Thursday, January 18, 2007

Things You Can't Do with an iphone

If you happen to be the only human left on the planet who hasn't seen this, Apple introduced their new iphone last week. It sings, it dances, it does almost everything your heart could desire. Here are 13 things you can't (yet) do with this amazing device:

1. Shave. Electrolysis, maybe, shaving no.

2. Hammer nails--I wouldn't recommend it. Though I've heard you can stop bullets if you order the CIA model with the Kevlar Keypad feature.

3. Change a tire. But you can CALL someone who can. So it's practically the same thing.

4. Start a fire. Hmmmm . . . a Bic lighter on the side would come in handy.

5. Dice, chop, slice, julienne or chiffonade. But I hear Martha Stewart has contacted Apple about becoming a spokeswoman so who knows?

6. Babysit your kids. A baby-monitor feature wouldn't be a bad thing. Or maybe if your kids' had microchips implanted in their hips Jason-Bourne-style Apple could work this feature in.

7. Dispense Pez. And this is the reason I don't have one, I'm holding out for the candy.

8. Become cooler than Jack Bauer. It'll take more than one of these nifty babies to do that. Even Apple can't perform the impossible.

9. Launch a missile. But this could just be a cover-up because word is President Bush has ordered a red model with the DEFCON 4 feature and the Defense Department is forbidding Apple from selling iphones to North Korea.

10. Make Tom Cruise disappear. And the trouble is, with an iphone he's never more than a phone call away.

11. Control global warming--and Al Gore is therefore calling for a boycott on all Apple products.

12. Find Osama Bin Laden--but the word is he wants one, complete with an ringtone that plays "Fat Bottomed Girls."

13. Use as a Personal Flotation Device. Don't try it because it just doesn't float. Not yet.

***

2 days left--have you entered the Write Away Contest yet?


More about the Thursday Thirteen meme.

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26 comments:

Laughing Muse said...

Apparently, you can't sign up with Cingular yet as an iPhone-using customer...even though Cingular is currently the only ISP available.

So it's a twofer: you can't sign up with anyone but Cingular, and you can't even sign up with Cingular (yet).

The Cingular techs and salespeople must be simultaneously grinning at each new sale, and cursing Steve Jobs for announcing it before they were 100% ready...

JohnH985 said...

Give them enough time and they'll probably come up with ways it can do all the things you listed.

My 13 are up.

Zeus said...

#14: Change your litterbox with the press of a button.

If it had that, I'd have bought one the moment it came out.

Thank you for the laughs! Happy Thursday to you!

my 2 cents said...

All very, very true! A great list

amy said...

Thats a good list....very true indeed

Danger said...

HA HA HA HA!! Thanks for the laugh, that was cute!

Darla said...

LOL! Well, then, it's practically worthless! I hadn't actually seen this yet--one of the benefits ... er... consequences of being out of the country and not getting TV commercials.

Celfyddydau said...

you need to see this

http://www.biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=1326

you can do a lot of those things according to the spoof. It's so funny.

Haley-O said...

funnnnyyyy!!! :) I'm getting one!!!!! 'Cept, it's really too bad they don't babysit your kids....They'll have to start working on that one....

Cheryl said...

I haven't see those yet. I'm way out of the loop! It looks really neat though. Wonder how much it costs. Maybe a first born?

girlymama said...

yup. nothing is as cool as jack bauer.

Jane said...

OH, I wish you could make Tom Cruise disappear. If he doesn't quit acting so bizarre, he will make himself disappear!
My T13 is up, come on by.

J said...

Hmmm. I heard that phones can start fires, but that it might be in your pants, so they might not want to advertise that fact too much.

I want my phone to pay my bills. And not with MY money, by the way. When they make one that does that, sign me up.

Christie said...

hahaha you're too funny! although i'm not sure about the fire thing, that guy out in california whose cell phone caught fire could have had an iphone!

Caylynn said...

Fun list! Thanks for the grins and the laughs. It would be nice if it could actually do some of the things on your list!

Happy T13. :)

Pen said...

LOL...Cute list! I especially like "become cooler than Jack Bauer"! :)

My TT #4 is up!

Mert said...

Oh my garsh, you are hilarious! I love your 13. Happy TT!

Waya said...

My hubbie is drooling over this. But at that price tag, that's a lot of diapers!! I do have to admit that Apple comes out with the coolest products.

allrileyedup said...

"Fat Bottomed Girls"?

Classic!

Angela/SciFiChick said...

As for Zeus' comment, if it did that.. I'd buy one for my roomate!
Her room reeks.

Anyway, cool phone.. I want one.

Heather said...

Hilarious! I liked the ninja, too! Great list!

Gina said...

Just you wait ! =)
Thanks for dropping by!

stefoodie said...

If they can make one that changes a baby's diapers, they'll sell a billion of these units just like that!

chelle said...

hehe that was cute. I am an Apple Geek so news of the IPhone was exciting!

Wylie Kinson said...

How did I miss this TT? It's hilarious!! I'll share it with my Mac-addict hubby.

Damselfly said...

Chiffonade?

I am sending your list to my iPhone-drooling friend....