Thursday, February 15, 2007

What it Means to Be Married to an Attorney

Law and Order's Jack McCoyMarriage to Andrew is wonderful. But I've learned a few things about attorneys after 15 years. Here's what living with one means:

1. Instead of him saying, "D'uh" I get a lot of "Res Ipsa Loquitur" (the thing speaks for itself). Like Latin will help the situation any.

2. If I want to talk a bit? With another adult? Well that billable hour thing is a killer.

3. Forget Superman, Winston Churchill or FDR, his hero is Jack McCoy.

4. Everything is "privileged information." You'd think I lived with a CIA agent--or maybe I do and I just don't know it. When I ask about details of his day I get a lot of "I'd tell you but I'd have to bill you." Fine, put it on my tab.

5. He wants everything in writing. And notarized. If I tell him he's free to go fishing for the weekend, suddenly there's a paper for me to sign. And initial here, here, here, here and here.

6. He answers many questions by thoughtfully considering "What Would Rehnquist Do?"

7. "Do you want to go out with me Friday night?" has become "If the party of the first part, hereinafter Andrew, and the party of the second part, hereinafter Michelle . . . "

8. He tries to win all arguments by saying, "Well according to the case of . . . " And the worst part of it all? He could be making it up for all I know.

9. And if that doesn't work he threatens an appeal--as if there's a higher court than me.

10. We don't have family councils or family meetings. We have family depositions.

11. He won't do anything until he's read all the fine print. Those McDonald's monopoly pieces? He reads the backs for the rules and bylaws. Even the tiniest print.

12. ESPN? Forget it, he'd take C-SPAN any day. For goodness sake, we met over the Clarence Thomas hearings.

13. But where other wives have to deal with husbands reading girly magazines, all I have to live with is pin-ups of Sandra Day O'Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I'm okay with that.

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49 comments:

Rashenbo said...

Doesn't everyone love McCoy? He's much better than the previous L&O attorney! :) This is a very entertaining list and thank you for sharing. He sounds delightful honestly!!! :)

Have a lovely Thursday.

Di said...

Don't EVER get a divorce!!! He's sounds ominous!

K T Cat said...

As if there's a higher court than me -- LOL!

Kim said...

I married into a family of attorneys. My husband isn't one of them, but I am very familiar with the "wanting everything in writing" clause. Fun TT! Thanks for sharing!!

Gattina said...

Lol ! you made me laugh this morning ! You are very lucky, you have an attorney at home, I would have to hire one !

Carinne said...

Isn't all this information protected by spousal priviledge? I'd be careful if I was you...

Raggedy said...

ermm, ummm, you better stay away from my Thursday Thirteen this week. I appologize in advance if you do go anyway.
Terrific Thursday Thirteen!
Have a wonderful day!
Happy TT'ing!
*^_^
(=':'=)
(")_ (")Š
Raggedy

jchevais said...

As an "assistant" to lawyers in a big law firm, I'm sorry, I can't help but shudder. Nothing personal for your Andy but the lawyers I know (who, incidentally don't plead or anything; they are stock market, "make rich companies richer", M&A people) are... a bit full up on themselves.

Or course, that could be because:

a) the blokes that I work for are French where hierarchial rifts are rife; or

b) the company might be a bit overproud.

Dunno. Sometimes I really wonder how the hell I got hired when I'm so obviously not their standard form. THE DIRTY LOOKS I GET WHEN I LAUGH? Chilling.

However I do love pinning up drawings around the office in out of the way spots. That's fun.

The Late Bloomer said...

I'm kinda scared of lawyers... Does that make me strange? In the few times I had any run-ins with them, they all had a way of making me feel inferior, but that's probably my own hang-up. Of course, I know there are some nice ones out there -- I do have one friend who is a lawyer, but she's a gal! -- so you must have scored one of the few...

OK, maybe that was uncalled-for. Thorry...

I do really like L&O and McCoy, though. Does that count?

Carmen said...

ha! an appeal! Clearly, someone needs to tell him that there is no higher court than that of a woman. :)

Caylynn said...

What a fun post. :) I'm not married to a lawyer, but an army officer, so I can identify with #4, but on a slightly different level. There have been times where my husband hasn't been able to tell me what he's going at work, for very legitimate reasons!

Happy T13. :)

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

What's worse sports nut or lawyer? Close tie.

Uisce said...

LOL, I loved that! hey, I watch c-span... but then I do with I'd gone to law school, so go figure! happy TT, mine's up!

Mama of 2 said...

I have to add my love for Jack McCoy as well. I think he's a great character and the actor who portrays him is exceptional.

As for the rest of it...well I'd be holding up a sign that either said "bill me" or "I'm not talking without my attorney present"

Shannon said...

LOL! Too funny.

And who doesn't love McCoy?

Happy T13.

la bellina mammina said...

That's so funny!

Christie said...

hahahaha! 5 and 6 crack me up!!! great list! happy tt!

Damselfly said...

A pinup of Ginsberg? O'Connor would be OK, but if it was my husband, I'd have to draw the line at Ruth.

chelle said...

hehe what a great list ... I may have to do this for my chemist husband!

Babystepper said...

Absolutely hilarious!! You are a very, very funny woman! You're husband sounds great. I'm married to an engineer, and his career personality definitely affects our lives, too.

Julie Q. said...

Very witty stuff. I think Gabie would get along well with your husband. He's an attorney in training. I'm surprised he doesn't charge me billable hours for our many mom vs. 5-year-old stubborn child debates.

wayabetty said...

That's funny Michelle and I'm all over Jack McCoy too. We just love Law & Order around here.

So, did he "serve" you when he wanted to ask you to marry him?! ;-)

Hsien Lei said...

lolol I saw this post at the WSJ law blog and thought of you.

MommyWithAttitude said...

Oh this is so funny!

An Ordinary Mom said...

Thanks for the chuckles!

Amy W said...

So, does he do wills?

:)

Ally Bean said...

I can't stop laughing. I'm married to a lawyer and I'm right there with you-- especially on 5, 10 and 11.

Most of it I can take in stride, but the cross examination of things that I say casually is what gets me crazy. We really don't have to get to the bottom of everything that I babble about.

Mike said...

You have depositions at home? Very funny.

Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/

L^2 said...

LO!! What a fantastic list! And I have to agree - who doesn't love Jack McCoy?
Happy TT! :-)

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Michelle, that's a HOOT. I'm glad you've kept your sense of humor (or developed it, lest you do something you'd regret); I don't know that I could handle such a man.

Kuanyin said...

Uh...do you mind sharing? Just kidding...it's nice to have an in-house lawyer!

angie said...

Ha ha ha! #5 is the best!

girlymama said...

hilarious!!

my best friend is a lawyer, so it is totally normal to be in the middle of a phone call with her and hear, "...and then I thought we'd go to the... 'bye. click." and get hung up on.

Haley-O said...

Too funny! I'm not married to a lawyer, but I'm married to a guy who has a father and sister for lawyers, so I can relate!!

Molly said...

Well, I can't relate as I'm married to an unemployed full time student. Hopefully before TOO long I can post about living with a medical professional...

I'm doing Thursday Thirteen now too! What a cute thing, thanks for sharing.

peppylady said...

A good job on being a runner up "Best Commenter" for love blog awards.

Sandy said...

So I bet he knows a lot of good "Lawyer" jokes, huh?

Oh, and this is probably too much information, but I've always found Jack McCoy to be extremely sexy. I don't know what it is about him, but he can cross-examine me anytime!

Heather said...

Too funny!!!

Christine said...

You've got a wonderful sense of humour. Love the fact that you have family depositions AND that he THINKS there's a higher court that you! Brilliant! Have a great weekend.

Le laquet said...

Lol!! So ... when are you going to become a judge?

Dragonheart said...

You have a great sense of humour. :) Thanks for the grins.

Thanks for visiting and have a good day!

Mert said...

Giggles! You really cracked me up with this one! I can't even begin to say which one I liked the most. excellent list!

I should do a list of what it's like to married to an IT guy. LOL!

Blog Bloke said...

Heh, this post reminds me of why I no longer practice law (because I got so good at it I no longer needed the practice).

Now that I've been out of it for a few years I'm starting to speak like a human again.

So to go against the grain, NO I don't like McCoy for reasons already stated (Res Ipsa Loquitur).

Damn, old habits really are hard to break.

Cheers!

...BB

carmen said...

MY hero is Jack McCoy!

(Stupid blogger doesn't recognize me - I'm over at www.momothescreamingmasses.typepad.com)

----- Alison Mewer Cowan ----- said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
----- Alison Mewer Cowan ----- said...

That is hilarious! Thanks for the laughs! My husband is a nuclear engineer - I may need to make a top 10 of living with him. You've inspired me!

Sarah said...

I've been married to a lawyer for only six years, but that "Res Ipsa Loquitur" thing struck a nerve. Give a man a little Latin and he thinks he rules the world. This is a great list - my hubby isn't this bad yet but I'm guessing in 15 years he'll be getting our McDonald's receipts notarized. Scary glimpse into the future...

Anonymous said...

those are all funny... but the reality of being married to an attorney is anything but funny. wound too tight, mood swings, unbelievably LONG hours, little to no vacation, blackberry use, blackberry use, blackberry use, "i'll be home by 7" REALLY means, "i'll leave the office at 7, inevitably run into traffic, stop at the liquor store on the way home", and he walks through the door at 8:15 pm, kids are already in bed, and i'm ready to pass out from exhaustion, but stay up long enough for him to change out of his suit, put his trial bag and briefcase away, heat up dinner, go to the bathroom, check his blackberry half a dozen times, then give him a kiss goodnight. please tell me i'm not alone!

Anonymous said...

You are not alone! I could have posted that last comment myself. Not to mention the multiple charity boards that take up a lot of what little time my husband has left. It is a very stressful profession. There is a reason they are ranked #1 for depression with a high rate of suicide and alcoholism.