Monday, October 06, 2008

Well At Least the Swelling Should Go Down

I'm sure you're sick of me whining and complaining about the traumas of a massive remodel--you might recall that last Thursday I mentioned how the dry wall hangers took three days to finally arrive and do the job? Well on Thursday when they showed up to finish the job they got their come-uppence. I think we're even for all the irritation they've caused.

There were two of them, one was a large, hairy, bearded, chubby, Russian guy. Though I don't actually think he was Russian, for some reason one of the kids heard him talking--probably using words that were so colorful and foreign to their vocabulary they assumed he must be Russian-- and from that point on we called him the Russian.

And then there was his sidekick, Manuel. Actually, his name wasn't Manuel either it was Louis (as in the Spanish version of the name--he was Latino) and if you've ever seen Fawlty Towers on the BBC then you'll get an idea of why we called him Manuel.

When I say he was a sidekick I really mean he was a side - kick because the Russian guy who appeared to the be the boss of the outfit was constantly yelling at Manuel and telling him that he'd done something wrong and pretty much tearing him up verbally. The two of them were constantly at it, with Manuel screwing something up and the Russian cursing at him (luckily the kids were gone most of the day or they would have heard some more words that definitely were not Russian).

I did happen to notice at one point of rather close contact that Manuel's breath smelled strongly of something more potent than your average Coke which probably didn't help his sheet rock hanging abilities any. He'd obviously been drinking but you know with a boss like that I can't say that I blame him. I'd probably drink too.

Anyway, these two were my entertainment for the afternoon on Thursday as I sat blogging at our kitchen counter while they went from room to room patching and hanging the sheet rock, fighting all the way. The kids came home from school and began working on homework at the kitchen table when suddenly the quiet of my internet wanderings was interrupted by a loud Russian "AAAAGGGGHHHH!"

The Russian comes upstairs into the kitchen clutching his finger and says, "Dang! I cut my finger!"

I kind of stared at him for a second, wondering if Manuel had finally had enough and let him have it with a screw driver but then I realized I probably would have heard more noise if that had been the case so I said the only thing to say, "Uh, do you need a bandaid?"

"Yea, if you've got one," he said.

At this point Spencer (always ready to abandon his homework for humanitarian work) popped up from the table and said, "I'll get him a bandaid! I'll do it!" Then he ran upstairs to look for supplies.

As he streaked past I yelled, "Don't forget the Neosporin--he'll need some ointment!"

The Russian ran his finger under the water at the kitchen sink while Spencer was gone looking for the bandaid, all the while moaning, "Oh my finger! Oh my finger! I totally cut my finger!"

Apparently he'd been screwing in the sheet rock and he slipped, impaling his finger on a screw--though I did see the wound and was rather skeptical that his description of events was accurate. It didn't seem like all that much of a cut for a full-on impalement. I'm a mom, I know these things.

Well Spencer came down a minute or so later and gave the Russian a bandaid and a tube of ointment with which he'd soon doctored himself, his finger nicely wrapped up and goopy stuff oozing out the sides.

"Boy!" he said with enthusiasm, "This stuff really works--I've had ointment before but this stuff you can really feel working."

There was a pause as he stared at his finger then he said with slightly less enthusiasm, "Kinda burns."

I looked up from my computer at this point, a little confused and thinking, "I've had Neosporin before and I don't recall having it burn. That's odd. I guess maybe his finger really was cut worse than I thought."

Shrugging I went back to my work but then, as the Russian was heading upstairs I had a suddenly suspicion. Getting up I went to where the tube was lying on the kitchen counter and picking it up I read the label:

Preparation H.

Without a second's thought I yelled up the stairs, "Hey! Wait! That wasn't Neosporin--you've got Preparation H on your finger!" I grabbed a napkin to help him wipe it off before running out to get another bandaid and the real Neosporin. The Russian guy at this point was in a bit of a panic and began scrubbing at his finger as if he'd dipped it in Anthrax or something while I could hear Manuel keeling over in laughter in the background.

"What will that do? What's it gonna do to my finger?" the big guy said with a bit of girly fear in his voice, "Is it bad for it?"

"Oh it'll be fine," I said, watching him continue to scrub. I felt bad about the mistake but come on now man, pull yourself together. Didn't you notice the words on the tube before you squeezed it out? It's not like I gave you a tube of acid or anything. "And besides. I should think that from now you won't have to worry about getting any hemorrhoids on your finger."

He didn't find that funny--but Manuel did.

Just look on the bright side--at least there shouldn't be any swelling, right?

***

And on another less humorous note--it's official. Yup, the unthinkable has happened. It's snowed. Right on the date that they said it would--October 5th. And while I don't think it will stay it does count as "measurable." So Miriama, Kathryn, Motherboard and Andrea please email me at scribbit at gmail.com to claim your prize!

Snow in Anchorage, Alaska
Sponsored by The Fine Art of Family--Fine quality heirloom jewelry by artist Monica Rich Kosann.

Technorati tags: remodeling, motherhood

55 comments:

illahee said...

snow? oh wow, snow! it rarely snows here in fukuoka any more....

littlemummy said...

Great story, I love fawlty towers too, could totally imagine the scenario. hee hee

Robin said...

I love Fawlty Towers, especially Manuel.

As for the Prep H, sounds like karma to me, since he's been such a pain in the _____ to everyone else ;-).

Not even going to think about the snow part...

patty w said...

ROFL... just tell the Russian guy that it will help shrink the wound ! Lol...hahaha

thanks for the early morning chuckle!

Snow...eek...congrats to the winners and sorry about that for you. I am not ready for snow yet! Though it's been quite chilly!

Happy Monday!

Candid Carrie said...

Oh that is good. And a great opportunity to get a little bit of DNA from The Russion. You know, on the off chance something is missing down the road.

Tammy said...

Oh my goodness...too hilarious!!! LOL

Gwendolyn said...

Ha! I am still laughing. You are the first one to get a real, our-loud laugh at me this morning, and I really needed it. Thank you! My husband works in construction, and I can't wait to tell him about this. LOL

Edi said...

What a great story! I'd actually think the Prep H would have started to make his finger feel numb so maybe that is what he was feeling work so well :)

Kathy said...

You retold that really well. I was laughing out loud. I love when he said, "This stuff really works."
I wonder what your son thought after you told him what the mix-up was...
Snow, wow, sorry it's so soon for you. Kathy

Isunji said...

That was too funny!!! It's always the big burly ones too isn't it? LOL!

Have a great day and stay warm.

Lara said...

We had a spectacular frost last night here in southern Utah...so I'm not surprised it snowed for you.

That is funny...these big huge "tough" guys are often anything but tough.

verygoodyear said...

Hilarious! My grandpa is Russian so I was picturing him for this whole story, so the fact that he ended up being kind of a girly-man was even funnier.

JENNIFER said...

I would give a lot to know what Manuel was thinking :) And if he retold the story at dinner that night:)

~TAMY 3 Sides of Crazy~ said...

Michelle thank you for that LMAO recounting of the dry wallers. I needed that morning laugh and being just slightly ahead of you in this remodel can TRULY appreciate it! Our first snow is predicted for the 14th - I guess it's payback for jinxing yours with a guess of the 2nd.

Blessed said...

thanks for the great laugh!

Amy said...

i just burst into laughter! so, so funny.

thanks for the funny this morning!

Mrs. Who said...

Oh, my goodness. I can't imagine snow in October. Kentucky weather is sounding better and better!

Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said...

After reading that, I have only one question: What exactly does a Russian "AAAAAAAGGH" sound like?

Seriously: Awesome story. Glad you could make Manuel's day too.
Steph

Pencil Writer said...

Thank you for my first chuckle of the day! And as miserable as I am with sinus infection/sore throat/bronchitis . . . I sorely needed a chuckle.

I suspect you're right: the wound probably won't swell--at least and unless the "Russian" sticks it in something else to counteract his previous administrations. ;-}

a Tonggu Momma said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
a Tonggu Momma said...

Ack! Typo! Retry!

I don't know if I can read your blog anymore. I actually laughed out loud. I am sitting in a coffee shop, with people staring at me wearing puzzled expressions on their faces. I live in D.C. - people rarely laugh here, especially in coffee shops. I now believe they might possible think I am crazy.

a Tonggu Momma said...

Another typo! I need more caffeine. Or maybe less. I can't decide.

mum2twelve said...

Had a feeling it was the fifth when I heard snow predicted in Colorado for over the weekend. I thought if there is snow coming this far "south" then for sure you will get it in the real north!

Oh well - it would have been fun to win - just for the sake of getting it right. Congrats to the ladies who listened to the official predictions!

As to the Russian - perhaps our son has discovered a means of avoiding swelling when you get a nasty cut - but me thinks they will have to repackage it, as few, if any, will want to plaster their fingers with Prep H, eh?

Anonymous said...

Oh, my gosh! I laughed so hard I cried!!!

SB in Michigan

Summer said...

Hahaha! That is too funny!

Amber M. said...

Gotta love Karma.:-)

Lis Garrett said...

Shucks about the snow, but the story definitely makes up for not winning the prize. Preparation H for "hilarious." LOL!

We have one contractor whom we employ regularly to do odd jobs around the house, and he and his crew stink horribly. It's that nauseating mixture of sweat and cigarette smoke and every other foul odor possible. Ugh. I have to Lysol the entire house when they leave. At least they do a good job, though. And they're always polite.

Neurotic Grad Student said...

Oh, it's beautiful. I'm so jealous of your snow. I'll keep my fingers crossed that it snows here soon!!

Erin said...

That was a great story. Maybe you should have followed up by using a Tucks medicated pad instead of a band-aid.

Let winter begin!

ames said...

LOL I know nothing! I am from Barcelona!

Ni Yachen said...

Not fair, the snow didn't stick at all by our house.

Cathi said...

Michelle, you are hysterical!! Even my husband is enjoying your narratives!

Michelle Sybert said...

oh. my. word. that is one of the funniest stories i have heard in a long time! just what I needed on a day when my family is all coming down with a cold! thanks for posting that!

cndymkr / jean said...

NO NO NO. That isn't snow, it just can't be. It's just the drywall dust. Yes, that's it. Drywall dust. Whew, I feel better now.

I think you may have a new cure for bleeding - the latest, hottest cure. Preparation H. You just might want to let them know how multifunctional their product is.

Rani said...

Could you please put a laugh warning on your funny posts just for me so I know to get a new maxi? Heavens, that was hilarious!

Snow, huh? I guess I was a whole month off. We usually get snow here by Halloween, though...

Tiff said...

LOL that is too funny!!! I used to watch faulty towers all the time. WOW snow already! It's 83 degrees today!

planetnomad said...

ROFL! Awesome story! I totally agree with Robin's comment.

And snow already? Dang! Can't believe they were right.

Leslie said...

Thank you so much for making me laugh...I really needed that today...no more hemorrhoids on the finger - ha ha ha!!! I can't imagine slathering my finger in Prep H and not realizing that not only did it sting...it smelled! You must write a book about the joys of your remodel!

Sandra said...

is this ever a funny post.... maybe not to you but its very funny ...... what a big baby but then Men usually can't stand to be sick but he went a little crazy didn't he? maybe just wanted to take some time off for a break... hope the job goes ok.
I suppose we should be getting snow here in Wisconsin soon too.... we usually do by halloween.
Sandra

Gabrielle said...

Preparation is excellent for a pain in the a#$....so I guess he had it coming?! Love it!...and I'm sure that Manuel is having a drink and laughing about it right now!

Kelly @ Love Well said...

You may have stumbled upon a great new antiseptic there.

And hey, if it's snowing in early October, you mat need some meds come February.

ShabbyInTheCity said...

Dr. Scribbit! What do you charge LOL?

Heather said...

too funny!

Marivic_Little GrumpyAngel said...

OMGosh! I'm still laughing! Thank goodness he didn't speak Russian in the presence of kids when he found out it was Prep H. This is too precious! LOL!

Flea said...

I have the entire Fawlty Towers on VHS. And me with no VHS player.

Hey, there are acorns at work. Let me know if you still need some?

Christie O. said...

ohmigosh that's HILARIOUS!!!

chelle said...

oh my that is so funny! Not the snow part ... but oh man the finger the swelling ... ha ha ha

Killlashandra said...

Reading the label is always important. Especially as all those little squeeze tubes really do look the same if thrown together in a basket. ;) Funny funny story. I hope the rest of the dry wall went up without a hitch.

Kellie Buckner said...

Fawlty Towers is hilarous! "Manuel, there is too much butter on those trays." "On those trays? No, no, no, no, no. Not 'on those trays' Uno Dos Tres!" Oh, I love that show.

Sam said...

It actually snowed on the 5th October!!!? Like I said, that's one cold country!!

Here in the UK, I only finally deigned to turn the central heating on last weekend!!

Oh well, I imagine that you'll be knee deep in the stuff by my birthday on the 7th November!

Motherboard said...

That is the funniest thing I have read all day! Thanks for the laugh!

Octamom said...

This was hysterical! And I do think your noted benefit about the swelling was quite apt!
Blessings!

Janet said...

Those of us who have been through both a rehab and a building-the-house-from-the-ground-up can more than sympathize. We subbed out the drywall in the new house to the guys that Scott was using for dry wall at his company. This was primarily because we had to replace every bit of drywall in the downstairs of my previous house (can we say MONEY PIT?) and we just HATE drywall. And in this house we only put drywall in the bedrooms and bathrooms, everything else is hardwood paneling. But they did such a lousy job that he fired them from his company. You'd think that your work for the BIG BOSS would be better than average, wouldn't you? But no. So when we converted the upstairs porch into DeBoy's room, we hired his NEW drywall guy, who did an absolutely beautiful job. We put in each piece of hardwood floor ourselves, but we don't do drywall.
That's hysterical that he was such a big baby about getting a cut. I had constant cuts and scrapes during the remodel of my house and the building of this one. Just proves that he doesn't do much work at all and leaves it to poor Manuel.

ooglebloops said...

That Preparation H story is priceless!!! Very funny!!!!

Gene Black said...

Yep, I laughed out loud too. I have heard of using Preparation H for zits (really a model told me about it-put Prep H on at the first sign and the zit will go away MUCH sooner)
It should actually be quite healing anyway. Keeping the wound moist and protected from germs in the air is more than half the fight.

Still it was WAY funny with his reaction. Thanks!