People I'd Like to Interview and What I'd Ask

Now the question with a list like this is: living or dead? I’m going to go with living because the dead angle opens it up way too much though I’ll be frank, there really aren’t many celebrities or public figures I have interest in meeting. Making the list doesn’t necessarily mean I’m a fan of the person—though I have no interest in interviewing someone who seems unpleasant or someone with whom I’m sure to have disagreements—it just means that they’d be interesting to talk to perhaps. For a short period. Over dinner. And maybe dessert.

1. J.K. Rowling. Okay if I were to have interviewed her BEFORE Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows came out I wouldn't have asked her anything about what was going to happen. I'd just pretend the book wasn't even around and ask about everything but the book. This would be my ploy to weird her out enough to drop her defenses and then I'd move in for the kill by surprising her suddenly with (and I'm just making this up, no spoilers here) "You must have felt horrible when you killed off Ron and Hermoine . . . " just to see if she'd take the bait and say, "Oh, but I didn't kill them off----WHOA! Hey wait a minute! That was pretty tricky! You can't tell anyone, okay?" Yea, I'd try to trick her into revealing stuff. Very sly, very sneaky of me.

2. Hilary Clinton. I actually wouldn't ask her anything. It would be kind of funny to not really ask her anything, it would probably irritate her a great deal and I can see her saying finally as we're getting close to dessert, "Aren't you going to ask me anything?" to which I'd thoughtfully take a bite of my pasta and say, "Okay, sure . . . so how's Chelsea doing?" I'm just a stinker I know but it would be kind of funny to irritate her like that. I wonder if she'd get angry and burst out under the strain of being ignored--the way Jack McCoy can rile defendants on the stand until they finally burst out in a murderous rage, convincing the jury that they really are, in fact, the killers in question.

3. The Pope. Just because I’d be interested in his take on things. Plus though I’m not Catholic he seems like a good and decent man who influences a lot of people. What to ask? Honestly, I'd ask him what he thinks about God and how he feels his prayers are going. Cheeky of me and of course I'd never be so rude as to ask in that way but I'd be interested in his answers. If he’s busy I’d take the Dalai Lama over dim sum. It would be interesting to meet someone who is suppose to be diety incarnate.

4. Seth Godin. Because I'm a blogger. Because I care what he'd have to say about my blog. I know I know, terribly insecure and self-conscious but if you're going to go out to dinner with one of the biggest Movers and Shakers on the Net you might as well get your money's worth. I'd ask him for an evaluation and pick his brain for ideas then I'd ask him which blogs he reads and why he reads them. It would be interesting I think.

5. Harry Connick, Jr. I saw him on David Letterman one time and he was the funniest thing ever. Cracked me up completely and struck me as a modern day Prince Charming who can sing. Down to earth and funny and as normal as a Hollywood life could hope to be, which isn't really saying much but there it is. What would I ask him? I'd ask him to sing "Recipe for Love" for me.

6. President Bush. This is probably a given but I’d like to be able to talk without cameras or secret service or media and see what he’s like one-on-one. I know what his image is but that’s been filtered through so many sound bytes and edits that I’d like an hour to see him for myself and ask his opinion on all sorts of things: Donald Rumsfeld, the upcoming Presidential election, his daughters, his family, the media, his favorite movies, the cool stuff about being President . . .I'd probably also want to ask him who his hero is. Just curious.

7. The guy who came up with the Mac v. P.C. commercials. I love those and whoever came up with them deserves dinner on me. I bet they’re great at quoting movies. The biggest question in my book would be, “Any idea why on earth Microsoft hasn’t got a clue and come up with a funny rebuttal commercial to poke fun and get their image back?” Of course the supreme irony is that I'm typing these words on my Dell laptop. Ugh.

8. Ellen DeGeneres. She’s the funniest thing there is—I’d be interested to meet her off-camera. Sorry Oprah, not interested, you take yourself a little too seriously. The only problem in interviewing Ellen might be if she were to ask if I watch her show and oddly enough I have not which would be embarrassing to admit. I actually don’t watch t.v, we don’t even have cable, and unless she appears on the Amazing Race (my one guilty pleasure) I’ll never see her. What to ask Ellen . . . I don't know that I'd ask her much but I'd probably waste her time quoting a lot of lines from Finding Nemo. That movie cracks me up. "Are you my conscience?" or "Es-CAP-ay--Hey that's funny it looks just like the word 'escape!'"

9. Neil Armstrong. That would be cool. I’d tell him to bring his moon rocks. But it just dawned on me that Mr. Armstrong may not be alive anymore. I don’t think I've heard of his passing but I’ll have to Google it to be sure—if he’s still alive he’d definitely be on the list. What would I ask him? I'd ask him if he wrote his "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" speech on the flight up there or if it just came to him. Just curious.

10. A soldier in Iraq. Any soldier who’s had a lot of experience there and probably in Special Ops. I’d like to talk and see what his or her take on the situation there is. I’ve heard a lot of the media’s interpretation of events and I’d like to have an hour to talk to someone who has been in the thick of things to give me their opinion on matters. But mostly about things relative to the Iraqi people--what they're feelings are about the last five years, what they think about the Americans, what they're hoping for in the future. Nothing really original but perhaps a little more interesting that what I'm getting on the six o'clock news.

11. Candace Olson/Samantha Brown. As I said we don’t have cable but when I go to the gym I time it so I can watch Divine Design and get my Candace Olson fix. Or Great Hotels with Samantha Brown. In fact, Candace if you’re busy I’d be happy to talk with Samantha. She seems pretty sweet. I'd ask Candace what to do with my fireplace mantel decorating and would ask Samantha if I could have her job. That's all.

12. Malcolm Gladwell. He wrote The Tipping Point and Blink and I’d love to talk with him. Besides the fact that he seems to know everyone I’d love to see what’s on his plate next and have his ear for an hour or two. I'd ask him who the most interesting person he's ever met was and go from there, maybe follow up with what his favorite book is.

13. The Ninja. You know, the Ask a Ninja ninja? He’s the funniest thing on the net. I’d love an interview and I’d bring the fortune cookies. I’d ask him “Was your mom a ninja?” “Do ninjas have retirement benefits?” “Do ninjas vote?” “When did you start wearing your mask?” and “Do ninjas keep pets?” Important things like that.

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