How to Make a Catapult (and Your Mom Irritated)

You see here David's masterpiece--his authentic, fully-working and operational catapult made from eight popsicle sticks, one straw, a plastic spoon, two rubber bands, two screws, some bits of eraser, a block of wood and some wood glue.

Does it work? You betcha! Just pull back that spoon, load it up and let her go . . .

It can fling a piece of mortar or army guys at least 30 feet and apparently I'm the target of choice around here. I've had plastic pumpkins and Legos pinging my back for about a week now. The fun never ends.

He made it in Webelos in about an hour and if you'd like to see more pictures that will give you a better idea of how it was put together you can see the series on my Flickr page.

And by the way, for those who missed it yesterday you can still get your bets in for when it's going to snow here in Anchorage. Plenty of dates left . . . oh and after many requests and pleadings this is the official announcement that I WILL be bringing back the Write-Away Contest so stop by on Friday to see the topic for October along with the guest judge and beautiful gift you'll be writing to win.

And of course you're welcome to stop by tomorrow too. Nothing preventing that, I'd love to see you.

Sponsored by Pak Naks--decorate your stuff!

Get Your Bets in for the First Snow of the Season

I hate to bring up such a painful subject but it's that time of year. You see here the picture of the mountains near our home and that stuff on the top is what we call Termination Dust, as in the termination of summer.

We've had a bunch of rain this past week and when it was over the mountains were powdered white and the stuff is inching its way down toward us.

So just as I did last year I'm offering a bit of a game. When do you think we'll get the first official Anchorage snowfall? I think last year it was around the middle of October though some years it goes well into November or even December, you just never know. It's been so warm this year we might be very lucky.

If you come closest to the actual date you'll win a fabulous Alaskan prize. Maybe it will be an authentic bear cub or moose calf--possibly the twins you see eating my crab apple tree here below, maybe a firmly-packed snowball, but it'll be something that shows I care. Here are the rules:

1. Pick a date, any date, from September 30th on.

2. Leave me a comment with your day, making sure I have a way to reach you should you win. This could be an email address left in the comment itself or the link to your own blog in your profile, however you want to do it.

3. I will update this post with a list of the days taken with the names of participants as they come in. If you have a blog I'll link to it. That way you can see which dates are popular and which are available.

4. You can pick any one date, with up to three people on one day. Once three people have picked a day that day will be closed. If your date gets filled up I'll just move you to the next available day following.

5. When it does officially snow with a measurable amount of white stuff in our own front yard (that's my measuring stick) I'll give a shout out to everyone who picked the winning day along with the wildlife I mean prize the winners will receive.

Here's the list, fill it up!

Oct 1 Book Journey *CLOSED*
Oct 2 Fortyb4forty, My Inkstand, ArtisticInkspirations *CLOSED*
Oct 3 Homestead Lutheran Academy, Around the Island, Adventures of Howler and Toad *CLOSED*
Oct 4 Heart 2 Heart, Crazyland, I'm a Drama Mama *CLOSED*
Oct 5 Michelle's Family Life, Swellflamingo, An Ordinary Mom *CLOSED*
Oct 6 Mommy, I'm Home!, Seek a Balanced Life, Maricucu *CLOSED*
Oct 7 Reason Enough . . ., The Scrapbook Lady, Allie in Tok *CLOSED*
Oct 8 Erica, Fawn, Bobbie in AK *CLOSED*
Oct 9 What Were We Thinking, We Ride West, Grace *CLOSED*
Oct 10 Planet Nomad, Chocolate on My Cranium, It's Just Me . . . Roo *CLOSED*
Oct 11 Life off the Shelf, 3 Sides of Crazy, Willis' Family *CLOSED*
Oct 12 Patty w, Sheila, The Mommy Machine *CLOSED*
Oct 13 In the Mom Zone, My Neurotic Spot, Anonymous *CLOSED*
Oct 14 Anonymous, A Maui Blog, Susan *CLOSED*
Oct 15 Flip Flop Mama, Kaffee Klatsch, My Cabbage of True Love *CLOSED*
Oct 16 Mary A, ChristyNelson.net Amy *CLOSED*
Oct 17 Family Musings, Mrs. Ohtobe, What's Kookin' *CLOSED*
Oct 18 Owlfan, Born Librarian, Hannah M *CLOSED*
Oct 19 The Second Half of My Life, Diane, The Land of Ren *CLOSED*
Oct 20 Farm Home Life, Simba's Antics, Pat *CLOSED*
Oct 21 Life As Gesamtkunstwerk, Tracy B, Toney Babies *CLOSED*
Oct 22 What Mimi Read, Mother Earth Mender, The Dunns *CLOSED*
Oct 23 Wise Herb's Random Jottings, Illahee's Blog Hendersaurus *CLOSED*
Oct 24 Carolyn, September, Sondra *CLOSED*
Oct 25 Babysteps, No Ordinary Moments, Jackie Blue *CLOSED*
Oct 26 Sunflowers in My Kitchen, Anonymous, Finally Finding Me . . . I Think *CLOSED*
Oct 27 Warm and Fuzzy Thoughts, Susan, Midlife Motherhood *CLOSED*
Oct 28 Fruitful Words, The Ellis Family, Experience Imagination *CLOSED*
Oct 29 Tammy's Times, Not a Significant Source . . . , Biggy-Ziggy *CLOSED*
Oct 30 Nicky, Life with Boys, Katwint *CLOSED*
Oct 31 Kellen, Cool Zebras, branda50 *CLOSED*
Nov 1 4everMom, Sam, Alaskans in Exile *CLOSED*
Nov 2 The Scholastic Scribe, The Howard Family, Oceanmoon *CLOSED*
Nov 3 Mrs. Team S, One, Two, Twenty-Seven - August 2009, *CLOSED*
Nov 4 Four Part Harmony, Tales from Oakbriar Farm, My Maine Baby *CLOSED*
Nov 5 My Creative Life, Karin, Linda *CLOSED*
Nov 6 In the Land of the Nelson Women, Grrace, the flyingacc *CLOSED*
Nov 7 Robin in New Jersey, Lisa Luckey
Nov 8 Cindy
Nov 10 Stephanie Jordan
Nov 11 Crazy Angel, No Place Like It
Nov 12 A Blessed Crazy Life

If you want dates past this just leave it in the comments and I'll add it.

***

As for other winners . . . congratulations to Vickie of Tishomingo, Oklahoma for winning the Artistry Skin Care Products Giveaway from this weekend. She's won a very nice microdermabrasion system that she's going to love.

Sponsored by Beau-Coup for unique baby shower favors.

Alaska . . . Definitely No Teddy Bear Picnic

This weekend we were going through the evening routine--dinner, showers, putting away laundry--and Spencer happened to pass me in the hall and say, "Oh, I was going to go to down to the school with Joe but he says there's a bear along the bike trail there so we're going to hang out here."

Excuse me?

Living in Alaska you get used to sharing your space with wildlife--mosquitoes drinking your fluids, moose eating your lilacs--but I have a line and the bears have officially crossed it.

It's one thing to have voles or shrews munching your shrubbery and it's completely another thing to have bears munching your children. Unfortunately the bear situation here is getting worse and worse, last summer there were so many bear attacks here in the city that I was ready to swear they were organizing against us. With their shifty bear eyes and their sneaky bear ways. . . .

One attack involved a woman riding her bike along a trail in town. She was in a race (i.e. going fast) and was grabbed off her bike by a bear and taste-tested just like he was going through a drive-in window or something. Meals on wheels. He roughed her up a bit which of course put her in the hospital but the newspaper reported she made it through without life-threatening injuries. As if that makes everything okay or something.

We've always had animals and it's so common to see porcupine, dall sheep, beluga whales or eagles here and there that you can tell who the tourists are because they're the ones stopping to take pictures when one of our four-footed friends makes an appearance but with bears it's quite another story. Because they eat you.

You'd think I'm joking but I think many people in the Lower 48 have this Yogi Bear-vision of what bears are like, as if our bears here are like the ones that come up to your car and beg for food like circus animals. Not quite. Our bears are like those bears' Asian mafia cousins and trust me you do not want to be involved with the Asian mafia. Or any mafia actually, but I think that for some reason the movies tend to portray the Asian mafia as the worst kind of mafia that there is and I'm not really sure if that is a compliment to our friends in Asia or not. It could mean that the Asian people are just that much better at everything they do so that even their organized crime is a top-notch group when it comes to terror and mayhem. OR it could mean that Asians are stereotypically scary, I'm not sure which image they're going for. Either way, Asian mafia bears? Bad.

Anyone remember Timothy Treadwell? The California surfer bum guy who was convinced that bears were his friends and that they'd been unjustly labeled as Omnivorous Depravous so he set out to prove to the world how wrong we all were? The sad part was that he dragged his girlfriend into his exploits and the two of them paid for his foolishness with their lives.

They made a movie about him so pardon me if you've heard the story before but the two of them apparently made camp along a bear path and in the middle of the night a bear that was old (ergo too old to catch normal prey and looking for easy meat) pulled Timothy from his tent and ate him before doing the same thing to his girlfriend. The horrifying, hard-to-believe part is that when the whole thing happened out of habit they pulled out the cam corder and began to record what was happening (this is of course presumably before they realized he would die) and though the tape is dark the sounds of him being eaten alive were clearly recorded and found by rescue people when their camp and remains were discovered. I guess the whole point of the story is that bears are really, really scary.

If you get attacked by a shark, they'll maim you, maybe take off a limb but the real risk is bleeding to death. If a tiger tries to kill you they'll go for the throat and the kill before setting down to eat. Bears aren't that picky. In fact, if you watch fat Alaskan bears at the end of the season along the salmon streams they'll often be so efficiently lazy that they'll open up the salmon, eat only the most nutritious parts (i.e. vital organs) then throw the rest away while the poor salmon is still gasping for air. Or water, or whatever it is that fish gasp for.

While it's uncommon to hear about a bear actually killing a person (Timothy Treadwell made headlines not only for his foolishness but because it was unusual for a bear to kill) it doesn't necessarily make me feel any more comfortable knowing that most bear attacks are just a good mauling (there's an oxymoron for you), the bear chewing on its victim until Yogi gives up and moves onto something else which really doesn't make me feel any better.

When I was a child I distinctly remember going to church one day and out in the foyer of the church there was a man visiting. He was about 60 years old and very bald, a big-chested man, and running all over his naked head like train tracks were fresh pink sutures. I watched him with fascination as a child would do (they're not afraid to stare) and he was talking to someone but as I passed him he turned and his ear had been patched back together with more fresh sutures. He'd been out hiking on one of the popular hiking trails, one I'd been on many times, and had met up with a bear who'd started gnawing on him until he'd silently prayed, "Please, Lord, make this bear go away!"

The bear immediately got up and left him alone, which probably explains the man showing up at church the next day. I think I'd be converted too.

But the point is, living with bears is just one of those things about living in Alaska. It's been strange for my husband who grew up in Colorado because he never had to worry about that kind of thing. As a kid I'd go with my family camping all the time though I never worried about bears or being attacked or anything. It wasn't until I married him and he was constantly talking about taking precautions against bears that I started to get nervous. Add to that all the recent bear attacks and I don't go anywhere where there are stretches of trees and bushes without at least a tiny twinge of "Man, I hope there are no bears around."

My feelings toward our bear neighbors are probably best summed up by a quote from a highly entertaining article that Kelly at Love Well sent me. It's from a blog called Renegade Gardener and the writer recently returned from a visit to our fair state:

With a one-hour layover before boarding my connecting flight to Homer, I wandered into the fine little bookstore within the sleek Anchorage airport, and quickly came to realize what all tourists visiting Alaska come to realize: At some point during my visit, I will be killed and eaten by a bear. One’s only prayer is that these two events occur in that order.

I don't think there have been any fatalities in a while but it makes you wonder how far things have to go before people start demanding that something serious be done. I suppose I made it through all those years without becoming an h'ors d'ouevre so the odds are probably very remote that I'll ever see a bear close up. At least that's my plan, let's hope it works out.

***

And speaking of scary things . . . did you catch Qadafi's speech? I loved SNL's take on it. If you can't laugh at Qadafi, who can you laugh at?

Sponsored by Pak Naks--decorate your stuff!

Chicken Cordon Bleu

I'm including this recipe for sentimental reasons. It's certainly not haute cuisine but it's what won my husband's heart.

You see we'd just started dating. It was about this time of year, give or take a month, and things were in the early stages. I invited him over for dinner and I decided to pull out all the stops for this guy which meant I put away the Ramen and Prego and whipped up a batch of this trusted favorite from my youth.

I served it up and while we were eating a girl next door came by to deliver a message. Now this particular girl was a cute, perky blond Barbie who had had her eye on my guy for quite some time but when I opened the door and she saw him sitting there eating real food she knew she had to admit defeat. He was mine from then on out.

It's not fancy, unless compared to mac and cheese, but it's quite tasty in a homey way and you can make it up ahead and bake it when you need it quite easily. We had it a while back so I thought it might as well be included here.

four skinless boneless chicken breasts
four thin slices of ham
four cubes of Swiss cheese
1/4 cup Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup Shake-n-Bake seasoning
1/4 teaspoon paprika
salt and pepper to taste
1 tablespoon freshly chopped parsley
toothpicks

for sauce:
1 tablespoon butter
2 tablespoons finely minced onion
1/2 cup sliced fresh mushrooms
1 tablespoon flour
1 14-ounce can chicken broth
dash of salt
dash of pepper
pinch of thyme
dash of Worcestershire sauce

Take each chicken breast and with a piece of plastic wrap over the top pound flat with a kitchen mallet to about 1/4-inch thickness. Lay ham slices, one for each breast, on chicken then add cubed Swiss cheese on each as well. Roll up and secure with toothpicks.

Mix the Parmesan, Shake-n-Bake, salt and pepper and parsley in a bowl and roll each chicken roll in the mixture to coat thoroughly. Bake in a greased pan at 350 degrees for about 45 minutes.

Meanwhile, for sauce melt butter in a saucepan and saute onions and mushrooms until soft. Add flour and mix thoroughly. Add salt and pepper then slowly add chicken broth, whisking it to prevent lumps. Bring to boil, stirring and scraping bottom, then cook one more minute. Add thyme and Worchesteshire sauce. When chicken are done drizzle sauce over the top of each roll and enjoy.

Sponsored by Beau-Coup for unique baby shower favors.

Artistry Skin Care Products Giveaway

I've heard about fancy skin procedures like chemical peels but I don't know that I'd ever have the guts (or the money) to give them a try. However, I've heard from several sources that just using a good exfoliation system as part of your skin care routine can be nearly as effective as the fancy office-style treatments at a fraction of the cost.

I was given a product to try recently from Artistry, which makes women's skin products as a division of Amway Global, and so far have been quite pleased with the results.

Artistry has a Microdermabrasion System which has three parts: the polishing scrub which you use on clean, dry skin by rubbing it gently into your skin with the Microexfoliation cloth then rinsing with warm water, drying and then moisturizing with the Skin Refinishing Lotion. You can use it 2-3 times per week though I tend to have sensitive skin so I just started out doing it once a week to be safe until I was sure it wasn't going to cause any problems--it didn't, but I sure could tell it was working, even over a short period of a couple weeks. Softer, clearer skin and (does this sound odd? It's a thing for me) it smells very good. I'm big on nice-smelling products.

So loved it! It's a keeper and if you see some woman on the street with this amazing glowing skin that's so radiant you can hardly make eye contact? Well, that would be me.

And if you're not in the market for skin care products then the Health and Beauty site that sells Artistry products (for men and women) also sells Nutrilite, for mineral, diet and vitamin supplements as well as sports nutrition products. I haven't tried any of those but they claim they're the world's best selling supplement brand. Worth a look at least.

Anyway, since I got to try Artistry products and see how great they worked it's only fair that one of you should get to too, right? They've graciously offered another Microdermabrasion System to one of you should your name be selected by the all-powerful Random Number Generator. Good luck! Follow the directions below for a shot.

Here's how to win:

Before 12 am Monday morning go to the giveaway entry form on this page and enter your name and email. I will pick one of the names at random, contact the winner via their email and publish the winner's first name and home town in next Tuesday's post. See the bottom of the entry form for more details.

This giveaway is open to all readers.

Things I've Recently Learned

It's been a while since I've said anything about how things are going here, we're coming up on the six-week anniversary since Andrew lost his job and when I first mentioned it here many of you commented and said, "Wait and see, there will be good things that will come from this" and while I agreed you'll pardon me if I was ever-so-slightly skeptical at the time.

Panic has a way of doing that you know. But six weeks is six weeks. Andrew mentioned to me that the whole thing reminded him of the other traumatic time he had this summer when his boat capsized and how he felt when he finally popped up after being under water. We agreed that by now we feel that we've popped up and are getting some air and it's time to swim for shore. A good metaphor I think.

But while I've talked about ways we're cutting back and things I'm worrying over I thought I'd like to concentrate today on a few things I've been learning during this time. Maybe there are those who have been here before who have learned other lessons as well but for now this is what we're noticing and I'm coupling it with cute pictures of my kids in the picnic we had last week.

Because I have that kind of power and because it was a really, really nice evening where we could forget stress and just enjoy being outside together (and by the way, that water is just above freezing but they stayed in it for hours).

1. There are a lot of very kind people out there. It's interesting how when you're struggling with something that the slightest thing can be a blessing. A kind word, a plate of cookies, a thoughtful gesture--and there have been quite a few who have said and done such nice things. And while a loaf of homemade bread may not solve all the problems it goes a very long way toward making you feel not so alone and worried because it's proof that the world isn't so bad after all, right? I'm grateful for each gesture.

2. Now I know what to say. Have you ever had it happen where you know someone has had something bad happen to them, say a death in the family or something else tragic, and while you sympathize and want to say something appropriate to comfort them, what can you say? There have been plenty of times when I worry about saying the right thing or I worry that bringing it up might be embarrassing or painful so I make the worst choice of saying nothing at all.

There's nothing like having something unfortunate happen to you to teach you exactly how to react to others in similar circumstances. You don't tell a mother whose just miscarried, "It's okay, you'll have other children" if you've had it happen to you right? Well when I have friends who have lost their jobs I now know that the kindest thing to do is to say, "I'm so sorry to hear what happened, I'd love to be able to help you however I can. How are you holding up?" because things like that have been the most comforting to us.

The hard thing about losing your job is that there's a certain amount of shame associated with the experience. It's not something one is typically proud of no matter how the situation came about and having your friends ignore the issue and pretend it didn't happen makes you feel as if they're embarrassed about it (not a nice thing to feel). Never again will I not say anything because I'm worried about saying the wrong thing, I've learned better.

3. I'm more compassionate. Andrew came home one day this past month and commented that it was funny how that when he now saw homeless people his attitude was so much softer and more compassionate. He thought, "Gosh, that poor guy's down on his luck, what a hard life to have" rather than ignoring him altogether and I agreed with him. When you're down on your own luck you start to notice that others may not have it so rosy either and feelings of sympathy come quicker than feelings of judgment.

A little more compassion is always a good thing.

4. I waste less. I already mentioned Andrew's ramen noodle episode which I thought was funny but really it's indicative of a switch to a less wasteful lifestyle. We save gas, we save electricity, we save leftovers, we save the ends on the loaves of bread for goodness sake. It makes me feel rather ashamed of so many things I have wasted over the years (oh how Mom used to lecture me for not drinking the milk in the bottom of my cereal bowl!) but we've been excellent at recycling and reusing. You'd be so proud of us.

5. I'm rather excited for the future. You'll laugh at me but earlier this summer before all this happened I was outside being lazy and I remember looking up at the blue sky and thinking how smoothly things were all going in our lives followed by, "Gosh it feels like something bad is about to happen to stir things up."

I must have ESP or something. But I secretly admitted to myself that it was all becoming a little boring--cruise control gets tiresome. The same routine every day, the same things, the same patterns. I was right, something did happen to shake things up and now that we're working so hard to keep afloat at least I can say it's really kind of interesting, even exciting. And who knows what might happen? Before things were laid out so stiff and solid in front of us but now it's kind of open to improvisation and sometimes that can be a good thing. I'm pretty sure it's not going to be easy but sometimes the things that aren't easy can be very rewarding in the end. I'm just hoping that "The End" isn't right around the corner, like say in eight months where we're living in a cardboard box off 36th Avenue.

6. It's going to be great for the kids. For years we have seriously struggled with our children living in a society filled with excess. So many gadgets and toys to have, places to visit and things to own and it just isn't good for anyone let alone an impressionable, growing mind. It is tiring to feel as if we're always having to say, "No, you can't have that," "No, I'm not going to buy that for you," "Yes, you'll be the only child left on the planet without the shoes with rollers on the bottom but you'll live" but now the situation is taken completely out of my hands for a glorious reprieve. I don't have to be the bad guy anymore--at least at this point--because they know the money isn't there so they don't even ask.

In fact it goes farther than that, they can see that things have changed and it's teaching them the same things I've mentioned above and they're handling it fine. Would they rather have their "stuff" back? I'm sure but they're learning that life can be good without a lot of stuff, maybe even better.

I hope they still feel that way in six months.

7. It's kept me blogging. I had fully resolved to shut things down in September and everything I did was leading up to it but once we needed all the extra cash we could collect from the sofa I figured it might be a bad idea.

So I kept going and wouldn't you know it, something about this past month has changed things. It's not as if I'm a brand new person, married to my blog till death do us part but somewhere during the month new things came up, new opportunities and it all fell together where I now kind of realize where I want to go with things and what place blogging has for me and it never would have happened if I'd shut things down. Funny how things like that go. . . .

8. It's kept me exercising. In general principle I really really hate to exercise. In fact the only good thing about exercise (for me) is how good it feels when I stop and when we went through that whole barefoot-running thing this summer I wondered how long it would take for the honeymoon to end. But once all this stress hit I could tell that it would be critical for Andrew to have regular ways to work it out at the track and I thought it would be good if I did it with him so we could spend that extra time together now that time would be at a premium.

So it's been three months now and we're out jogging several times a week. I'm not any marathon star or anything but I'm jogging two miles in about 26 minutes--nice and easy is my motto--and it feels good to be keeping fit and spending time with my friend. So that's been another good thing that wouldn't have probably happened if this all hadn't happened (especially since you know how there are two types of people in this world: those who don't eat when they're stressed and those who eat when they're stressed? I'm the second kind. Sigh. Or losing a few pounds fro the stress would be on the list).

9. I'm more creative with solutions to our needs. If we needed something at the store it was easy to run on down and pick it up but you should see me now. The kids' Halloween costumes have already been thoroughly discussed (they start planning for them around August) and we're not spending a dime, it's all from stuff we already have.

If I have to run an errand I'm a genius at plotting a path that will take the least amount of time and gas and I've been learning new ways to use every scrap of extras we have. In fact, I just harvested a bunch of cabbage from the garden and after using it in the meal for that night David even used some of the extra leaves for food in his worm tub.

Worm tub? I haven't mentioned that? It's another post for another day. Let's just say we've got more worms than you'd normally feel comfortable with living under our roof.

10. I don't have a number ten. It's only six months into this thing and while I'm being extremely positive today you'll forgive me that I could only come up with nine good things. I'm sure there will be more later but for now nine is all I can handle.

Sponsored by Beau-Coup for unique baby shower favors.

Hanging out the Herbs

Time to dry those herbs--it's been a good summer for growing and I've got pineapple mint (which really does smell like pineapple), tarragon (LOVE that stuff) and sage hanging here.

One of the kids has a friend whose mother's name is Cinnamon. Isn't that lovely? I don't even know the woman but the name says it all. If I were going to name my kids after herbs and spices then Grace would be Anise, Spencer would be Coriander, David would be Turmeric and Lillian would be Nutmeg. Of course you could always go with plain old Rosemary and Ginger I suppose but who would want to be plain?

I think I'd want to be Saffron. Yes, Saffron please, from now on.

***

And a few other things . . .

First, Stephanie from Metropolitan Mama has written an ebook, Bloggertunity: A Mom's Guide to Blogging which gives you instructions on setting up your own blog. I've met Stephanie and she's a wonderful person who gives her best to blogging so it's worth a peek to see what she has to say.

Second, Susan from Foodblogga has been kind enough to ask me a few questions which she's posted in a very thorough interview. Things you may already know about me but then again, maybe there are a few surprises.

And finally here are some really REALLY good links.

• Random questions from 25-35 olds. Think of them as Deep Thoughts for Generation X.
• How to Turn a Cheap Cut of Meat into Choice Steak by Steamy Kitchen--I think I'll try this thank you.
• How to Make a Custom Twitter Background. VERY helpful.
• Cheesy Garlic Biscuits a la Red Lobster. YUM.
• Apple and Pear Coffee Cake with Brioche from my best friends at Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day
• Five Ways We Teach Our Children to Be Picky Eaters and How to Fix It by Healthy Green Moms. I think this can also be applied to husbands as well.
  

Sponsored by YourWeddingDays.com for beautiful bridal shower invitations.

Crossing to Safety

My favorite writer of all time is Wallace Stegner (I apologize to those of you who have heard me carry on about him before but the man's a genius) and while I've read this particular novel before I figured it was time for a re-read. The best books always bear repeating.

What makes this novel so good? You mean besides the prose so smooth you feel as if you're floating down a river with the sun shining down? Or the characters drawn so masterfully you can hear the distinctions in their dialog? Or the themes that, while eternal, are so modern, thoughtful and resonant that you find yourself nodding your head as you read?

Stegner grew up in Saskatchewan but lived in various places in the central United States (Salt Lake City, for example) and the land plays a central role in his stories. He also follows the themes of family and marriage, love and unity, pride and failure in a way that convinces me he's the greatest contemporary writer of all time. I'd stretch it to say greatest writer ever but it's not fair to put Milton and Shakespeare and Tolstoy up against Stegner. Because they'd lose.

Anyway, Crossing to Safety is one of his later books which is the story of a friendship between two couples: the Morgans and the Langs. The Morgans have no family, no money but lots of hope and promise and the Langs are old money, New England aristocracy and an uneasy marriage struggling to find equilibrium.

It follows their story as a flashback, the two couples have come together again at the end of the journey when Charity Lang is dying and she's summoned her friends to her side in her final days. Larry Morgan, now a successful writer, tells the story of their lives together from the time they met while teaching college in Wisconsin during the Depression to their lives during the war and raising their families to the eventual end of the road.

Stegner talks about life at the university and that old "publish or perish" dogma that haunts the men of the story, the process of writing and publishing along with talent and hard work, the roles in marriage and of men and women and through it all he describes the fascinating interplay of characters and personalities without condemnation but with thought and sincerity. He builds these two couples until you feel as if you know them intimately and love them both though if I had to confess the person I love intensely is Stegner. If I could pick anyone on the planet I'd rather have an evening of conversation with it would be that man. Did I mention he taught at Stanford for years, building up their creative writing program with such genius that it's the program most others across the country are now modeled on? Yes I'm definitely a groupie. It's unfortunate that he died back in 1993 because I'd be his official stalker.

I could give you example after example of his beautiful words but rather than overload you I'll give you just a sample:

And so, by circuitous and unpredictable routes, we converged toward midcontinent and met in Madison, and are at once drawn together, braided and plaited into friendship. It is a relationship that has no formal shape, there are no rules or obligations or bonds as in marriage or the family, it is held together by neither law nor property nor blood, there is no glue in it but mutual liking. It is therefore rare. To Sally and me, focused on each other and on the problems of getting on in a rough world, it happened unexpectedly; and in all our lives it has happened so thoroughly only once.

We straggled into Madison, western orphans, and the Langs adopted us into their numerous, rich, powerful, reassuring tribe. We wandered into their orderly Newtonian universe, a couple of asteroids, and they captured us with their gravitational pull and made moons of us and fixed us in orbit around themselves.

Oh to write like that. Viva la Stegner!

***

Congratulations to Giovanna from Cambridge, Massachusetts for winning this weekend's Beau-Coup giveaway, and also to Faith in Malibu, California for winning last weekend's FLOR giveaway. Prizes, prizes, prizes!

Sponsored by Pak Naks--decorate your stuff!

When Is a Pony Ride Not a Pony Ride?

Saturday I had my day all planned out: cleaning, ironing, a basketball game, exercising, washing cars but then I got an invitation and all that work stuff was thrown out the window (including, incidentally, writing a post for Monday).

Anchorage sits on an arrow of land pointing west into Cook Inlet. If you drive along the inlet and head north you'll arrive at the towns of Wasilla and Palmer (Wasilla of course being the home of our most famous moose-shooting-Carhart-wearing-snowmachining politician, Miss Sarah Palin and her media-lovin' family). That whole area to the north of Anchorage once you get across the bridge is called the Matanuska-Susitna Valley, or Mat-Su for short and it's one of the fastest growing areas of the state. Growing in population that is, the land itself is pretty much staying the same size as it's been for quite a while now. Just in case I wasn't clear on that point.

Because the valley is slightly inland it sees more extreme temperatures than we get in Anchorage, the land is prime for farming and the summers see daylight all day long which is why they can grow those giant cabbages like you see here at my good friend Kim's place. The winner this year was the new world's record at something like 125 pounds. Talk about your kimchi.

Anyway, up in Palmer there is a farm where you can pick your own produce and on Saturday they had a harvest celebration. I was told by an unnamed source (and I quote) that it was free to get in, with "hay rides, pony rides, food and animals" though in retrospect I do admit that's rather ambiguous. But no matter because it was a gorgeous fall day (we've had the greatest weather I can remember this year) and I decided right there that chores could wait, a drive north sounded fun and dang it, there were ponies!

Lillian was thrilled at the prospect, David was fine with it too but my 13 year-old son not so much. In fact I think our discussion went something along the lines of:

"We're going up to this farm do you want to come with us?"

"No--I was going to hang out with John and Creighton and work on our forts."

"Well if we're going to be gone all afternoon you're not going to be roaming the neighborhood with a hatchet, you're going to have to stick around the house instead."

"Can I play video games?"

"No."

"So basically I can't go play with my friends, I can't play video games, but I can stay inside and read quietly?"

"Yup. Pretty much."

"I'll go."

"Oh I'm so glad you wanted to come!"

Did someone claim that teenagers weren't fun? Ha!

Grace was working so it was just the rest of us (four happy faces, one not so much) and we caravaned with extended family to see this amazing day of fun and frolicking which was only becoming more epic by the moment as our visions of the fun awaiting us grew.

We arrived and parked the car then headed through the crowd into the area where the band was playing and picked out a line. I say picked out a line because there were lines of people everywhere--lines for the dart-throw, lines for the face-painting, lines for the bowling game, lines for the hockey game, lines for the food.

The first thing we did was ask where to get a "Fast Pass" but apparently that system hasn't yet arrived in the Mat-Su valley. So we waited. And waited. And waited some more. All with a teenage son who was very excited to be standing in line with his younger siblings for a chance to catapult a rubber chicken into a basket. He was slouching so low so as to deflect any potential attention that might be aimed his way that his chest was pretty much scraping his belt-buckle.

Anyway, while I sound as if I'm complaining it actually was rather fun. The weather made you feel grateful to be outside and free of chores, the younger two kids were thrilled for their chance to subdue a vicious wild hen at the petting pen and I felt so relaxed and warm and free that if someone had offered me a few acres of farm land of my own, some overalls and a chance to haul manure I would have taken it right there, hang it all.

Plus it was really fun to watch all those city folks walking around in their head-to-toe REI gear and pushing $500 strollers through that aforesaid manure. I found it engagingly ironic. You could see the panic in their eyes when mothers went to exit the petting pen and were told that no, there was not any Purell on hand and that therefore the goat their child just caressed was going to have to remain with them, lingering on the palms, until they could get back to the safety of the city.

As Andrew obvserved, "It's hard to understand how humanity has survived alongside goats for so many thousands of years without the benefit of Purell."

The bad news? No pony rides but the good news? There were hay rides. Another 30 minutes in line and you too could enjoy being towed around behind a tractor and see where kale and kohlrabi originate. And while I'm joking around here, I did enjoy it very much. It was just so beautiful to be outside and to see the mountains in the distance against the fields of farmland with the fall colors adding sparks to the scene. Once I finally got there you could have pulled me around on the hay ride for an hour and I would have been quite content. And I wouldn't even need any Purell.

And the funny part? After we'd left for home my sister told us that apparently when we'd arrived, following the crowd, we'd walked into the event through the wrong place and had missed the admissions booth. We'd completely, accidentally scammed them out of the $15/family entrance fee.

I felt pretty bad about it, not having intended to be such a law-breaker but then at the same time I was rather grateful I hadn't known about it all beforehand because it really wasn't worth $15. I would have felt completely stupid after an hour of driving to tell everyone, "Oops! A fee--sorry, can't afford it. We're going home." Though I suppose Spencer would have been okay with turning around and heading home, that was kind of his suggestion from the beginning.

But as it was it was a beautiful day and we had a fun time being outside and being together and enjoying the amazing place we live. And at least it wasn't as bad as that time we were all in Hawaii and I talked everyone into a train ride that ended up being the lamest thing any of us had ever seen--that was embarrassing. at least I can say that catapulting chickens was a lot more fun than that.

So what if there were no pony rides? I'll take kohlrabi over ponies any day of the week.

Sponsored by Beau-Coup for unique baby shower favors.

Root Beer Cake

Now I have to give you the full disclosure here: this isn't my recipe. If you haven't heard me say this before, most recipes I post are recipes I've seen other places but have tweaked them here or there to suit my fancy (I love saying the word fancy. As in "fancy that" or "I'd fancy some root beer cake." I suppose deep down I wish I were British) but before I get too sidetracked over vocabulary what I was saying was that most recipes, while not entirely original, are changed here and there.

And then there are those that are completely original (which I'll usually brag about) and then there are some that I've had in my files so long I couldn't possibly remember who the original source was.

However, this one fits none of the above. Instead, I found it at Joy the Baker's place and I'd feel funny about sharing it except that it seems she herself was passing it along from the book she references so I don't feel the need to get too worked up over sourcing on this one. And I promise, it's a fabulous, amazing, terrific recipe. How many more adjectives can I recycle to convince you?

You might think it tastes like root beer (which I happen to adore--though on another rambling side note I've heard that the flavor is most definitely an American taste. I had a friend who'd lived in Denmark who claimed the Danes thought root beer reminiscent of toilet bowl cleaner and I'm not sure if that speaks more definitively of the Danes or of root beer because how on earth would anyone know what toilet bowl cleaner tasted like? Obviously they're not to be trusted on the subject and need to stick to pastries) but it doesn't.

Doesn't taste like root beer that is. At least not really. The root beer brings out the super-chocolate flavor of this dense, rich, dark bundt cake and because the frosting too is made with root beer there's more of a root beer flavor in the frosting but it's not necessarily a strong root beer flavor. Subtle. Very subtle. Like my flowing prose which lilts from one run-on sentence to the next.

The root beer flavor does become stronger over time so it's perfect to make a day ahead, a practice which actually improves the texture and flavor of almost any cake though I doubt many people know that because who bothers to leave cakes sitting around their house to "mellow"? What, are we talking cheese here people? Of course not. But if you can find the self-control you will be rewarded.

Enough talk. On with the recipe.

2 cups non-diet root beer
1 cup cocoa powder
1/2 cup butter
1 1/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/4 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 large eggs

Preheat even to 325 degrees. Grease and flour a 10-inch bundt pan.

In a small saucepan, heat the root beer, cocoa powder and butter over medium heat until butter is melted. Add sugars and whisk until dissolved. Remove from heat and let cool.

In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda and salt.

In a small bowl whisk the eggs until just beaten. Then whisk into the cocoa mixture until combined. Mix the flour into the batter which will be slightly lumpy. Whisk it a bit to mix but don't over beat the batter or it will make the texture tough. Just get some of those lumps out.

Pour the batter into pan and cook for 35-45 minutes until a sharp knife inserted in the center comes out clean. Transfer to a wire rack to cool completely then loosen edges with a butter knife and turn out onto a cake plate.

Chocolate Root Beer Frosting

2 ounces semi-sweet chips melted
1 stick unsalted butter, softened
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup root beer
2/3 cup cocoa powder
2 1/2 cups powdered sugar

Beat softened butter and cocoa powder. Add the melted chocolate, salt, powdered sugar and root beer. Beat together until smooth. Spread on top of cooled cake.

Sponsored by YourWeddingDays.com for beautiful bridal shower invitations.

Beau-Coup Giveaway

Take a good look at the picture here--then tell me if it's not too cute!

They're little baby bottles that are votive candles and are made to be cute little baby shower favors or decorations. Straight from a site called Beau-Coup that specializes in such cute little items.

Because if you're expecting a bundle of joy you need something appropriate cute for the occasion, right?

Egg timers (do you get the pun?), heart-shaped measuring spoons, baby petit fours, custom fortune cookies, anything you could want for celebrating you'll find there.

And thanks to the kindness of Beau-Coup they're offering this weekend's winner a $50 gift certificate to the store so you can pick your favorites for yourself. Enter below and good luck!

Merci Beau-Coup!

Here's how to win:

Before 12 am Monday morning go to the giveaway entry form on this page and enter your name and email. I will pick one of the names at random, contact the winner via their email and publish the winner's first name and home town in next Tuesday's post. See the bottom of the entry form for more details.

This giveaway is open to all readers.

More Video Reviews

Now that the summer is over we've all gone back to work. We haven't watched much television or many movies for a couple months now--these are saved up from over the summer--so I don't know that there will be any more of these lists coming out soon but this ought to keep you busy for a bit.

1. Doubt
I have this theory that the best movies are often plays first--at least among many of my favorites this is true and I think it's because with a play you're confined by the set, costume changes and restrictions of the theater. You instead focus on tight dialogue, character development and subplot over special effects and dazzling the eye (unless of course you're Andrew Lloyd Weber). It's obvious that Doubt fits perfectly in with my theory and it's everything you'd expect from powerhouses such as Meryl Streep and Philip Seymour Hoffman.

The premise is that a jaded nun suspects the priest of improper relations with one of the students at the school he oversees and it takes place in the 1960s, before the scandals and deceit we've come to think of as commonplace were laid bare. The movie is true to its setting, while the theme is definitely mature and the tone serious the treatment of the situation is handled with as much delicacy and euphemism as you'd expect from a nun in the Sixties. Consequently while I wouldn't show the movie to children (again, too heavy for them) it's entirely appropriate for those old enough to be able to discuss the themes the movie brings up: What is faith? What is the difference between faith in God and faith in man? What does it mean to trust someone? What is forgiveness? etc. etc.

It's one you have to see when you're in the mood for something serious (and you can deal with the flightiness of Amy Adams who belongs back in the Disney movies with her cartoon birds) but I'd give it an A.

2. The Express
Oh, also an A for this one. It's the based-on-a-true-story version of Ernie Davis' run for the Heisman trophy in the 1960s and while it follows some of the requisite formulae of the sports movie genre it isn't entirely your typical sports movie.

Of course it has Dennis Quaid--seems like most sports movies require Dennis Quaid though that's not necessarily a complaint--and issues like racism and social injustice and the story of someone's climb to success at great personal cost but it's even a little deeper than that.

Ernie Davis was following in the footsteps of football great Jim Brown who missed out on the Heisman a few years prior (many thought he'd been robbed because of his race) and struggles to be his own kind of best rather than to be another Jim Brown. A good movie and pretty clean too, the boys enjoyed it.

3. Vantage Point
Yet another Dennis Quaid movie but I'm not as kind with this one. I originally saw the trailer in the theaters and thought, "Hey! Another action movie. I'm there." Then the reviews started coming out and I thought I'd wait to catch it on video.

I chose wisely. Of course I actually would recommend going a step further and not seeing this one at all, it's about as corn-ball and ridiculously misplotted as you can get. On the surface it's not a bad story--the President of the United States is attacked while on a visit to Spain and the same events are seen by various people, including a very spacy Forrest Whitaker. The story gives each character's version of events, slowly allowing the viewer to piece together what is real and what is illusory.

Yea, that would have been nice. Instead you get cliche characters: the damaged Secret Service officer who took a bullet for his boss and has since lost his nerve, the terrorist who isn't quite sure if terrorism is the most philanthropic of vocations and that maybe he should rethink his career choice, the insider who has masterminded the whole thing (and I could spill it right here and tell you who it is but it's so OBVIOUS by 15 minutes into the movie it's pointless to waste the effort to type it) and the evil, horrible, blackhearted Bad Guys who are out to destroy all that is good and decent in the world.

The plot is so unbelievable and so ridiculously full of no-way coincidences that it's laughable. Even Sigourney Weaver does her part to make sure the cliches are flowing and the movie's idea of high drama and emotion is to kill off the reporter who suspects something isn't right, who sees beyond the hype, who isn't there to feed the American people the typical lies and cover-ups but gets blown to smithereens before she can fulfill her noble calling.

Yes, I'm cynical but come on--give me something that I can't see coming a mile away and that doesn't reek of outdated stereotypes. A huge, big, fat F.

4. Seven Pounds
Will Smith. Drama. Emotion. Yes this one had great potential. I'm afraid to tell you what it is about because I rented it to see on the flight down to L.A. last June and knew absolutely nothing about the movie beyond those first three words. As I watched (and I should confess here I'm a big Will Smith fan despite all that freaky Scientology stuff he's into) I was hooked hard, I wanted to know how it was going to end and what it was all about. What was going on? Why was he acting this way? What was he going to do?

All good reactions and proof that the plot was moving forward nicely but then, about 20 minutes from the end everything clicked and I knew exactly what was going on, how things were and what was going to happen down to the over-the-top, crazy, goofy, nobody-would-ever-really-do-that-not-even-a-Scientologist climax.

What have you done Will baby? I want I Am Legend back.

If you'd like a decent movie then watch it until about 20 minutes from the ending then turn it off, walk away and consider yourself blessed. I'm doing you a favor, trust me. Without the ending I'd give it a B+, with the psychotic episode they call the resolution it's a D.

5. Hancock
Another movie that makes me question my love of Will. Again, a good premise, one with promise, but one which really doesn't deliver.

We'd rented this one for the flight home from L.A. and I watched about ten minutes and got so sick of the crudity, the profanity, the pure crassness (is that an oxymoron?) that I turned it off. Reading Sky magazine was preferable to listening to Mr. Smith's foul mouth.

Yes I understand you're trying to develop character and establish that this guy is no Boy Scout but did they have to prove the point so thoroughly? Ugh. Disgusting. I have little patience with that type of humor, it's so juvenile and easy to produce. My fifth grader could write like that if it wouldn't get his mouth washed out with soap. Give me humor that is more intelligent and I'll give you the laughs.

No grade, it was an "incomplete."

6. The Pink Panther 2
I never saw the first Pink Panther, I avoided it out of protest because the original Pink Panther movies are so perfect that it offended me that they'd consider remaking them. Even with Steve Martin who is brilliant. There are scenes from those movies that I will treasure in my heart forever--like the time when he tries to cross the moat to get into the castle? Or when he sucks up the canary with the vacuum cleaner?

"That was a priceless Steinway!"

"Not anymore."

Heh, I can recite lines and chuckle to myself and I didn't want to ruin the memories but I saw the previews and checked out the DVD and actually . . . it wasn't bad. Not Peter Sellers, certainly not Blake Edwards, but not bad. The boys watched too and they thought it was quite giggle-worthy and there are a few scenes that are pretty darn funny. I still don't know if I'd ever see the first one, I don't think I could handle Beyonce bouncing for such a sustained period, but this one was a good B+.

7. The Spiderwick Chronicles
Never read the books though my kids liked them. I'd heard the movie was pretty good and we eventually got around to checking it out of the library. It wasn't bad--even with that little British boy that seems to be the "it" kid for all children's movies but whom irritates me for some unknown reason. To say you don't like the Charlie Bucket is probably like saying you don't like kittens or bunnies but there you have it.

Regardless, the movie is fine. A little long and drawn out, a little typical with the fantasy-style plot but not bad. City of Ember was better and more engaging with better acting and a more interesting plot so if you're looking for a kid's movie I'd recommend that one over this but still, better than a poke in the eye as my mother says.

Spiderwick? A C. City of Ember? B, maybe B+.

8. Tell No One
I'm embarrassed to admit I saw this one. It's based on Harlan Coben's best-selling novel of the same name which I loved so I wanted to give it a try but I really should have known enough about French films to have figured out that a "no rating" on it probably meant it wasn't exactly a "G."

While being described as a "perfect thriller" I thought it was a bit graphic with the crime-scene gore--something that the likes of Hitchcock and Shyamalan managed to avoid and yet produce superior films. Though I'm very aware that I'm dating myself as a pre-CSI era television viewer when I say that (is anyone else out there amazed at the kind of gore they get away with on those shows? And the sound effects that put with them gross me out completely).

Anyway, while reviews said the characters were well-developed they felt flat to me. Flat and naked. Very naked. Oh so naked. How could two people spend so much time naked and be so very very blurry? The camera kept blurring strategic points here or there but come on, they were still naked. A lot. I doubt even the French spend that much time frolicking around in nature without clothing.

But even with these prudish complaints (yes I know I'm uptight when it comes to movies showing nudity or gore but then I figure if I'm uncomfortable with my teens seeing it then maybe it's not all that appropriate for me too) the worst of it was it wasn't that great of an adaptation from the novel. Maybe it's because I knew what would happen but I just didn't find it too suspenseful. Maybe if they'd had Russell Crowe . . . I'd have definitely liked it better.

Should have turned it off but then I was knitting and my hands were busy so I was only giving it a portion of my attention. Skip it, a D.

9. Expelled
Okay this one is tough. I like documentaries occasionally and this one came recommended. It's by Ben Stein ("Bueller?" "Bueller?") and is about how the scientific community conspires to keep Intelligent Design from being considered or even discussed. He claims there is censorship at every turn and that the established body of science goes to insane lengths to squash all who would suggest that Intelligent Design should even be examined to determine its merit.

You probably shouldn't watch it unless you at least partially agree with Stein's feelings on the issue, other wise it will just make you mad because he uses the same inflammatory rhetoric and propaganda made famous by the giants of the industry on the other side of the aisle: namely Michael Moore and Morgan Spurlock. Stein uses graphic images designed to ignite your feelings and even compares Nazism to social Darwinism (and to be honest, there are some parallels). No, he doesn't hold back.

The whole movie feels kind of like a person who answers your question of, "Why do you disagree?" with "Because you're stupid!" No real argument, no real case or dialogue, just words that mean little and emotion that creates a wall. That's this movie. But hey, if that's how he feels about it . . .

I found it slightly interesting, rather amusing, certainly designed to provoke emotion, a little over-the-top but all-in-all not a bad film. A C as documentaries go. Of course I'm sure I'm biased because I do happen to believe in Intelligent Design. In fact "Intelligent Design" is redundant because you cannot have good design without intelligence so I'm going to naturally be more open to his thoughts on the matter but he's presented things with as much of a slant as he can get away with and not get chased out of the theater with pitchforks and torches.

And as I said, Fehrenheit 9/11 and Super Size Me and other dogmatic films do the same thing for other political views so why not? Take it for what it's worth. Some good documentaries to see instead? How about Shackleton's Arctic Adventure or Touching the Void or Deep Water? All great.

10. Sneakers
We checked this one out because Spencer was having some friends over to watch movies and we assured him that it was a classic that would not disappoint. I LOVED this Robert Redford thriller back in the 90s and was sure the kids would appreciate such fine cinematic art.

Ha! Memo for the future: Do not show movies to my kids where cell phones are bigger than waste paper baskets. They'll just spend the entire movie laughing.

While some classic 80s and 90s movies are ripe for revival (we showed Better off Dead to Grace's friends and they thought it was a hoot) I now realize that movies relying on technology and gadgets fall flat after twenty years.

At one point in the movie the characters are trying to solve a puzzle. Spencer looks up and says, "Why don't they just Google it?"

Well sure . . . uh . . . if you have Google that would be a logical step to take but son this was BEFORE Google.

And their biggest gripe was that the blind guy was the only one on the team who was worth anything. They wanted to know why he even put up with the rest of those rejects because he could solve the whole thing by himself. Just him and some Google.

So it wasn't exactly as good as it used to be but boy I loved this one once upon a time. I give it a nostalgic A that fades into a gently loved C.

11. The Mummy III: Something about a Dragon Guy
Honestly I do not even remember what this stupid movie was even about. There was a mummy--oh no wait, there wasn't a mummy. But there was a dragon. Uh . . . wait, no. Scratch that. No dragon.

No mummies, no dragons, not even Rachael Weisz. Dang. I missed her. Apparently she's moved on, leaving a fake British lady to take her place. Like we wouldn't notice or anything.

The good news is, that even with the massive amounts of CGI and pyrotechnics it was clean enough for David to see and enjoy. My ten year-old loved it. That ought to give you an idea of the quality we're talking about here. Though he did happen to say with a certain amount of sarcasm in his voice that the movie should have been called The Mummy III: The Yeti Guys Are the Coolest. Apparently that was the best part and it was unclear why they didn't just clean everything up for our heroes from the get-go. Kind of like those dumb eagles in Lord of the Rings.

Anyway, watch it for Brendan Frasier if you must but he's starting to feel those years and there's only so much you can do with CGI. Time to break out the Shatner Girdle. Even the mighty Jet Li was looking a little peaky. A grade D. For dragons. Of which there were none to my recollection. But an A for David.

12. 17 Again
Last but not least we have this little flick. I'm sorry to say that it isn't one that lingers in fond memories on the brain.

It was my first introduction to Señor Efron and I can say with complete confidence that he has got something. You know how some people have that screen presence that kind of hypnotizes? He's got it. It's not just the good looks because Matthew Perry isn't exactly a shabby dog but the difference between the way they come across on screen is huge. One is appealing the other is not, and it's not just their characters or their off-screen dramas that make it so. I haven't a clue what it is but it's there.

I sound like some squealing teen but don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly in the fan club or anything, he was just the highlight of the movie. He's cool, he's appealing, he's everything a star should be and he'll be going places I imagine.

However, this movie does not.

Gripe Numero Uno: It's marketed as a teen/younger person movie. D'uh, with Zac Efron of course it's designed to appeal to younger audiences but it's not a kid movie at all. I don't know that it's a Disney film, but it has the feel in the trailers of being that kind of a movie--like Parent Trap or something. But it's not. It's a solid PG-13, just like its rating.

Imagine my pleasure when we were not five minutes into the film and I'm suddenly finding myself faced with explaining to my young son why this boy's girlfriend is pregnant and what "E.D." is? And sorry Google bots, I'm not writing that one out for you to find. I get enough spam on the subject as it is. Yea, a really funny joke. Not. Naked guys holding strategically placed pillows, people being surprised in bed together, guys dumping girlfriends for not putting out, jokes about small male organs, you name it, it's there. And all for the low, low price of . . .

So it's not a kid movie at all. In fact I believe my daughter referred to it as "seven layer nachoes" with a little bit of everything to offend the palate.

Gripe Numero Dos: It's creepy. I'm not sure why, I've seen plenty of other movies where people are reincarnated and have troubles with their siblings/fathers/mothers/hillbilly cousins falling in love with them. I'm thinking Chances Are and Back to the Future as immediate examples but something about this one was creepier. Maybe it was the local teacher who was just arrested for messing around with one of her students here that did it for me but this scenario just played out in the slighlty creepy way that wasn't funny. Just creepy. I'm sure Demi Moore would feel differently but there it is.

Gripe Numero Tres: All the funny parts were in the preview. And I hate it when they do that. A lot.

So didn't like it, in fact no one did. Not even my resident Zac Efron groupie so that shows you how lame it was. Sorry. An F.

And in case you feel I've been rather too negative in my reviews (though I would point out there's a nice little bell curve going on here) I would suggest you see Julie and Julia, Star Trek or Angels and Demons--all great movies from this summer and all worth your time on DVD.

Sponsored by Pak Naks--decorate your stuff!