Words I Mispell

There have been times when I've made it sound as if I had a terrific memory and I mentioned a while ago that I'd memorized a few things but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm a great speller. I've been speaking English for over 35 years now and apparently there are still a few words that just haven't sunk in yet. I need some more time and then I'll finally get the hang of things.

And as a side note: someone told me that they don't have spelling issues in Finnish because the language is entirely phonetic. I'd believe it--I mean I've never mispelled "Nokia" so it must be true. The Finns are onto something.

So before I forget--here are 13 words I ALWAYS mispell. I mean misspell.

1. Diarhea. Don't think I'm being gross, there's actually a real explanation here. Years ago I used to work at the National Archives back in D.C. on this project called the Economics of Aging where the health, military and medical records of all the Union Civil War veterans were catalogued and compared. You wouldn't believe how many times I've typed the words "dysentery," "piles," "ague," "rheumatism" and "diarrhea" in my life. You'd think after the 24,678th time I would have got it down properly but I still have to think about it. And I'd rather not.

2. Ghandi. Just because the man was one of the greatest world leaders ever doesn't mean that I can spell his name. I picture it, I think about it, I mentally pronounce it and I still come up short. Ha! Short! That would describe it. Besides isn't it actually written in Hindi or some other dialect that doesn't use the English alphabet so it's really quite subjective anyway--kind of like the Gadafi/Qadafi thing? Or am I just making excuses here?

3. Rythm. Something about the way this word looks throws me off. The H next to the Y next to the T just messes me up and I have to think hard to spell this one correctly. Darn Greeks.

4. Vaccuum. Somewhere along the line I got convinced that there were two Cs next to two Us and it's been downhill since then. I've been told nature abhors a vacuum and I've always known why--you can't spell it properly.

5. Developement. And judgement. It's the Es, every time. Why on earth should I have to drop the Es just because it's got some kind of ending on it? I've messed this one up so many times that I can't remember which way is correct and I go back and forth, second guessing myself and trying to remember which way it was that I told myself was the wrong way the last time.

6. Athelete. This one just looks like it screams for an extra E. It seems to me---in my warped and twisted mind--that this word is like "colonel" where you don't hear that extra syllable. Only there is no extra syllable. Just one in my mind. Hmmmm . . . odd.

7. Embarass. Oh the irony of the word. As in I should be! You see, about the time I started blogging I kept getting this annoying red line appearing under the word embarass or embarassment and I thought, "Dumb program--doesn't know a perfectly good word when it sees one." It finally occurred to me to stop and look it up and lo and behold I discovered that they've recently modernized the spelling or something because now it has 2 Rs! Imagine that! Why go and change a perfectly good word to one with more letters? So much for orthographic economy. But I've had a hard time breaking old habits and I still forget occasionally and spell it in the outdated way, the way it--ahem--used to be spelled.

8. Acommodate. See? Another case of orthographic economy--why waste an extra C when one will do perfectly well? Look at legitimate, respectable words like recommend. One c. My motto: if you can't hear it I don't have to spell it. Of course I suppose that breaks up my logic with the whole "athelete" issue.

9. Catalogue/dialogue. I don't know that this one counts. Maybe I've spent too much time with Jane Austen and other outdated Brits but I tend to spell things the old-fashioned--or British--way. Not that the two are equivalent. Towards rather than toward, honour rather than honor, etc. I suppose it's the written equivalent of faking a sophisticated accent. Indeed!

10. Foilage. Now this one totally isn't my fault. Really! I come from a family that has their own cannon of mispronounced words (find a few of them here) and I grew up hearing this one mangled so frequently that what do I do when it comes times to write it? I write it as I hear it. At least I've been able to straighten out the whole salivate/salivatate issue--with help from my therapist.

11. Sergant. And leiutenant. What is it with the French military words? Are they trying to systematically infiltrate and destroy my spelling? Seargeant is one where I have to stop, think hard, and say it the way it's spelled, not the way it's pronounced just to get through it. I think "ser-GEE-ANT" when I come to this one. Kind of like camouflage. I had that as a spelling word back in fifth grade and ever since then I mentally pronounce it "cam-ow-FLAY-GEE" just to keep it straight (though I try to avoid saying it that way out loud--you get stares. And they're not in admiration). Thanks Frenchies, thanks a lot.

12. Wierd. Can't get it right, nope, miss it every time. Thank goodness for spell check. It's probably all those times "i before e except after c or when sounding as a as in 'neighbor' and 'weigh" was drilled into me as a kid. Where's your rule now, huh? Where's i before e now I ask? I vote to change this little ditty to say, "i before e except after c or when sounding as a as in 'neighbor' and 'weigh' and maybe like 'ear' because that seems to be another exception no one talks about."

13. Massachuttes. Does it really matter how this is spelled I ask? I mean, the word is pretty unique, it's not like you're going to wonder, "Now does she mean that there southern state with all the alligators or the New England one with all them Kennedys? They're so darn close in spelling I can't tell!" and I figure as long as I hit the general area the spelling doesn't have to be perfect. It's got like, what, ten, fifteen letters? If I only miss one or two that's still a good, solid 90% correct and qualifies as an A, right?

photo via the Associated Press

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