Do I Watch Too Many Movies?

I'm asking that rhetorically you know. Because I kind of suspect I do watch too many movies--but what can I say? It's a weakness of mine. I don't watch television (I'm sorry but I'm firmly in the "television is a vast wasteland" camp) but I do love me a good movie now and then. And then again.

I posted a few of our recent rentals a few months ago and since then I've seen a few more. Here are my reviews. It's a window to my soul.

1. 21
Kevin Spacey tends to play the same character over and over again and he's back for a repeat here in this "true story" adaptation of the MIT students who took on the Blackjack tables of Las Vegas in the 90s.

Ben Campbell plays the lead and I'm not sure what it is but he's got a screen appeal that makes his character interesting. Kate Bosworth isn't bad either though they both kind of have a hard time playing "genius" if you know what I mean. Most master brains I know aren't nearly so attractive and athletic and charming and all that but then this is the movies, right?

The whole trick was to count cards and early on the movie explains the technique and almost as quickly as I wondered "How on earth did all those casinos agree to allow them to explain this?" I realized "Aha! It's because the movie makes it look easy and those casinos are hoping all the suckers watching are cocky enough to think they can do what genius-kids at MIT did." I can only imagine the jump in revenues they got from it all because I can assure you, even after several detailed explanations I still did not get it.

Andrew and I both gave it two thumbs up. Though I warn you, there's a skanky scene in a Vegas club (you can kind of see it coming) that gives it the PG-13 rating. Very skanky. Look away! Look away! But I'd give it a solid B. Maybe B+ if you could eliminate the skank factor.

2. Traitor
Another drama and another two thumbs up from the husband and me possibly because Don Cheadle too is fun to watch. He's not exactly a Jason Bourne or James Bond and this isn't exactly a typical spy flick but he plays a character with a little more depth that you can't really decide to cheer for or not.

The movie is rather a standard political thriller except with the age-old "illusion v. reality" conundrum playing excellently throughout. Who is the "good" guy and who is the bad? Are you supposed to like Cheadle's character or hope he gets taken out?

Maybe I'm a little touched in the head but I really had no idea how things would go until the final wrap up but it did keep us going for about 3/4 of the movie. Clean, but with the obligatory massive gunfire that shatters pretty much every piece of glass on the eastern seaboard. My grade? Another B. Definitely worth a rental.

3. Enchanted
I'm betting most of you have already seen this one but it was new to me when the kids picked it up at the local Blockbuster (and no, the chain didn't pay me to say that).

Seems this one was rather popular when it came out but somehow I missed it in the theaters--I think one of my sisters might have obliged me by taking Grace to see it--and I was curious to see it as my very first Patrick Dempsey movie. Yes, my very first time folks.

Did I like it? Weeeellll . . . it was fine I guess. The premise was cute. Prince Charming was cleverly done and I kind of liked having it be a musical--the world needs more musicals in my opinion--and the little girl? Completely the cutest kid I've ever seen (after my own of course).

There were a few fun chuckles though Grace rolled her eyes at me as I analyzed the film while the credits ran at the end.

Gripe #1: They expect me to believe that a cartoon fairy princess and a guy who swears he doesn't believe in romance make a match of it? They were so unsuited it was ridiculous. No. Way. A much better match is Susan Sarandon as Medusa. But then I suppose if I can suspend my disbelief enough to allow a cartoon metro hole between New York City and Disneyland then I guess I can grudgingly believe that a dingy but sweet redhead in a falsetto voice can win the heart of Captain Von Studdly.

Gripe #2. I know I'm going to sound Scroogish here but the whole idea that every girl has her one and only Prince Charming out there and her job in life is to find that ONE SOUL who will light her fire with his kiss is so whacked that it's rather hard to ignore. In a cartoon it's fine--it's just a fairy tale--but when they put it in modern context it makes me shake my head. Sorry folks, I don't believe in soul mates and a lot of unhappy females out there are wandering around, wondering if the guy in the cubicle next to them is "The One" instead of realizing that while some personalities are better suited as a match any two people of good character can have a happy life together.

It's more about character than it is kismet. Instead of sitting around, worrying when they're going to meet their own and only Prince Charming and if he's romancing them enough if more women spent that same energy developing the kind of character that attracts the right kind of man they'd be a lot happier. Life is about so many things and only a tiny part of it is romance.

Enough ranting. You know I'm only half serious here? I mean I'm kind of serious but I don't make it my life's mission to educate on the issue. Agree or not--I don't particularly care. But I'd give this a B-. A "B" for the music and laughs, a minus for the Disney-fied, uber-choreographed, dangerous unreality that leaves a lot of women feeling unfulfilled.

4. Mystery Date
Did you ever see this 90s movie? Grace rented it a bit ago and I'd forgot how funny it is. No really. FUNNY. It's Ethan Hawke (pre-Uma) and Teri Polo in a comedy of errors that has some very quotable lines.

The first time I saw it (in the theater all those years ago) there was a line that joked about Ben and Jerry's ice cream and being that Ben and Jerry's had not yet reached Utah (where the theater was located) my room mate and I were the only ones who got the joke and got the pleasure of laughing our heads off while the rest of the theater went "Whuh?"

Anyway . . . cute movie. I'm handing out my first A- for this one. Go see it for the Asian guy who looks like Rocky Balboa and for Dwight.

5. The Last King of Scotland
Disclaimer here: I didn't see this on video, it was on television and I caught it in it's edited form and I'm guessing that it warrants its R rating as it was a rather violent movie.

However, I thought it was great. I completely understand how Forrest Whitaker would walk away with the Oscar from this one and James McAvoy does just as good a job in his supporting role.

I'll say here that I'm particularly partial to the historical genre and this film did not disappoint. It is the story of Idi Amin, the dictator of Uganda, who ruled in the 70s and recently died in exile in 2008 somewhere in the middle east (if memory serves). It's kind of like Titanic, where it takes a true story and weaves a fictional character (McAvoy) into the mix so we can be guided through the historically correct details while being held at attention by a personal view of humanity within the framework of the larger story.

McAvoy plays Amin's doctor who becomes wrapped up in the insanity of the times, sucked farther and farther into the horror of Amin's regime as his absolute power c0rrupts him absolutely.

What struck me at the end was the comparison to current megalomaniacs grabbing headlines--you have Kim Jong Il causing no end of problems to our east and dear little Hugo Chavez wreaking havoc down south and it makes me wonder how Obama could justify his visit in Venezuala? After seeing the life of one cruel dictator up close it makes the world's current atrocities seem even more horrifying. I have to shake my head at whatever it was that made our president think that extending a hand of friendship to such an one was an honorable thing to do.

An A movie. Though as I said, the R version would be violent.

6. Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
Oh where to start?? You know that ad where the voiceover says with authority: "The year's best comedy!" or something along those lines? Don't you believe it.

I'll repeat: DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT!

Yes, I'll admit the previews were funny. I chuckled and smiled and thought "My what an endearing chubby man! What a fun, laugh-filled escapade!"

Or at least something along those lines but when I was actually in the theater, committed and in my seat? The diagnosis wasn't so cheerful. I'm afraid there are only so many jokes one can make about fat men and mall security guards before life gets sad. Any laughs you might have anticipated were all handed out prematurely in the previews so the best grade I can offer this one is a D. I'll spare it a D- because I did find the previews entertaining, if only for a minute.

7. Penelope.
Have you seen this? Have you seen this? Oh if you haven't you've got to put it on your list of movies to see because it's a gem.

You might think that I'm just a James McAvoy fan but really it must just be that the man has a knack for picking stellar roles because this is one sweet movie.

Christina Ricci plays the teen daughter of an aristocratic family plagued by an ancient curse which wends its way through the family tree until Penelope has the misfortune to be born with a pig's nose. Of course the only way to break the curse is to . . . blah blah blah. You get the idea.

You've got Catherine O'Hare and Reese Witherspoon as talented supporting actresses (Witherspoon produced the movie) and you know all that griping about Enchanted being so far-fetched and dangerously unrealistic? Well Penelope is a similar story but instead has some tender little messages woven into the plot that fit perfectly into real life and it's not quite what you'd call predictable. Not entirely. It's as if this is what a good fairy tale should be.

Anyway, if you're looking for a squeaky-clean fairy tale of modern beauty with great set design then this is your flick. An A most certainly.

8. Funny Girl
Are you a Streisand fan? I'll admit to a reserved and hesitant "yes" myself. One of my favorite movies is her classic comedy What's up Doc? Her beautiful drama The Mirror Has Two Faces shows off her talents perfectly and her voice is one of the wonders of the world but I wouldn't consider paying more than about $10 for a ticket to one of her concerts.

But Funny Girl is a must-see 1968 classic. The story of real-life vaudeville star Fanny Brice, it stars Streisand as the woman who breaks into New York theater with her voice and comedic talents rather than her beauty. Really the perfect role for Streisand--but it's not exactly an all-around upbeat story. Omar Sharif is her man and while the music is great (you'll recognize some of the songs if you had a mother like mine who tutored me in all the great musicals) it's really about her life as it collides with fame and love. Bittersweet though that doesn't mean I won't give it an A-.

9. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
You'll laugh that I hadn't seen this already but I carefully avoided it after wanting to gouge my eyes out with the remote control while watching its predecessors.

Chow Yun Fat what have you done???

So why did I give in if I was so sure I was going to hate it? All for the love of a boy. My son wanted to see it so very badly that I finally gave in and told him I'd let him see it if I could at least be allowed to have my laptop open and do other things while still being present to edit out some of the more graphically grotesque parts.

Bad? Words cannot describe. Even the the joys of Johnny Depp weren't enough to cover the glaring deficiencies of plot (was there one?) and character (I swear I'm so sick of Keira Knightley I'm ready to feed her scrawny body to the Kracken myself). And LONG! It was soooo loooong!

It's as if the screen writers were being paid by the minute or something because it's nearly three hours of absolute torture, like a root canal without anesthetic. And is anyone else confused as to why I'm supposed to be rooting for the pirates here? I mean I'll give it to you that Depp makes a rather fetching buccaneer but the whole swaggering-slurring-Keith-Richards-schick was kind of done to death in the previous 5 hours of pirate pandering and I was really hoping to see an early end with all ships going down.

If you gave me the choice right here, right now of being forced to watch the movie again or walking the plank? You wouldn't even be able to get through the whole sentence before I'd be running for the water. Not even a D. Less than a D--dare I say F? Okay F. If it saves anyone the pain I endured my work will not be in vain.

Knightly is so much more manly than Orlando Bloom (who is only appealing as an elf) I'm not sure how the pair have survived thus far as an on-screen couple. The best part of the movie here? And pardon me if this gives out any spoilers. Ha! Spoilers! As if anything could spoil this movie more than Mr. Verbinski himself has already done . . . anyway, best part is when Will Turner returns to Elizabeth at the very end of the movie. She's on the cliff, awaiting his return, the warm glow of the fake CGI sunset all around her as Will's ship glides into the harbor and Grace said in her best Mystery Science Theater 3000 voice imitating Will Turner: "Man! I hope she's made hamburgers for dinner!"

10. Cranford
If you like period movies then I think you'll like this one. A BBC production based on the novel by Elizabeth Gaskell it's set in the small town of Cranford where characters weave their way in and out through the concurrent plot lines for three or four discs.

It's a very long movie--six or eight hours maybe? I forget--and has some big names in British acting. You see here Judi Dench who does a capital job and Imelda Staunton (think Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter) and there's Michael Gambon and another fifty or so assorted characters that flit in and out of the story like a Chex party mix.

Jane Austen always has a clash of society at the heart of her romances, Dickens some social injustice he wants to remedy. This story, however, is merely about the town and the people who live there. There aren't any great machinations of plot, there isn't some driving device moving the story forward. You have little romances here or there, issues of public interest in the town or stories of fortunes lost and won but none of the microplots has any great time share in the overall event. It's like little vignettes. Charming and enjoyable but don't look for any great underlying message, theme or story. The only thing unifying things is the town itself. Which is why . . . er . . . I guess it's called Cranford. D'uh.

A B+. Great for the costumes, accents and basic entertainment. Not nearly as good as BBC's Bleak House.

11. The Sasquatch Gang
This movie was recommended to me by one of my brothers who said (and I quote) "It's not as funny as Napoleon Dynamite but it has better character development and plot."

Now you may already know that Napoleon Dynamite is one of the funniest movies ever made so I thought that even if it's not quite as funny as N.D. I'd still love it.

Not so my friends, not so.

Yes, it's made by the people who did the great Napoleon, though I believe it was the producers maybe and not the writers. (Maybe?) There's a Skousen listed in the credits whose got to be of the Utah branch of Skousens and somehow connected in there but the big problem here is that they tried so desperately to recreate the magic that was Napoleon and you just can't go home again.

There will be no other Napoleon so stop trying. It's as if the actors here had watched the first movie too many times and were just trying the same tricks again. You see that guy in the shorts? He's just Kip repackaged, he even does a similar thing with his voice. There's also the nerdy girl sidekick and the annoyingly loud and non-funny, teen, not-so-arch villain. They brought Justin Long on board to see if he could make it as a redneck and I'll grant you that there is one very funny moment in the whole movie that made us laugh pretty hard but only one.

You've even got "Uncle Ricco" back for a less-funny encore and the kid who plays the main character tries to deliver his deadpan lines the way Heder did but he doesn't get "nerd" the way Heder did. Maybe it would have been funnier had I not already been to the summit and seen what a film could be but it's so close to the original that you must compare and it comes up lacking.

A C-. And I'm kind because of the lizard scene. It just goes to prove my long-held belief that it's much harder to produce good comedy than it is to produce good drama or suspense.

12. Eagle Eye
Okay you see this stolen-from-the-web picture to the left here? See it? Well if you do then you've pretty much seen the movie.

There, I've saved you one hour and forty minutes of gut-wrenching grief.

But now you'll probably force me to explain why I hated this movie.

First, I must disclose that I saw it because I'm living with a 15 year-old Shia LeBeouf fan. Yup, he's right next to David Archuleta in her little superstar pantheon (did I mention that Archuleta is coming to the state fair in August? We've heard nothing else). Anyway, while I did like LeBeouf in Holes (a fabulous movie) I just can't believe that he's now old enough to have facial hair let alone hold up as a leading man. He still looks like he's fourteen or fifteen for goodness sake. And look at him next to Michelle Monaghan--she's practically old enough to be his mother! No, seriously. I looked it up. She's ten years older than he and it completely weirds me to see them romantically connected. Nearly as weird as the Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas thing.

Anyway, it's a stupid, stupid plot driven by over-the-top action sequences and writers with a political agenda who want to tell us how our freedoms are slipping away. It reminded me of Cellular--another bomb that nearly killed me. I can accept babies being born with pig noses, I can accept cartoon princesses being sucked through manholes but don't try to tell me that cell phone service is that reliable. I won't believe it.

Another F. F for "Flee for your Lives!"

13. That Thing You Do
I'll end on a positive note here and say that this movie is, without a doubt, my favorite thing Tom Hanks has ever done. He's a talented actor with an amazing career but this movie is pretty much perfect. Grace rented it a few weeks ago and it was a pleasant repeat performance.

Is it the greatest movie ever made? No, not really, but what I mean by perfection is it does everything a movie should do. It's original. It makes you laugh. You're involved with the characters and you live along with them all while forgetting that the story is taking place 30 years previous.

It's been out so long it was Liv Tyler's big break and Charlize Theron's first screen appearance (which gives you an idea how long we're talking). But was such a hit that it also gave Steve Zahn and Tom Everett Scott a fighting chance in Hollywood.

It's the fictional story (that leaves you wondering at the end if it really is fictional or not, despite your better judgment) of the Wonders, a 60s band formed by four small-town guys who accidentally strike it big and make it all the way to the top. Written and directed by Hanks (who plays their manager) it is the inspiration for the name of Hank's own production company, Playtone.

Anyway, the song the movie is built around is infectious and considering that you hear the Wonders smash single over and over again throughout the film you'd expect nothing less. If you haven't seen this you've been missing out--it's an A+ for sure.

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