I hope the smoking man's in this one
Like Harrison Ford I'm getting Frantic like Sting I'm tantric
Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy like Kurasawa I make mad films
Okay I dont make films but if I did they'd have a samurai
Gonna get a set of better clubs gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
Just so my irons aren't always flying off the back-swing . . .

Who says Shakespeare's cornered the market on creativity with the language? If this ain't poetry then I don't know what is. Well, maybe not quite poetry but darn fun to say.

13. We Didn't Start the Fire by Billy Joel, 1989. Where else are you going to get a history lesson AND musical entertainment for the price of one? Wikipedia goes through each reference in the song and explains them--in case you were too young to remember that Russia was once Communist. Actually, that's funny because the other day my kids were asking what the U.S.S.R. was (I believe they were watching Rocky IV) and it took a minute to register in my brain that they didn't know about the Iron Curtain or Cold War. I had to stop and explain it all to them and I marveled in the moment while they shrugged their shoulders and went back to cheering for Rocky. My nostalgia didn't interest them apparently.

Joseph Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser and Prokofiev
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc
Roy Cohn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, Dancron
Dien Bien Phu Falls, Rock Around the Clock
Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn's got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland
Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Khrushchev
Princess Grace, Peyton Place, Trouble in the Suez

Honorable mentions: Mediate by INXS and Comin' into Los Angeles by Steppenwolf. Though I tend to make sure I'm alone when I'm singing this one ("Comin' into Los Angel-eez, bringing in a couple of keys . . . don't touch my bags if you please, Mr. Customs man . . .").

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