Thursday, January 04, 2007

Nouns That Should Be Celebrity Baby Names

With so many celebrities naming their children unusual names, here are my bids for future possibilities:

13. Chianti. This might be good for the couple wanting to give their child an edge in life. Or maybe just an edgy life. With overtones of Silence of the Lambs or The Godfather it's the perfect name for your future mobster. Christopher Walkin could use it for a daughter.

12. Dioxin. Who cares what it means, it sounds cool. For kicks you could spell it with a y or two. Dioxyn. Maybe Madonna could use it should she decide to adopt another foundling child.

11. Catalina. I've tried to stay away from place names because it's just too easy, but a vision of beaches and the uber-rich comes to mind whenever I slurp up this lovely red salad dressing. Catalina Clooney. Sounds wonderful, rich and tart.

10. Vinaigrette, the follow-up along the same salad-dressing theme. Who wouldn't love this continental masterpiece? If you've read Freakanomics and what Levitt and Dubner have to say about name trends, this one is the one to watch. Or maybe Roquefort. A Francophile like Johnny Depp is sure to snatch this one up.

9. Corvette. More than just a ship or a car, a strong name waiting for the perfect celebrity coupling to jump on it, maybe John Travolta could use it as a sequel to Jet.

8. Rhododendron. Her nickname could be Rhoda--kinda catchy, huh? If you've got a child named Apple, why not Rhododendron? Or Bougainvillea? That's a beauty. Forget the simple horticultural opportunities and go for the truly unique.

7. Viagra. Why more couples aren't using beautiful names like this is beyond me. It's lilting, it's too beautiful to let slip by. Maybe Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones should snatch it up for their next child. So many people make up baby names the same way they do prescription drugs anyway.

6. Apogee. A perfect name for the budding gansta rapper with overtones of greatness. Only I'd spell it Apa G. Pretty cool, huh? P. Diddy could have Apa G Diddy. Or maybe Rappa G Diddy.

5. And for that matter, why not Zenith? I'm sure if Frank Zappa had had more children, he would have used this one. I guess the t.v. guys kind of got to it first.

4. Floridian. A noun AND an adjective, but what the heck, how many celebrities out there know their English grammar? Say it, "Floridian." Sounds like Brad and Angelina have found their next stop on the adoption tour, complete with a name.

3. Syphilis. I know, I know, this one may be a little harder to swallow, but it's just too sweet for words. It sounds Greek, it sounds feminine, it's perfect for a future Hollywood starlet. I'm sure if Tom and Katie wanted to give another daughter a start in life, this would be the key. After the first ten or fifteen years of her life, no one would even think about what it meant before.

2. Flotilla. Flo for short, it's the new Annie. Understated, yet powerful. If only Demi and Bruce hadn't broken up. This is the only thing that would be fit to follow Tallulah.

1. Matrix. Only Matryx. Why hasn't someone jumped all over this one yet? Sounds like a name for one of Keanu Reeves' kids. He'd be born with sunglasses on.

***

17 days left--have you entered the Write Away Contest yet?


More about the Thursday Thirteen meme.

Technorati tags:

116 comments:

Carol said...

Those are hilarious! Syphilis?!

kelli said...

This was so funny! Thanks for making the stop worth my while!!! I have one for ya though...My room mate in college said that there was a girl in her class named....Tampaxia. To me...worse than Syphilis. Happy TT!!

Angel2004 said...

Those are good names. I espically like number 1. And yes driving by your self is fun.

Goslyn said...

Oh. My. Word. You are too funny. Excellent baby naming tips. I'm thinking Viagra Duck has such a lovely ring to it ... I'll just run that one by SuperHubby.

Chuckle chuckle.

kooky kay said...

Viagra? Omigod! I would kill my parents if they gave me that name. Lol!

I'm up! Do drop by!

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Corvette made me think of Beverly Cleary's Ramona Quimby books. She had a doll named Chevrolet.

I like some of those, actually. Believe it or not... but not Viagra. Sorry.

Sandy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sandy said...

Awesome list! My college friends and I often joked that many venereal diseases actually sound like beautfiul names.

Imagine: Hello, I'm Richard Gere, and this is my daughter Chlamydia. Has a nice ring, doesn't it?

Jeana said...

Oh I am cracking up. Viagra as a suggestion for Michael Douglas' child really got me--and Floridian Pitt. Is it a child or a geographical occurance? Why it's both!

Raggedy said...

LOL!
Great list...
I hire you to rename the celebs...hahaha
Have a wonderful Thursday.
Mine is up 2

Veronica Mitchell said...

Believe it or not, Catalina actually made the top 1000 names for girls last year. It was 661st.

How about gun names for the children of action movie stars? Colt, Derringer and Wesson spring to mind.

Chickadee said...

I think I've actually seen a Catalina once. Hehe.

My 13 are up.

Chelle Y. said...

I would not be surprised if celebrities started naming their children these names. :)

Janet said...

*snort* this cracked me up LOL! There's a maid named Catalina on the tv show My Name Is Earl.

Mama Duck said...

Ha, some of those might actually work.... kinda scary... ;)

Rashenbo said...

OMG! I had to read these out loud to my husband.... Rhododendron... that's my favorite. I wonder if I can make a character with that name... hmmmm

Isn't Catalina a character on My Name is Earl? Looks like someone beat you to the punch on that one!

Hey, regarding your contest, have you sent the info to competizone? They list blog contests for bloggers. Didn't know if you've heard of them or not.

scribbit said...

Thanks for the tip, I'll google them right now.

Laughing Muse said...

Oh good heavens - don't encourage them!!!

I can just see it now: some celebrity couple names their kid after some prescription drug's brand name, the kid grows up to be either a bad apple or to take a stand against the drug, and the pharma company sues.

(Though any pharmaceutical name would be pretty much out for Tom Cruise's kids...)

Missy said...

LOL Absolutely hilarious! I love this list — great job!

Susan said...

this is a riot Michelle - I esp. liked Apa G - happy new year! Great TT, as always :)

Mel said...

Those are brilliant!
I especially love the idea of "Bougainvillea" for the Martins.
Heh.

LZ Blogger said...

# 11 was my favorite... could be an Island or a Salad Dressing or even a child of the 21st. century! ~ jb///

tiggerprr said...

How funny! :)

Joan said...

Thanks for a good laugh after midnight! This is just TOO clever. I hope we never hear of a syphilis, although I agree that the word is too pretty for its meaning. My TT is also posted.

Angelo said...

LOL! Great list, I'm not so sure about Syphilis and Viagro though? Happy T13 :D

Di said...

Dioxyn...I think that's my blood pressure med! And I'm only 44. Ugh.

I think if I was being honest I would have named my children Gin Rummy and Merlot...the two catalysts for each conception!

Incog & Nito said...

Love this list - you do realise that if any celebs swing by this page these names will be in the top 10 by the end of the year!!

Mikala said...

Those are good - I'll be surprised if someone doesn't name their kid one of these soon.

Happy TT!

Le laquet said...

Lol!!! Excellent TT ... Chianti made me laugh out loud. Like Chardonnay in the delightfully trashy Footballer's Wives.

Laura said...

babaha
oh the stories i could tell...
okay chianti and catalina i have seen.
the most recent best....placentia!
seriously!
thanks for visiting my tt this week.

suki said...

LOL. That is hilarious. :) Allegra too! :P

DaisyMae Maus said...

When my mom was being born, there was a little girl born at about the same time. Her momma named her "Eureen" ... but, wait for it, spelled it "Urine" ...
DMM

Christine said...

Those are hilarious Michelle!
Rhododendron and Chanti are my favorites.

Happy TT!

Sanni said...

LOL - Excellent TT!
A girl next door is named Viara... just the "g" is missing

Happy New Year from Germany,

San

P.S.: Please visit my TT - Thanks a lot =)

Nathalie said...

I love those names!! :D
Happy TT!

Thomma Lyn said...

This absolutely cracked me up. Thanks for the belly-laughs!

Happy TT, and mine's up, if you'd like to drop by.

Knitting Maniac said...

Dude! Perfection. Loved it.

Thanks for stopping by!

Andrea said...

You probably shouldn't encourage the celebrities. Remember these children have to live with names like this!! LOL!

happy TT

Samantha said...

OMG I'm dying over here! LOL These names are too friggin' funny!!
My TT is up as well :) Not so amusing though LOL
http://doubletwintrouble.blogspot.com/2007/01/thursday-13.html

Char said...

What a list? I actually know a girl named Catalina - sweet as can be.

All you have to do is read a list of your kids classmate's names and you will see that none of these names is really all that far fetched.

Cheryl said...

All I can say is...yuck! I prefer old fashioned and common names! lol

ChupieandJ'smama said...

That's a great list. Gave me a chuckle first thing in the morning. I wouldn't be surprised to see a few of those names on celebrity tots in the future.

Steve G said...

You gave me my first good laugh of the day.

mistihollrah said...

Too funny! Love the list! Thanks for visiting my site!

rocks in my dryer said...

Okay, "Syphilis" just made me laugh out loud...

Retta said...

ROFL ~ well I guess I wasn't the only one with baby names on my mind this morning.

Barbara H. said...

LOL! Very creative. You could be a baby-name consultant for celebrities.

jen said...

chianti is the best.

i also like poem.

sarakastic said...

Ha, I say Ha! My English teacher in high school would always tlel the story of parents who wanted to name their child the most beautiful word in the english language, but they had a simple vocabulary & ended up with dirrarhea. It is a very pretty word I suppose, but poor kid.

Angela/SciFiChick said...

Hysterical! Love them.
Which ones will you be going with?? lol

Darla said...

Thanks for the laugh. I needed it today!

Amy said...

Great list- what a hoot!

my 2 cents said...

I agree, Matrix does sound like a celebrity baby name. I'm surprised no one's used it yet

J said...

WOW...great names. Inspired list, truly.

Ally Bean said...

Yes! What a great idea. Too funny.

Haley-O said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Haley-O said...

7 and 3 cracked me right up! Hilarious! :) Great idea, Michelle! Here's one: Rubella. Like it? ;)

Barbara said...

This is one of the funniest lists I've seen. Don't think I'd want a child to have to go through life with any of those names.

Tisha said...

*LOL* @ your list!!
Great job.

Thanks for stopping by.

J Fife said...

My husband is sure Levitra will be the new Emma.

Judy Callarman said...

Oh, what a hilarious list! These are indeed good ideas. Once I heard about a couple who named their daughter "Porcelain Latrine." That's supposedly true! Thanks for a good laugh.

Judy Callarman said...

And....I once had a student named Turna Paige.

Stacie said...

You are sheer genious! I loved reading this...Great TT, I played too. Stacie

~Kathryn~ said...

omg - i laughed from the first one to the last one
definately have to go with the changed spellng mayrix ... just too cool
thanks for dropping by my T13 !!

The Shrone said...

I've always thought that Chlamydia would be a very pretty name for a little girl. The root of the word is Greek and means a mantle worn by women.

Sis Melis said...

I was actually experiencing this same conversation with some friends. And I got all worked up about some of the names people are using these days and what is so bad with names like Heather, Rachel, Mark, Jeremy. I like them...you don't have to ask the parents if their baby is a boy or a girl. But one of the girls I was talking with dropped a huge bomb. She actually knew a girl in her high school named...Klitora...pernouns...Kli Tor a...... So I have to admit, for all of the baby Apples, Jet, and Phenius.....Klitora takes the cake. Well, maybe not...the star from "My Name is Earl" named his son Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee.

Lisa said...

You crack me up! That was awesome! Apa G? hahahahahhah Loved it.

Thanks for the laugh. I needed it.

Christine said...

Can't stop laughing!! These are awesome! Thanks for stopping by my site. :)

Debby said...

Awesome list! I just love Viagra...I think our next child will have that name! ;)
Happy Thursday and thanks for visiting!

alisonwonderland said...

funny, funny! i just had to come read this when i saw it on the TT site! happy thursday!

gem said...

Great post. Very funny stuff. Hitchcock used to say leprosy would make a nice name for a girl!

Melissa said...

Very funny! Did you come up with these on your own? Thanks for stopping by my TT.

kristarella said...

Don't mind Chianti and Corvette... Could also do Nissan, Chevrolet, Parmesan...

she said...

Funny list - but someone distressing too. I can actually picture some celeb out there choosing a name off your list (Chianti maybe) or something equally asinine.

Geekwif said...

Oh...my...gosh. Those are too stinkin' hilarious! I read them to my hubby and we both got a great laugh out of them!

L-Girl said...

I LOVE your idea here! It's funny!

Leah said...

totally hilarious...Rho? for Rhododendron..has a nice sound to it...wher did you get all these ideas? How about Thursday..I'm sure there are names from days of the week and even months. nickname could be Tee-13..ha!ha!

Gina said...

Funny T13! =P If you came up with a baby names book, it will be a seller =P!
Thanks for dropping by!Happy Thirteening!

Tink said...

Haha, thank you for this funny list! *LOL*
Thanks for visiting my TT.

IzzyMom said...

Floridian??? Acccckkk! Never, NEVER should anyone disgrace their child by naming them after this godforsaken place!!!

Sunflower said...

Great list! Thanks for sharing!

Thanks for stopping by my Sunflower blog and supporting me!
Welcome back anytime.

I will Exercise for Comments!
Sunflower

Caylynn said...

LOL! Hilarious! :D Some celebrities do give their children rather odd names.

Thanks for the laughs and thanks for stopping by!

Rachel said...

I LOVE these names! Rhododendrum reminded me of the great children's book Chrysanthemum (the main character's first name). Love it!

Joely Sue Burkhart said...

What a great list!!!

Carmen said...

i know someone that named her dog after a beer, so I won't mention the "chianti" name to her. :)

edj said...

ROFL! You think you're being funny, but I know actual children named Scholastica and Quintessence. Yep.

Have you seen that website called "Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing?" It will make you cry with laughter and will eat up most of your free time.

Pam said...

Hilarious! My favs are Chianti,and Matrix. Syphillis is a little too disgusting for me but I agree it is too cool a name to be given to a STD!. Thanks for stopping by my site!

Shalee said...

With a name like Shalee and with kids with equally odd names, really I have no comment other than this is absolutely one of the best posts I've ever read.

And I do know a real-life Corvette and a Tylenol. The birth mom saw it and when trying to name her boy and it just stuck.

And, that my friend, was worse than growing up with Shalee. I think that's when I first started liking my name.

scribbit said...

There's been enough comments it's hard to keep up with the thread but it seems to be the consensus that there are a lot of odd names out there. Urine? Tylenol? Quintessence? Tampaxia? Rubella? Chardonnay? Where will it end?

And yes, I've read Chrysanthemum and it's one of my favorite kids' books. Along with the rest of Kevin Henkes' work. If you haven't read them, check them out. They'll give you a chuckle.

Damselfly said...

90 comments?!

Anyway, I seem to remember the word/name Chutney being given to a character in the first Legally Blonde movie. I think Chutney was the killer.

~**Dawn**~ said...

this may be my favorite T13 yet! what a fun list! Rappa G Diddy! LOL!

although i was thinking Vinaigrette for Gwyneth's next daughter, Apple's little sister, before I read about Rhododendron!

thanks for stopping by my T13 & leaving a comment! =)

N. Mallory said...

The last time I moved, when I was changing my address with my magazines, the woman on the phone said, "Oh! Metairie! That sounds like a great name for my baby!"


Poor kid.

Tizzie said...

I am firmly of the belief that parents who choose blatently horrific names for their children should be shot. The woman in the maternity ward with me called her daughter Tulula. Tulula Rogers. No bullying in store for that kid at all then!!! I stuck with the oh so traditional Edward...cos I dont hate my son!!!!!!!

Thanks for popping by.

Happy TT!

Pen said...

LOL!! Those are hilarious! Thank you for visiting my TT.

Teena said...

My vote is for Chianti :)

Thanks for stopping by mine.

Marcia said...

This is too cool! Makes me want to have a kid at 56 just to name them.

modmom said...

nice to meet you + your blog.
i saw my nickname on there!
i'm vinaigrette!

allrileyedup said...

This might be the funniest thing I have ever read.

Seriously.

Joy Renee said...

love this list.
i'm always looking for unique names to give my story characters. this serves as a warning it is possible to get too unique. lol.

thanx for visiting.

Andrew said...

Woo hoo! I'm the 100th commenter on this post. Do I win a prize? OK - I have to reveal my identity ... I'm married to Scribbit. But my wife cracks me up and I had to write and say that I loved this post. Very funny stuff.

terra shield said...

Man, what a list...Matryx will surely make the teacher look up while reading the class list :D

I dropped by from the meme blog, by the way :)

Bond said...

I came over from THE COUCH for the CARNIVAL.
Funny post, I actually did one similar to this, only talking about the REAL names these celebrities use...

JAM said...

This is an awesome post.

I think Apogee and Zenith would make great names for the kids of engineers and scientists too.

Syphilis. Viagra. It's probably just a matter of time.

Jessie said...

FUNNY! Visiting by way of the carnival. Thanks for sharing these!!!

Tisha said...

Just as funny to read the second time around! :)
That's fun for the carnival.

Travis said...

Found you through the carnival on Jan 22. Great list!!

Heather in Beautiful British Columbia said...

Yikes, some of those are scary... I do like Chianti though... maybe I'll name my little girl puppy Chianti... sounds just too cute :) I'm here via the carnival - thanks for sharing!

Janie Hickok Siess, Esq. said...

Greetings, Carnival-mate (sounds like we should be on a cruise ship, doesn't it?). That was HYSTERICAL. I am forwarding the link to all my friends. Classic.

Palm Springs Savant said...

very clever...and so witty, made me laugh outloud.

thanks for sharing

Belle said...

LOL, those are so funny! It reminded me of this gothic baby website name I saw once, and they seriously had chlamydia (sp?) listed. Um, okay.

I think you hit the jackpot with this post...I can never come up with anything clever anymore.

Just saying hello via the Bestest Blog carnival.

Karen Shanley said...

Hysterical! You know... I think there's a book in the making here. You should run with it!

Bonnie said...

LMAO...you had me at Catalina! Arrived here by way of the Humor Carnival.

Polliwog said...

Very funny stuff! I came here via the Humor Carnival.

I have to make an admission (hee hee). My oldest child (#1 of six) is named Catalina (after the Island). The name really fits her though and everyone loves it (though she is annoyed when people call her Katrina or Caitlyn). Most importantly, she LOVES her name. Oh yes. My Catalina was born in Alaska too! :-)

Polliwog
http://www.polliwogspond.com/

The Gnome said...

Why not use these names?

After all there was that really nasty piece of work from the Dark Ages called 'Flotilla the Hun'...

Never did him any harm!

busybooklover said...

Doris/ Clitoris. It could happen... someone who isn't a native english language speaker might not know. Ooooh pretty name.

Anonymous said...

Funny post! It's great to find such post about celebrities. You can't do that on the celebrity sites:(