Monday, March 10, 2008

If You Needed A Better Reason to Be Glad You Aren't Me

I was wearing one of my favorite skirts the other day, my green silk wrap-around (and no, I'm not going into meaningless details, the "wrap-around" part is significant) and it was pretty darn cold outside. As in so cold you can't tell if all your body parts are in the right place cold. I had to load some stuff into my car parked in the driveway so I put on my down jacket, grabbed my gear, took a deep breath and headed out into the wretched temperatures to my minivan.

I struggled, stacks of stuff in my arms, to open the side door then bent over to set my boxes on the floor of the car when a particularly nasty gust of wind whipped down the drive way and around the car.

"I hate this weather!" I thought in my most grumbly mental voice, thinking how unusually cold it was, as I straightened up to shut the door.

But as I did so I happened to glance at my feet on the way up and I noticed, there around my ankles--in a very surreal way---was my beautiful green skirt.

"What's that?" I thought for half a second before realizing that I was having an out-of-clothing experience. Yes, there was my favorite skirt, no longer in the place it was supposed to be, and for those of you who aren't following my delicate language that means I was standing there in the driveway of a nicely landscaped middle-class residential neighborhood with my skirt completely overcome by gravity and my hiney available to meet and greet the elements.

That's about the time the car drove by.

I made a quick grab for it though when you're as tall as I am and when you're standing there as bare as I was the ground seems pret-ty far away. The skirt had come completely untied and it's rather hard to thread silk ties back through the proper places when your fingers are numb.

My big puffy jacket--though unfortunately not a very long puffy jacket--was in the way but I threw the skirt around me as best I could and I did a quick glance around to see who was looking (as if anyone could have missed the show). Nearby windows were empty, probably because they'd rushed off to call the police to report the crazy lady in the puffy pink coat mooning the neighbors.

It must have come untied inside, the gust of wind loosened it enough to drop it and the rest, as they say, is history. It had been so cold that I hadn't felt it go--and it would be the day I'd chosen not to wear a slip because of how badly it bunched with that particular skirt.

Why me? Mother said there'd be days like this . . . though I'm pretty sure she never lost her skirt in front of the neighbors . . . I guess I should be glad I wasn't at Costco or the school or at church. It could always be worse, couldn't it? And in case you were wondering I haven't worn that skirt since, I feel completely betrayed and doubt that I could ever trust it again. Where are warning labels when you need them?

64 comments:

whitetrashmom said...

OMG. HONEY! I am so SORRY! Will it make you feel better if I tell you a girl at a meeting a few weeks ago asked me WHEN I WAS DUE???? I'm not pregnant and I THOUGHT I was lookin' kinda skinny. Seriously, for the grace of God go I----what happened to you WILL happen to me someday, I swear. I hope you have a better week:)

Jeana said...

You just gave "going green" a whole new meaning.

Sheila said...

Yikes!

I gave up wrap skirts quite a while ago. I didn't have anything like that happen but I was tired with fiddling with them and worrying if they were gaping open. :)

John & Laura said...

So you ARE human? Good to know.

Sorry for your embarrassing experience. I hope that eventually you and your beautiful skirt can learn to trust each other again...

katef - www.picklebums.com said...

TO make you feel better I felt compelled to comment and tell you that I flashed my knickers at my DH's grandmother's funeral early this year. I lent over to deposit the baby in the car seat after the burial when a gust of wind blew my skirt up around my ears. I couldn't exactly drop the baby to fix it so there I stood, bottom hanging out the side of our big white van in the middle of the cemetery!
You have to laugh or you cry right?

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

Too funny! Now I'm going to think of this story every time I wear a wrap around skirt.

Carrie K. said...

I flashed an entire dollar store once, when my then four-year-old reached up and pulled the bottom of my shirt with just enough strength to pop all of the buttons open.

Bonnie said...

Yeah, that's pretty bad. If anybody I can relate, I can. You know your last line? "At least it didn't happen to me in...church..." Well, it did, a couple months ago. Skirt around my ankles, in the middle of my lesson, and I had such thick tights on I didn't even know. One of the girls had to tell me.

Mortifying. Good news is, in a couple months you'll get over the nightmares.

Cecily R said...

Wrap around skirts are murder on the self esteem...I've been there. Maybe not so revealingly (is that a word?), but I've been there.

Sorry you were embarrassed, but you DO have a great way of telling the story!

Kathy in WA said...

Out of Clothing Experience!! I loved it.

Thanks for the chuckle.

Adventures In Babywearing said...

So sorry to laugh at your misfortune, but that's a good one! Oh my goodness- hilarious.

Steph

Beth said...

teeheehee...um, I'm laughing WITH you, not AT you!

Edi said...

I loved the phrase "Out-of-clothing-experience"!

Those wrap skirts can be "dangerous" in more than one way. One thing I started doing is pinning the front of a wrap skirt around the knee-ish area with a fancy pin/brooch (kind of like a pin on a kilt) to keep me from having to hold onto the front on windy days.

I actually wore one yesterday minus the brooch and it was a pain to always be aware that it could fly open at any minute.

Robin said...

Bravo, Michelle...Well!Told!!

:)

I'm feeling your pain while laughing with (and, I'm not proud, AT) you! There IS an upside to this: at least you weren't going "commando" (right? you didn't leave out THAT kind of detail, did you????).

And...you reminded me of a funny story that happened to me when I was pregnant with my first baby; if I tell it, I'll letcha know ;).

Funnnny stuff going on in Alaska, that's for doggone sure :).

Marie N. said...

As it was a favorite skirt before it betrayed you, perhaps there is a way to mend your relationship. A few well-placed velcro dots can provide added security, or at the very least that ripping velcro sound would act as an alarm bell warning you in time to stop a repeat performance.

You're so brave. I hate confessing my own embarrassing moments.

Kristen M. said...

Thank you for making my morning.

Melissa Markham said...

You tell a great story:) And it could've been worse...try standing up facing a beach full of people and realizing that the top of your bathing suit has slipped when you got hit by the last wave....

Jacki said...

Now that is the funniest thing I have read in a long time!!

The closest I have come to that is when Emma was younger and thought it was hilarious to either pull my shirt down or lift it up to see mommies "boobies." Always embarrassing when you are in public.

Amber said...

You like to live dangerously, don't you? I used to always wear wrap-arounds in the 90s and without fail, it would always be windy.

You fill in the rest.

Tammy said...

LOL I had one of those experiences with a wrap skirt - when I was in 4th grade. I was very embarrassed--on the playground jumping rope when, whoosh, off came my skirt! I'll be forever grateful to the 6th grade girl who helped me out so quickly hardly anyone noticed! :-)

PS I haven't worn a true wrap skirt since!

Patty W said...

ROFL... at least there wasn't a news crew around or anything!

Poor thing... My sister used to live next door to her inlaws, I was helping her carry groceries from one place to the other and lost my shorts one time! Unfortunately I had an audience! and one time while swiiming in a neighbors pool, I had gone down the sliding board into the water and came up and my whole top had unraveled!!! In front of the dad and everything.... I was so embarrassed !

gotta laugh :)

Chris said...

OMG, I can laugh because I had something similar happen. I wore an elastic waist band skirt (Bohemian style, so pretty) to a very busy park with my 3 yr old. She stepped on the hem, and down she (and the skirt) went. I grabbed for both, but my bloomers were exposed to the world. Luckily, a tree hid most of the incident.

Maria said...

OMG! I'm sorry that happened to you, but boy is that funny! Can you laugh about it now?

angie said...

I can't tell you how much I appreciate this post today simply because it made me laugh. Really hard. Outloud. I'm sorry you had an out of clothing experience that we all have nightmares about, but somehow, I picture YOu doing it with much more grace than I know I would have. :)

Trixie said...

Oh my!!!

I feel so bad for you even though I'm laughing. You know I have to link to this post:)

Take Care,

Trixie

lifemoreabundant said...

Man, that's the kind of story that's great to read about in someone else's world. My condolences. :-)

Beth said...

Well, I give you credit for wearing a skirt at all. Can't remember the last time I dressed in something that sounds so nice.

And it COULD have been worse. The skirt could have blown away...

Shelli said...

ha ha. Oh, dear. I remember once when I was working at a department store in college - we were required to dress up. I got to work, stepped out of my car, and I heard, "rrrrrrip!" My dress had split wide open in the back along the middle seam. It was a long drive home, so in order not to get in trouble, I had to sneak inside and find a manager to tell them I'd be late! As luck would have it, I didn't have to wander all over the store to find someone, I saw a manager as I walked inside.

Bonnie B. said...

Oh dear! That sounds like a bad dream, doesn't it? Nothing worse than an "out of clothing" experience on an "are my body parts in the right place?" cold kind of day. You are so funny! Hope today's better.

Janet said...

I'm still standing in awe of your courage in wearing any kind of skirt, much less silk, in that kind of cold. I don't wear skirts because I have very long legs and a very short upper body that doesn't match, and they just don't work. I have a purple velvet dress that goes past my ankles which I wear with thick black tights and black boots on those few occasions when I have to wear a dress in winter.

Cagey said...

My husband just popped his head down the stairs to see what the hell I am giggling so loudly about.

This is one of the funniest damned things I have read in a long time!

Mamma said...

I'm impressed you went with a silk skirt in that kind of weather. I had a teacher lose her skirt in front of the entire class. She stepped on the hem and the whole thing came down. She hid behind her desk until all the men in the room turned around.

Hope your heiny didn't freeze.

Lisa Milton said...

Yikes. The weather alone makes me weep for you, but skirtless? May today be better.

Simply Stork said...

this can all be summed up with one thought...wrap around skirts=double knots :o)

(I'll try to laugh quietly (lol)

~simply~

Linds said...

I agree that there should be warnings, but oh how I laughed at the mental image I conjured up!(With you, not at you, of course!) I sincerely hope you and your skirt get back together again. Maybe with some extra fastenings????

Robyn Jones said...

OMG that's funny! I'm sorry...I will feel worse for you when I quit laughing...
It sounds like something that would have happened to me...but it didn't so I am enjoying it.....

deborah said...

OOps. sorry, laughing, as you will be, and would be if you were reading someone else's woes. but YES, it could have been worse, it could have blown away, on the car windshield that drove by. NOW THAT would be worse!

deborah said...

OOps. sorry, laughing, as you will be, and would be if you were reading someone else's woes. but YES, it could have been worse, it could have blown away, on the car windshield that drove by. NOW THAT would be worse!

Trachelle said...

Oh Michelle! You poor thing. I must say that I really like your green silk wrap skirt too, so I hope that your trust is restored soon.

Shannon said...

I am laughing out loud! I am sorry for you embarassing moment but Oh my it made for a GREAT story!

laughingatchaos said...

Oh hon! I'm sorry...and completely impressed you were wearing a thin silk skirt in an Alaskan winter. My permanently cold tuchus shudders at the thought. ; )

Ginny said...

I could totally see that happening to me, one reason I don't wear skirts, lol. You had me seriously cracking up, over this one. So sorry! Really better it happened at home & not at the store. That would have been horrifying!

Heather said...

Tee hee! And I thought I was having a bad day...at least my clothes haven't crapped out on me yet.

My Ice Cream Diary said...

"Out of clothing experience" Oh yeah, that is the funniest thing I've heard in a looong time.

I've had my slip drop to my ankles at church, I've had my baby pull my shirt down at church and in the store, and I've had my blouse unbutton in front of a boyfriend's family, but no, I have not bared my hiney to the neighborhood, so you are one up on me with this.

Maybe you could turn that green skirt into a lovely hand bag?

chelle said...

hehe ... a horrific moment that can be looked back upon with a smile.

Irene said...

As humiliating as it was, it still will be a great story to tell in the future.

Vaughanville said...

I'm not laughing AT you...I'm laughing WITH you. Call an ambulance, I think I'm going to die laughing! LOL

Michele

AlaneM said...

Oh man, that was priceless. Thanks for making my day :)
Alane

And I too, am laughing with you. I promise!!

SpokaneMama said...

chuckle chuckle...I'm laughing with you not at you!!

I find it interesting that that post followed your Balloon Buns post...

Am I the only one who found irony in that...not that you have balloon buns...you skinny thing, but you must have felt like it so exposed and all!

Hey, I posted a picture that was emailed me on march 9th. If you get a chance take a peek. I'm wondering if this is true or a crock of moose poop!?

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

Oh, that's too funny. My MIL is Indian by descent, her great grandparents from India...she once had a Sari get caught in an escalator, and you guessed what happened next...it unraveled all over the place. Crazy. Sorry about your skirt.

Caffienated Cowgirl said...

Thanks for the laugh :) It's nice to know that other people have these moments too...it's all about sisterhood! :)

Hazel said...

That is just so ----, what's the word for it?
Hey, is this the first time you've mentioned church in your blog or just the first time I've seen it?

WomensDaily said...

OMG That's something out of a bad dream. Next time I wear a wrap around skirt I think I'm going to staple it together :OP

mumple said...

I'm not laughing at you, honestly. I'm laughing because, while I have never mooned the neighborhood, I have experienced some fairly embarrasing moments, and I can feel your pain.

Even without the slip, at least you were wearing panties, right? (That'd be my luck--the day that happened to me I'd be in a parking lot somewhere, with no panties, either.)

Stephanie @ Keeper of the Home said...

LOL, I'm so sorry, that is horribly embarrassing, and yet so very funny, but I can say that only because I've been there before.

It happened to me in a Safeway parking lot last winter, when the black, knee length skirt I believed to be securely zipped up was not, in fact, zipped up at all. It fell to my ankles as I stepped out of the car, for all the little old men and women, shopping early on a Sunday morning to see. Lovely. I feel your pain!

On a side note, I thought it was a bit ironic that this post was categorized as "family life". :)

Melissa said...

lol... you missed the warning label that said, "Warning, use a DOUBLE knot. Failure to do so will be at the wearer's own risk." ;-)

How embarassing, though! I would've probably dug a hole in the ground just then a buried myself, so I'd say you're handling it rather well. :)

The Estrogen Files said...

(big grin!) I resemble that remark, especially the time I tucked my skirt into the waistband and walked around the mall. Didn't notice the breeze or anything!

You are not alone...

Lis Garrett said...

Oh, Michelle. I had this very thing happen to me when I was in the 8th grade. Mine was a wrap-around held fastened by a button. It came undone, and down went my skirt. Unfortunately for me, I walking in line with a group of people through a room filled with HUNDREDS of other people (for a concert). I can still feel the sting of embarrasment even 15 years later!

my4kids said...

Oh I'm so sorry but I did have to laugh....just a little though, okay?
I remember our prom. It was really windy that day and the dress I wore had a shorter wispy kind of skirt on it. The wind caught it just in front the the place we were going to the prom and the whole skirt went straight up! Oh yes things could definetly have been worse....

Crissybug said...

Thanks for the great laugh at your expense. I know it wasn't too funny at the moment, but hopefully you can laugh at it now.

Damselfly said...

Love it! The same thing happened to me at a church luau. In front of a bunch of church people. Gah! That's the last time I'll trust a sunglass pin to keep my Hawaiian wrap skirt together!

luckyzmom said...

This is the stuff dreams are made of. Like taking your coat off at your locker door at school to find you are still in your pajamas. May the next time your skirt falls off occur in a dream.

cheeky said...

This gave me an incredibly good laugh. Oh to have seen your face. I still can't figure out why you were wearing a wrap skirt in such cold weather. I figured you for denims and a cosy jumper, being that it's freezing and all! Taught you a lesson didn't it!

Anonymous said...

I don't wear wraparound skirts anymore. Years ago, my wraparound skirt blew wide open and straight up!!! There were quite a few people (mostly men) around. It was awful. I have never been so embarrassed in all my life.