Thursday, November 30, 2006

Unique Things About Thanksgiving 2006

A week of recovery time and I'm ready to relive the details. Here are the highlights:

13. I lost my sausage. I had bought this fancy little sausage to slice for the cheese and cracker plate but when ready to slice it I couldn't find it. I remembered buying it, had proof on the receipt but couldn't find it--anywhere. Very suspicious. I'll probably find either a) evidence of sausage consumption under the boys bed or b) a moldy, nasty specimen tucked away in a corner next March.

12. Andrew wanted his protein so badly he volunteered to go buy me another one. This meant he came back with Yard O'Beef: the Biggest Piece of Processed Meat Money Can Buy. Never send a man to do the shopping.

11. He also came back with chips and lots of dip. Sigh. What? No Fruit Loops? He goes shopping so rarely that when he sets foot inside a grocery store and is given a bit of freedom he goes crazy.

10. I wrestled the turkey in a way that would have won me $100,000 on America's Funniest Videos had the cameras been rolling. I was grunting and struggling, trying to tuck the wings under that stupid, naked, slippery bird when I lost hold. It shot through my hands, arched gracefully through the air, skidded across the floor and smacked against the cabinet in a schmucky trail of turkey juice that made my kitchen look like a salmonella crime scene. Whoops. Just rinse it off and no one will know.

9. Speaking of turkey, I didn't have a turkey thermometer this year so it was a high-stakes game of chance. Too dry? That's why gravy was invented.

8. I set the pop out on the back deck (fridge too full) and as it had been hovering around zero degrees that day I froze the pop. Whoops again. Martha says just peel off the plastic and you have the perfect 2 litre ice cube for the punch bowl.

7. The house up the street caught on fire. If you didn't catch my post a week ago, here's the link.

6. Our numbers were few this year, only six adults and eight children. We missed you Carinne.

5. But that didn't stop us from following tradition and transforming the garage into a play room. Every year we move the cars out, bring out the carpet remnants and crank the heat so the kids are far enough away that I can keep my sanity. We even hang swings from the beam across the ceiling.

4. However, Grace learned a valuable lesson: when your swing is hung from an eye bolt, it's unwise to twist the swing up as high as it will go, because that unscrews the one piece of metal separating your backside from some cold, hard cement.

3. And that part about zero degrees? Well, leaving the cars outside meant that my minivan wouldn't start the next morning. You haven't felt cold until you've had your hands freeze onto the steering wheel. De-icer anyone?

2. But it was good to have the family together. How else would we have known that an un-named relative's ears could do this? I'm not allowed to post the whole picture, so you'll have to be content with a close-up. The top part is tucked inside his ear and yes, the other ear does the same thing. I'd say he--or she, you'll never know--has got a future in the circus or on America's Got Talent.

1. And the picture is only payback because one of those delightful nephews while left unattended in the garage switched off our hot water heater. Just picture Andrew waking up on Friday morning--a very cold Friday morning--to find his shower especially invigorating. It's all about the memories.

More about the Thursday Thirteen meme.

51 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ah, yes...Happy Family Memories. Or "Hideous Family Memories". The acronym works handily for both. :D

Anonymous said...

Very funny stuff. Your arctic cold front is heading our way apparently south, then east. My family in Alberta says it's been cold! I was laughing about the hot water heater and the car! What a mess. But sounds also like a lot of fun.

Cheers,
Candy


Here is mine...

http://gnosticminx.blogspot.com/2006/11/concentrated-food-or-dont-forget-to_29.html

Anonymous said...

hahaha.. great TT :)

Anonymous said...

And the people in San Diego are complaining about lows in the 40s right now.

she said...

I vote for option 1a. Most likely suspect around my place is any two legged male who has gone more than 10 minutes between meals.

baggage said...

I lost my sausage is perhaps the best opening line for a blog entry ever.

tracy m said...

What is with men always buying the Yard O Beef? And they alwasy laugh and think it's funny!

Last time I send my husband to the store (for milk) he came back with FOUR boxes of COCOA PUFFS, cheetos, pringles, swiss cheese, ice cream... I could go on. It was a disaster.

Sounds like Thanksgiving was a blast at your house. We're supposed to be zero degrees tonight, and we are NOT used to that here- so we'll see how we do in the morning. I may let Jeff play hookie tomorrow!

sweatpantsmom said...

The ear thing? Creepy. But won't stop me from trying it, damnit!

Anonymous said...

The kid with the ear is hilarious! I think it's a boy.. just by the hair cut.

Your turkey story made me laugh! That's too funny!

Sounds like lots of good memories!!

Anonymous said...

Your TT made me smile and laugh...I love it! Great job!

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness! Thanks for the grins! Sounds like quite the Thanksgiving, between wrestling with the turkey, and not having any hot water the next day!

Have a good day. :)

Caylynn & Dragonheart
http://caylynn.blogspot.com
http://dragonheartsdomain.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Oh, that sounds like so much fun. OUr Thanksgiving was boring in comparison. Fun and pleasant and tiring, but not too exciting.

Knitting Maniac said...

Switched off the hot water heater?! Nice.

Thanks for stopping by!

Duchess said...

I think my brother can do that with his ears also!

happy TT

Chaotic Mom said...

WOW! I would have LOVED to see the turkey video! ;)

I've posted my Thursday Thirteen, too. Enjoy!

Jane said...

I love your list!! Memories are what make NEXT Thanksgiving fun....you can remind everyone of the funny things from this year. Of course, the cold shower might not be a pleasant memory! OUCH!
Thanks for stopping by my T13. Have a great day.

Mags said...

At first I was thinking, "How in the WORLD could someone lose sausage that big and WHY did she describe it as little?"

And then I read on...great list, very amusing!

Anonymous said...

Very cold here too, it's 1° this morning. I'm so glad I don't have to go anywhere today!

lrlwreath said...

Ok you had me laughing in most of these...who loses a huge sausage, hehehe ;) And the turkey wrestling, tooo funny!

Carmen said...

ok, I couldn't get past the "i lost my sausage" - snort! he he

Colleen Gleason said...

Ummmm....I spewed my tea at the "lost my sausage" comment. (Good thing you aren't a guy...)

And..ew...on the ear thing. Ew, ew, ew.

Glad you had a great Thanksgiving, sausageless and ear aerobics and all!

Thanks for stopping by my TT: Thirteen Lines from Classic Novels You Should Have Read by Now (can you name the book?)

i am jen [with1n] said...

Great list...happy holiday memories. :) The ear photo made me laugh...Thanks for visiting, and Happy TT!!!

ali said...

i'm still laughing at the "i lost my sausage line!"

;)

Southern Girl said...

Hilarious list! And a little frightening as so much of it sounded like it could have been written about OUR family. ;)

Glad you're on the road to recovery! Just think, you don't have to go through the insanity until next year.

Happy TT!

Missy said...

I love your list! The opening line and the ear were hilarious. I have a funny story about last year's Christmas Turkey that is quite similar. LOL

Damselfly said...

Um. That ear thing. Doesn't it make you shake just a little bit?

Janet said...

oh, haysus, #2 looks wicked painful!

Stephanie said...

AWESOME LIST!

Caryle said...

Oh man, #10 is why cooking a turkey is one of my few culinary fears. Thank goodness for grocery stores that pre-cook your turkey for you. :)

Thanks for stopping by my list!

Steve said...

Now that is what I call a good time before, during, and after Thanksgiving. (chortle)

Anonymous said...

Ohmigish I am laughing picturing the turkey flying. The ear trick is cool - ouch just found out I can't do it.
Thanks for sharing & visiting,
Frances

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Wow. Sounds more like a comedy of errors than a horrible day. I'd be happy with that!

(love the salmonella Crime Scene, btw)

Happy TT!

Momma Bee said...

Okay, I have to admit, I'm still laughing over sentence #1.

"I lost my sausage."

I may be grown up, but I never said I was mature. LOL...

At least it was eventful and entertaining! :)

Chelle Y. said...

Thanksgiving is such a wonderful time with friends and family! It sounds like you had a blast!

That turkey thing is hilarious! I have not attempted to do my own turkey yet!

Domestic Goddess said...

that ear is a great look to remember for Halloween costumes!

Heth said...

Yard O'Beef?

If that isn't man-marketing, I don't know what is.

marina said...

hi, i can't think of that many things of thanksgiving or any holiday. I love the post, it widens my mind.
i've finally got my thriteen up as well. it's hard to get an open comment there, they get booked so quick.

Haley-O said...

Wow! S/he's got TALENT!!! I've never seen that done before! Too bad you didn't get you wrestling with the turkey on video...I'd have liked to have seen that! :)

Ally said...

I want to come to your house for thanksgiving next year what with the jumbo sausages, missing turkeys, and fires. Very exciting stuff.

Cagey said...

I can't get past the "I lost my sausage" to read the rest of the list. hee hee hee

Anonymous said...

Great stuff. Thanksgiving is always good for a few chuckles.

Better late than never, my Thursday Thirteen # 21 is up now. It is the Photo Church Tour Edition Stop by if you get a chance!

Mike said...

Lost your sausage? That's funny.

I remember when I was a little kid. I used to "steal" sausages from the fridge and eat them in bed. When I hear somebody coming, I hid all the sausages under the bed -- then forgot about them.

At least until flies bug me at night.

Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/

Local Girl said...

That's probably why I've never attempted to cook a turkey before! I can just imagine! LOL!

Anonymous said...

Can I come to your house for Thanksgiving next year?

Cece said...

Great post! *clapping* I love the turkey story! LOL

girlymama said...

HILARIOUS!!! You have such a great attitude - I love it.

And GREAT idea with the garage/playroom thing.

Barbara H. said...

What a great list! Except, of course, for the poor folks whose house burned. LOL at the turkey scenario!! We like those little sausages, too. Weird about the ear thing!!

Anonymous said...

funny funny!! thanks for sharing!

Annie said...

Ssay,it looks like a great many folks have Scribbit as a favorite site too! And those ears!!? Who'd believe it if it weren't for the photo! The question rattling around in MY mind is "What do those ears look like when they aren't inside?!" And the turkey -- it sounds like that advertisement Albertson's has on t.v. every year! Too funny!! Wonderful stuff....come visit my blog -- I finally got around to actually writing a post again!! How do you find the TIME!! My word verification (I kid you NOT) here is bstkyft which I immediately see as "Big Stuffed Turkey Kicks Your Floor Through" LOLOLOL

YellowRose said...

Sounds like a wonderful holiday, not sure the cold shower counts, but wonderful still!

Thanks for stopping by the "garden!"

The Lazy Organizer said...

Those sound like some fabulous Thanksgiving memories, you lucky girl! And to think, we all had to go without icy cold showers at our house! Bummer.