Thursday, December 27, 2007

Things Overhead During the Holidays

My Newest Niece LucyWe like to joke around here all year long but for some reason this last week or two has produced some lines that would make Hollywood jealous--I tell you you just can't write material this good.

My picture is rather irrelevant--just my newest little niece Lucy that I've been drooling and smooching on for the past week and a half.

1. I'm planning on starting Lillian on some Kafka after hearing her say from the back of the car on the way to school:

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"I'm glad I'm not a cockroach."

I've learned you just don't question comments like this or delve too deeply into the origins--though I think she's been watching the Discovery Channel and a documentary about the world's largest pile of bat guano with all the cockroaches that live therein. At least I'm hoping that's where this came from. Who cares, just agree and smile. Agree and smile.

"Yes dear, I'm glad you're not a cockroach too."

2. Shortly after Thanksgiving I was trying to instill some good ol' fashioned appreciation in David by explaining about his ancestors and the sacrifices they made and the conversation went something like this:

Me: " . . . After all [blah blah blah] life wasn't easy hundreds of years ago, life for the early colonists was hard [blah blah blah] and you should be extra grateful that they were able to succeed, you have 13 different ancestors that came across on the Mayflower . . . "

David interrupted my motherly diatribe with, "You mean Aunt Ann?"

"What?"

"Aunt Ann. Didn't she come across on the Mayflower?"

"Uh, no. Not Aunt Ann. And I'm telling her you said that."

"What?"

His sense of time is a little off I'm afraid. I wonder if he thinks I could have been on the Titanic.

3. Again with David.

I was discussing the idea of people having different talents and every one being good at different things. He quickly agreed with me when I said, "You know, everyone has different talents--people are each good at different things."

"Yes!" He said, "There's this girl in my class who can make you blush!"

Gosh! This sounds like a talent that I should be aware of.

4. Lillian was dancing around in her princess costume, shaking her magic wand at everything around the room when I heard Spencer talking to her.

"Hey Lily, how did you do that?" [I was unclear on what he was asking about]

She responded in her most cheerful voice with much dancing and waving of wands, "Oh I can't tell you how I did it but I did it with Lily Magic. Lily Magic is my job."

O-kaaaay . . .

5. Now that Spencer is 11 he's graduated from cartoon-characters on his pajamas to new plaid pajama bottoms which he assured us were remarkably “manly.”

“Yes son, they are manly,” Andrew responded. “Plaid is always manly, you can thank the Scots for that.

"In fact, you could say the words ‘I like pretty pink butterflies’ but if you say it with a Scottish accent it will still come out very manly.”

No wonder our conversations around here are so interesting.

6. Christmas morning after the presents were unwrapped I asked Lillian how she had slept:

"So Lily, tell me--did you hear Santa last night?"

"Nope, but I saw Laser and Dixon on Cain's roof!"

"Really?"

I had no idea Santa had upgraded reindeer--apparently he's now got "Laser" on the team--the less-well known but high-tech deer. Probably helps with security alarms and things like that.

7. We were right in the middle of opening Christmas presents and Grace was so excited for Andrew to open the gift she'd given him she could hardly sit still. She'd wrapped up his favorite treat and had been dying for the moment when he'd finally unwrap it.

Andrew: "Well now, which present should I open next?"

Grace: "Open the Almond Joys! Open the Almond Joys!"

A hush fell on the crowd as she realized her error.

"D'oh!!!!"

8. When I opened my gift from Spencer he was also very thrilled with the excitement of giving. I unwrapped the large gift to find a box of Hershey's chocolates.

Spencer rushed up to me and pointed to the lid, "Do you see that Mom? See that? It says they're a-sort-ted. Assorted! Have you ever had assorted chocolates before?"

I'm not sure what he thought "assorted" means but I've never had chocolates given with such love. Assorted must be a very good thing.

9. David had recovered from a one-day fever and I confirmed this by saying, "Yup, you seem to be all better. No fever--normal body temperature and everything."

He paused for a moment and considered.

"Mom?"

"Hmm?"

"What's my body temperature?"

"98.6 degrees."

He thought for another moment then said, "Well what is Santa's body temperature?"

"What? What do you think his body temperature is?"

"107.6 degrees. He's got a lot of clothes on."

10. And last but not least (yes, I know there's only 10 today but it's the best I could come up with given the busy week) . . . .

Monday night I was doing the Christmas Eve preparations in the kitchen, baking pies and getting ready when I commented to Andrew that I'd eaten so much that I was like Santa. David perked up at this and asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well I'm starting to 'shake when I laugh like a bowl full of jelly'."

"OH!" He said happily, "My nipples shake when I laugh!"

It brought conversation to a halt. What does one say in response to that revelation?

Then it made me wonder if Santa's are shaking too.

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50 comments:

Zenmomma said...

Santa's shaking nipples totally makes up for the three missing Thursday Thirteens! :-D

Caffienated Cowgirl said...

#10 almost made me spit my coffee out! :) Aren't kids the best?

Loralee Choate said...

Between the nipples and and the mainly Scottish plaid, I think I totally adore your husband.

HA HA HA HA HA HA

Seriously...I just keep laughing at this whole post.

I think the only thing that could make it funnier is if there was Interp by "The Happy Hands Club"
(Sorry..I.just.couldn't.help.it.)

Now I have a visual...HA HA HA HA!

Sandy Carlson said...

Kafka for Kids might be a big hit!

Ten is a hoot and a half. Maybe Santa's don't shake if he's that much warmer than we are in all those clothes!

Robin said...

You've sure got some show-stoppers in there LOL.

I'm a big fan of the nod and smile approach myself.

Moondancer said...

Those ten were worth far more than 13. I need to write down what my kids say. I never remember it, but I love the way kid's brains work.

Happy TT

http://moondancerdrake.livejournal.com/

Erica Douglas said...

Love number eight, 'assorted' chocolates hee hee

I can't wait to see what delights Erin has in store for me over the next few years. Daddy's still 'helping' with the presents at the moment so I received a very pleasant (but less humorous) book and cd :)

Laura @ Laura Williams' Musings said...

How funny!

The lily magic and #10 had me laughing.

April said...

We are STILL laughing! So funny!

jennwa said...

That is a great list. I like the Lily magic and #1, I too have learned not to ask questions.

Jeana said...

Okay, I totally get the Aunt Ann thing. ANNcestors.

Jeana said...

Wonder if he thought he were saying Ann sisters?

Angelika said...

LMFAO! I LOVE hearing the things kids come up with, LOL.

My Thursday 13 is up!

123pizza said...

Thanks for the laugh. I definitely needed it. I laughed so loud on #10 it woke hubby up.

MommyTime said...

Aren't kids' minds and logic funny? These are hilarious!

Melissa Markham said...

ROFLOL! These are toooooo funny! I love number 10 and the almond joys one too...that's exactly the kind of thing that happens around here!

Babystepper said...

Hysterical! Your kids sound like lots of fun to be around.

feefifoto said...

Whew! What a relief that she's not a cockroach!

Fresh Girl said...

Those kids of yours are priceless!

Bonnie B. said...

You have some funny kids. #10 is my favorite! Where do they come up with this stuff?

Wolfie said...

Hahaa..kids are so cute..

Leslie said...

Hilarious! Your kids are precious.

Lisa Milton said...

I'm in love with the irrelevant picture - Lucy, what a doll.

I love smooching on babies.

(Thanks for the laugh too.)

Amy said...

I really appreciate the "Lily Magic" where can I get some of that...very cute post..

Sassy Lucy said...

Laser now that is a new reindeer. I love the manly pajamas discussion too....I remember when we made that switch though Zachary at 14 still loves his Simpsons pajamas...the cartoon characters just change I guess?
Great list this week, love coming to see what you have to say.

Tim Appleton (Applehead) said...

Kellen (9) has started to give gifts this year as well. It is really nice seeing them grow up...

Summer said...

Too funny!

Anonymous said...

Well, this is the Aunt Ann who came over with the pilgrims on the Mayflower. Not sure if I like being famous or not. Do you think I look that old???? I laughed
out loud!

:)

ann

Summer said...

LOL How funny! Kids always have the best comments. ;)

Mer said...

This was a very enjoyable post. My husband had to ask me what I was snickering about. :0)

Thanks for sharing! :0)

Phyllis Sommer said...

this is hilarious. seriously, the funniest post i've read in a long time. lol!

Geo said...

I did a paper once on how laughter boosts health and well-being. Thanks for the shot in the arm! I feel great now!

Maria said...

Those are great! It's good that you have them documented, too. I try to write a lot of my kids funny comments, too!

Lei said...

oh thank you for the laughs... i needed that!

Nicholas said...

Those are all delightful, especially the last one.

re #2, just wait till a child asks you what things were like in "the olden days" When it happened to me, I felt like staggering off an taking to my bed for a week!

Michelle O. said...

That was so funny! I love the things that come out of kids' mouths.

jubilee said...

Oh how funny! "Lilly Magic" has reminded me of an incident with my daughter, I'll have to post about it. Thanks for the idea!

Patois said...

I don't think I could have handled 13 of those. Lots and lots of doozies.

sogratefultobemormon.wordpress.com said...

i never thought of the blushing thing as a talent either. funny.

and you made me giggle out loud about santa's ta tas shaking when he laughs! what a riot! kathleen

Julie Pippert said...

Fantastic stories! Oh my gosh, I love this...you and your family kept me ROFLOL!

Julie
Using My Words

Susan from Food Blogga said...

David's Santa comment gets tow thumbs up for cuteness. I love this post, Michelle.

Qtpies7 said...

LOL I'm still cracking up from the assorted chocolates, but the shaking nipples put visions in my head that I'm not so sure I want there, lol.
Great post!

luckyzmom said...

How delightfully entertaining that was! Thanks for sharing!)

Damselfly said...

What a sweet picture of you with your niece!

That cockroach comment cracked me up!

chelle said...

hehehe Sounds like it was a wonderful holiday season for you and your family (and nipples?!)

page2 said...

Your kids are hilarious! And your baby niece is dang cute.

Anonymous said...

They come by it honestly. Our tradition was to open one present on Christmas eve. One year Andrew's sister was fixated on opening one particular package. Christmas Eve she came pastering me in the middle of making dinner and I replied "If you open your skates tonight....then you will have spoiled.....!" OOPS...that was the BIG present. Keep it u. You are great, Michelle. MOMM XOXOXO

Linda R. Moore said...

ROFLMAO! I think my sides would ache if I were a fly on the wall in your home. :)

I have three TTs this week:

Review of 2007:
http://www.ravensroads.com/index.php/2007-in-review/

Motorcycling review of 2007:
http://www.ravensrides.com/tt13-2007-in-review

13 RV adventures in 2007:
http://www.ravensrv.com/2007-adventures/

Mercy's Maid said...

Hilarious!

Terri said...

I'm a little late in commenting on this post because I'm just now getting caught up on blog reading, but I had to let you know that I laughed out loud throughout especially at Laser the reindeer.

I had a conversation with my nine year old similar to the cockroach conversation you had with your daughter except Becca told me she was glad she wasn't a bug.

Sounds like you have funny, creative kids that undoubtedly make life very interesting for you.